FAÇADE
by MeteorOnAMoonlessNight
Summary: FBI agent Edward Masen goes undercover to take down the Cullen mafia. Meeting Bella Swan, the former boss's daughter now forced to earn her keep by stripping in the club owned by the new Family, was never in his plans. He feels the need to save her, but he can't even save himself. He's about to find out that nothing is as it seems.
1. Chapter 1

**Another new story, another long A/N. This lovely fic was started a millennium ago, before Right Where I Want to Be, but I went with Stripperella first. I decided to submit the first five chapters to the Secrets & Lies contest, so if you read my entry, please bear with me as I turn this back to its original state. And don't spoil the big secret!**

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 **This is a mob/mafia story. It includes elements of violence, gore, sex, adult language, and other gritty details. Characters will act out of the norm from canon, and SOME WILL DIE. I can only promise to keep the two main characters alive, though don't tell them that ahead of time, yeah?**

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 **If you're not fond of unrealistic lemons, I have many fics where I strive to be as realistic as possible in that respect. This is not one of those fics. Skim those parts or don't read at all. If you do love rough sex, spontaneous orgasms, and pornstar positions, you've come to the right place. Just maybe don't read at work.**

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 **If you want to ask questions, make comments, send rude gestures, or love to post gifs, those belong in my facebook group. The link is on my profile, since FFN is dodgy about what links it allows. My blog, for all the Not Safe For Work pictures, is MeteorOnAMoonlessNight. blogspot. com (remove spaces, and no, FFN does not allow copy and paste on mobile.) The direct link to my blog is also in the description spot on my facebook page, so you don't even have to join to find it. ;) Exclusive teasers and photos will be available on FB**

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 **A special thank you to copperrtopj for her expertise to make my Undercoverward more believable. XOXO**

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 _Got a secret_

 _can you keep it?_

 _Swear this one you'll save_

 _Better lock it, in your pocket_

 _Taking this one to the grave_

 _'Cause two can keep a secret_

 _if one of them is dead_

 _~The Pierces, Secret_

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 **How I came to be living with a mafia princess turned stripper.**

"The target is Carlisle Cullen, but any information you can get out of Jasper or Emmett Cullen would be useful. They own the strip club, Façade, located in the downtown area known as the warehouse district. Demetri got you an _in_ , vouching for you as having come from the Volturi family out in Chicago. Don't leave him swaying in the breeze, Masen."

"Got it, sir. My undercover assignment is to pose as a bouncer at the club, yeah?" I pushed around the papers on my desk until I found the pictures of the girls that danced at Façade. Not the cream of the crop, exactly, but there was one girl that drew my eye every time I looked at the surveillance photos. Dark doe eyes glared out at the camera, her hair a combination of pink and blonde. She looked like she could use a decent meal and her makeup was heavy, making her look tired. Something about her made me want to swoop in and protect her from the shit she must see on a regular basis.

"Right. Don't be gettin' all cozy with anyone, either, slick. Unless it furthers the investigation, I don't want you making friends. That's how you blow your cover and get caught, and that's the last thing you need."

Jacob Black was my Squad Supervisor and contact with the FBI whenever I went undercover, or UC for short. My latest assignment was to gather as much intel as possible to bring down the Cullen crime organization. Rumor had it they were the most ruthless family in Seattle since Charles Swan was killed and left the business to Carlisle Cullen. The details surrounding Swan's untimely demise were still a mystery, but all signs pointed to an inside job. Demetri Falconari was a fellow UC Agent out of the Chicago Division, my hometown and the place I'd supposedly just moved from. He vouched for me as one of the Volturi foot soldiers under his watch so that I could insinuate myself into the Cullen crew without suspicion.

"It's been almost a year since Swan bit the bullet, and we're no closer to finding out who did it. Let's get this case closed and put away a few mob guys while we're at it," Black said in his curt manner.

"Absolutely," I agreed. I left my service weapon and all of my true identification as Edward Masen with my superior. After accessing the safe and gathering all of my UC identification and a couple of unregistered weapons, I headed out.

I went back to my apartment to prepare for my evening at my new job. I had to report to Emmett Cullen at nine, ready to take control of all the losers that wandered into the nudie bar with ugly intentions. It was up my alley to protect those girls, of course, so I was confident with my ability to accomplish that task. I stared at myself in the mirror; I'd been growing some stubble over the past few days to hide a faint scar that ran along my jaw. My hair could lean toward red if I spent too much time in the sun, so I was lucky that it was the dead of winter and I'd been indoors studying the case files. I had no tattoos to leave me vulnerable to identification, but my eyes were a bit of a beacon. I slipped in my very lightly brown tinted contacts, giving my green eyes a more hazel appearance. It would be a simple thing to claim they were corrective if anyone asked. The resemblance to my undercover driver's license was identical.

This case required a complete undercover existence, therefore, I was residing in one of the bureau's undercover residences. It looked lived in, shit every-fucking-where, clothing that would fit my cover in the closet and dresser. The bathroom was stocked with typical male shit, scents I didn't usually use in the aftershave and cologne department, razors and toothpaste and any bullshit I'd need for now. My bureau assigned bank account in my UC name was set up with a modest amount of cash to get me by until I started earning at the club. My POS car was parked out front, so I grabbed my keys and headed out to get the night started.

There was only street parking, which kind of sucked, but it was to be expected in this kind of an area. I doubted anyone would want to steal the mostly rusty 1984 Cadillac DeVille with Chicago plates that I was currently stuck with. The air was as cold as my last girlfriend's heart as I climbed out and flicked the collar of my leather jacket up closer to my face, walking the few blocks to get to the club. I spotted the blinking red neon sign that said _Fa_ ç _ade_ , and wondered who the genius was that thought they were being ironic with that name.

I stepped up to the giant redwood of a man that was guarding the entrance, sticking my hand out from my pocket as I walked up. "Anthony Di Stefano, looking for Emmett Cullen."

The bastard stared me down like a mouse running up for a bite of cheese that fell off the dude's beard. Like I'm some chump looking for a handout. Fucking asshole.

"Look, it's my first night on the job, maybe you could cut me some slack, man."

Finally some expression on the dick's face as he raised his left eyebrow. You ever see a gorilla in a three piece suit? Me either, until now.

"The boss will see you." His voice was like a dead body that's been drug across gravel for ten miles. It completely fit him.

"What, you got telepathy or somethin'?" He'd never so much as moved except for that eyebrow. I was tempted to tell the monkey to dance, but he'd probably smash me into next week like Donkey Kong.

He stepped aside, pulling the door handle as it buzzed. I could only assume they'd been waiting for my arrival, but I wasn't naïve enough to expect the welcome wagon.

It was like walking through a time machine into the seventies. Black leather couches, thinning red carpet, and red wallpaper with black swirls were the first things I noticed. The putrid smell hit three steps in; smoke, and not merely from cigarettes, bodies crammed into a warm room, and the melted fur smell that comes off of heaters sometimes in the winter.

Gee, I couldn't wait to get to work.

The next thing I saw was the stage, with three scrawny women gyrating to the stripper typical, 'Pour Some Sugar On Me'. It had a C shape with a pole at each end and one in the middle, and I couldn't help but imagine their stilettos sticking to the floor as they walked. The lights were low, of course, but I made it out to be seven customers, two bartenders, and at least five armed 'bouncers'. If there is one thing these type of assignments require, it's to know your surroundings, and the surveillance package had truly prepared me for this evening. The second largest man I'd ever seen in my life was walking toward me, a huge smile on his face. His hair was blond, a full beard covering his face. I took him to be six-five, sporting two seventy-five worth of muscle.

He stuck out his hand as he grew closer. "Anthony, right? Emmett. I hear you're a friend of ours."

"You can call me Tony. Nice to meet you." I shook the slab of beef masquerading as a hand he thrust at me and mentally high-fived him for not squeezing too hard. I didn't want to show him up on my first night and I certainly wasn't intimidated by his size. I tended to hide my muscular build pretty well under my clothes.

"Well, Tony, let me show you around."

I followed Emmett dutifully as he showed me all the areas suitable for the public. I had yet to spot either Carlisle or Jasper.

"Um, work attire…" he started. I'd noticed his fancy, well-tailored suit, though it wasn't a three piece like the goon out front.

"I'm, uh, used to wearing black jeans and a leather jacket back in Chicago. I can see you're better dressed out here," I offered. He nodded curtly.

"Tomorrow, something more upscale," he said, well, demanded.

"Of course," I replied, barely resisting a snort. Like the strippers would become classier, the clientele less trashy, if the employees wore tuxedos.

"Okay, for tonight, just do a walk around and make sure nobody is roughing up one of the girls. They can get hands-on, as long as the girl is okay with it. No sex in the club, on their own time is whatever. Got it?" He threw the words at me like a deck of cards someone had fumbled, floating out haphazardly over his shoulder as he walked and I followed.

"Yes, sir." We exited the back room onto the main floor again, after I made note of the four locked doors I had not been allowed access to. The girls on stage had rotated, and I stopped in my tracks as the girl from the picture caught my eye. Covering my stumble, I kept her in my periphery as I continued after Emmett until he brought me to a stopping place. I could see the whole club from there, so I understood the reason for him bringing me to that spot.

I took my post as Emmett walked away. The girl was fucking mesmerizing. Her hair was turquoise now, long and flowing out behind her as she spun around the pole and my mouth went dry. Her body was lithe, a little fuller than in the photo I'd studied until my eyes blurred. She looked healthier, and she damn sure looked fine with her tits hanging upside down with her on that fucking pole. All that hair swept the floor, one leg kicked out, and she spun back to right herself.

She looked right at me as the song ended, and I had to force myself not to squirm. Her gaze pinned me to the spot, and finally I had to wipe the sweat from my upper lip.

Then the new song came on and she went back to dancing, and I went back to sweeping my eyes around the room like nothing had happened.

 **~F~**

When I woke the next morning, okay, crack of noon, I reminded myself that sleep was for the weak. I was relieved to find a coffee maker and a stash of sub-par ground coffee that would have to do. My cover story would not mesh with fancy dark roast coffee. Those were the things I must sacrifice for the greater good.

I'd spent the remainder of the night at the club doing walk arounds, watching for signs of persons of interest. I didn't recognize anybody, and I'd seen plenty of photos of the players in the Cullen mafia. It was mostly a bust, including the very end of the night when I had to escort a few ladies to their cars. While escorting them, I tried to spy any of the vehicles the surveillance team had tagged, coming up empty.

We walked in a group to each girls' car, and, of course my doe-eyes was in the talkative gaggle. They thoroughly enjoyed taking turns holding on to my biceps as though they couldn't take one more step without the support. Despite feeling her eyes on me constantly—and more than once catching her staring—doe-eyes never touched me. _Pity_.

I noted that she left with another girl whose name I hadn't gotten, instead of having her own car. I found myself wanting to know everything about her; then she was gone and there was nothing left for me but getting in my car and heading home.

I couldn't sleep, memories of her plaguing my overtaxed mind. Names and faces and aliases flashed through my brain as I struggled to fall asleep. Details of my UC life crowded in, my subconscious not allowing me to forget anything, however miniscule. I finally slept fitfully, hot and kicking the twisted sheets to the floor. They were scratchy anyway, the ugly pieces of shit that they'd picked for the place.

So here I was, drinking my third cup of coffee and debating what to do for the daylight hours. I finally decided I couldn't stay cooped up here, and dragged my ass out of the apartment. I stepped into the nearest convenience store for orange juice and a donut that had probably been around since the first world war. As I walked back out, I noted the twenty-four hour laundromat, the small gym, and the pawn shop. Deciding to brave the cold for a bit, I walked north from where I was in the hopes of finding something entertaining. I was not exactly ensconced in the Palace of Versailles, so the pickings were slim.

Someone rammed hard into my shoulder, the feminine expletive making me laugh and soften my initial ass-kicking stance of defense. The first thing I noted was turquoise hair; lots and lots of it tumbling around the woman from the club as she attempted to stand up straight. My hand shot out to steady her as she tripped over her sneaker and plowed into my chest.

"Wow, I am so sorry," she muttered. Her cheeks were a fabulous shade of red as those deep pools looked up at me.

"It's fine," I murmured, stroking a hand lightly down her hair and placing a firm hand on her back to steady her.

"I wasn't watching where I was going, and then my two left feet caught up to me."

I stared at her face; the black eyeliner that was apparently ever-present, the clear brown eyes and nude lips. Something about her just _called_ to me. "A-are you going somewhere in this cold?"

She dropped her eyes and gazed back at me from under her lashes. _Jesus_. I had to reboot my brain. "I was thinking of getting warm in the coffee shop around the corner. Wanna come?"

 _Did I? You're damn skippy_. "Yes—yeah. Sure." I shrugged, trying to play it cool. _Too late, idiot_.

I followed her as she picked her way through the crowd of people that always seemed present on the sidewalks in any busy city. She rounded the brick building that I thought housed the utility company and opened the door to a bakery cafe.

The smell coming from inside was enough to make my mouth water. I knew that Tony wouldn't order what Edward would order, so I purchased a black coffee and a bagel, insisting on paying for doe-eyes. She protested half-heartedly, then blushed when she ordered a latte and a croissant.

"Call it an afternoon pick me up," she said, glancing away from me as she bit her plump pink lip.

My cock loved the idea of a pick me up with her at any time of the day or night. I told him to stand down.

We sat, and I finally got the chance to talk to her, to ask her name. She pulled her coat off and hung it on the back of her chair, revealing a white sweatshirt that kept slipping off her shoulders. She was so fucking sexy without even working at it.

"My name is Bella."

"Tony," I replied. "I just moved here about six weeks ago from Chicago, where I was born. It's certainly different."

"I suppose it must be," she agreed, pursing her lips to blow on her hot coffee before taking a sip. My eyes were glued to her every move.

"So, how long you been here?" I asked to try to distract myself.

"All my life. My dad was Charles Swan," she whispered, glancing around again.

My eyebrows shot up; I couldn't help it. " _The_ Charles Swan?" I asked quietly.

Bella nodded, and I watched her mouth as she bit into her pastry. She chewed for a minute before answering. "He died, and I've been stuck doing things I'm not terribly proud of to make ends meet. Like having to work at the club."

"So you went from high on the hog to the gutters of Seattle?" I hissed, trying desperately to keep my voice down.

She dropped her head, staring at her lap as she shredded a napkin. "I guess so."

"Why weren't you given respect and a place to live, at the very least?"

One creamy shoulder rose and fell. "Dad left everything to Carlisle, and he lets his sons run the business the way they see fit. He makes money, but he doesn't work for it."

"So, the two of them are the reason you… dance?" I demanded.

Bella inclined her head slightly. "I've been trying to find a place to rent around here, you know, to get out of the place they pay for. There are so many girls there, it's never quiet. They're always fighting, there's never any food because they eat it without replacing it. It's awful."

"There's gotta be something we can do."

I watched the tear tremble on her lower lash before she swiped angrily at it with her thumb.

And that's how I came to be living with a mafia princess turned stripper.

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 **Credit to my ladies: SarcasticBimbo, kimmie45, coppertopj, starsmina, and NKubie.**

 **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me.** **No copyright infringement is intended. All songs are credited to the singer, but it's safe to say I wrote none of them.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the love you've given this story! My favorite scene is in this chapter.**

 **I had to adjust the chapter titles, since they weren't showing up.**

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 _Under the dead of night_

 _Blending with shifting light_

 _I see you, just another job to do_

 _Lead me to clear, unobstructed view_

 _Trying not to give myself away_

 _Feel me nearer, what's to come?_

 _Just another job to do_

 _~Jerry Cantrell, A Job To Do_

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 **How I wound up with a bullet hole in my shoulder.**

Bella only had one duffle bag full of clothes and another bag for toiletries. The place the dancers lived was a shithole compared to the 'luxuries' of my rundown one-bedroom. There were so many of them that they shared beds, and 'beds' was a loose term, since it was really mattresses thrown down wherever. The dining room had been repurposed into a bedroom with two mattresses and a clothing rack, and the living room was overflowing with girl junk.

We hauled ass as soon as she threw her bag into the backseat of my Caddy. I wasn't a complete buffoon, so I offered her the bedroom and said I'd sleep on the couch, which was pretty stupid of me considering that couch was six inches shy of six feet long, with me being six-two. I also knew I couldn't go sticking my dick in the first stripper that gave me her sob story, or I'd be in deep shit with the boss. I was already more than a little scared of both of my current bosses, the legitimate and the illegitimate, in regard to their reactions to Bella living with me.

Since she didn't have a car, I offered Bella a ride into work that night. It was so fucking cold the heater couldn't even make a dent, and I saw my breath puffing out every time I breathed. I tried hard not to look over at her, because she looked so fucking hot. Her mouth was painted a deep red, standing out against her pale flesh. The constant black liner was there, and she'd added some kind of eye makeup to make it all dark and hot as hell. I was thankful that whatever she was wearing was covered up under her heavy black coat. If I could actually see that she went to work dressed in stripper gear, I'd probably jump her in the car and end up with a broken nose.

After I parked, I suggested she walk separately, but she said it would be no big deal. "Nobody cares who I ride with," she insisted, climbing out and heading to the door.

"Maybe, but I'm new here, and King Kong will probably smash me into the concrete if I break a rule. Not to mention Emmett coming in as a close second in the Titan department."

I watched as the muscle in her jaw tightened at my words. "Felix would be smarter if he kept his thoughts to himself." Her jaw relaxed. "After all, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one." She winked.

"Uh…" I'd lost my opportunity to respond, as she was already dragging me up to the door.

"Open up, Mickey Mouse," she demanded, hands on her hips.

I'll be damned if he didn't just swing the door open without a word or an eye twitch. She moved over to a locker and opened it, stowing her bag and then shrugging out of her coat and scarf. My mouth went dry as she slowly untwisted the purple knit, her back to me. Her ass was shapely, curved in just the right way and perky. I wanted to do unholy things to that ass, and I knew I had to divert my attention immediately. I pretended to be messing around in my own locker.

"See ya, slick," she said as she breezed by me.

Yes, she wore her stripping outfit under her coat. Yes, it was a flimsy excuse for clothing, consisting of sheer black material showing off a thong in siren red to match her lips, and nothing else. Except for the needle thin high heels that might be the nail in my coffin.

 _Ah, fuck_.

So we continued for days that turned into weeks, the cold turning rainy and slushy. It was miserable outside, and it seemed every businessman in the city wanted to warm up in the titty bar. I was frustrated in more ways than one, because I'd seen nothing at all at work, not even the code to get in one of the rooms that had to be offices at the very least. I'd seen Emmett coming and going, and he talked frequently with one of the bartenders, a short man that had more neck than brains named Liam. I figured easily that he served as the eyes and ears for the boss. The boss that must spend his time with his feet up in his penthouse or some shit, cause he sure as shit wasn't ever here. I was actually starting to believe he must not put in any work, like Bella had said.

I had to tell Bella I was running errands a time or two to head to my meet-up with SSA Black on a jogging trail. We could basically be alone, and he always waited for me well past the busier beginning and end section of the trail. It was good to get a jog in, since the meeting was a bust; at least I wasn't wasting my time.

The other source of my frustration was Bella, obviously. She changed her hair color pretty regular, and most recently, it was blonde. I was surprised that I liked it as much as I did, but holy fucking hell she made a dynamic blonde. She had a terrible habit of walking around in long sleeved shirts just barely long enough to cover her ass and knee high or thigh high socks. I was dying, literally a man on his last legs, because pounding it into my hand in the tiny cell of a shower was _not_ working. I kept picturing her full mouth wrapped around my cock, or the legs that went on forever wrapped around my face, and I'd have to hide in the bathroom for twenty minutes to either calm down or jack off. The girl musta thought I had toilet issues.

The worst day of my entire twenty-eight years came when I was trying to jerk a quick one without getting in the shower for the third time in one day. I had my pants around my ankles, standing in front of the toilet and bracing one hand on the towel rack. Just as I was coming, I tried to grab the hand towel to catch the jizz when the towel bar came off the wall and sent me flying ass first into the cold water of the bowl. I shouted and cussed, jumping up and then slipping when my bare foot caught the water I'd splashed out, and I fell again, this time stuck between the porcelain god and the tub. Naturally, because fuck my luck, Bella came knocking on the door to ask if I was okay. I told her I'd ripped the fucking bar off the wall and that I was just fine, but did that stop her? No, it did not stop her.

Long, creamy legs came into view first until I shoved the towel and the offending bar out of my face, then I saw that blonde hair in a ponytail spilling over her shoulder, her eyes bright as she tried not to laugh at me. My ass was on the cold tile, the cracks and uneven parts digging into my flesh, my cock was laying scared and tucked into his friend the ball sack, and my knees were in the air with my feet splayed one over the tub and one over the toilet bowl. I would have gladly put my service piece to my head instead of facing Bella, but I'd turned that shit in. _Goddammit_.

"Oh, Tony. Do you need help?" She lost the battle, and went into a spate of giggles.

"No, sugar, I think I'm going to go ahead and die here, thanks. If you could just, you know, leave? I'll be fine." I watched her turn to go, the bottom curve of her asscheeks basically on display, and tilted my head enough to bang it on the tub. " _Ow_."

Though it took some maneuvering, I got my feet under me and twisted and shifted until I was out, then I just lay flat on that blasted floor while I tried to find my dignity, which was lost somewhere between the toilet and my taint. Finally getting up and fastening my jeans, I reminded myself never to leave the seat up again, and then I washed my hands and left the bathroom praying that Bella had found a reason to leave the apartment.

"You've got a bit of, uh…" _Nope, not that lucky_. "Some toilet paper, I think." Her hands brushed at my stubble, and I blinked.

Standing just outside the bathroom, she was _so_ close, her warm and spicy scent permeating my senses. It was already all over my car and my apartment, but to have such a concentrated blast aimed at my face sent another bolt of lust to the appendage I'd recently abused. Her eyes were so dark with the doe-eyed look that reminded me she was an innocent. I backed away quickly and bumped into the wall.

"Thanks," I muttered, side stepping and moving to the area known as my bedroom, aka the couch. I didn't look back to check for hurt feelings, because I couldn't have withstood that type of look on her face. I flipped on the television and pretended to become engrossed in a marathon of Emeril's cooking shows. I knew I was screwed, only not in the sense that I desperately needed. I wasn't supposed to get involved unless it furthered the case, and so far Bella Swan had less information on her father's murder than I did.

At work that night, I was roaming between tables to keep an eye on the patrons. Bella was off, and gave me more fodder for wet dreams when she told me she had plans to take a long bath and do her nails. It was odd to me that I didn't even notice the nakedness of the other dancers, but Bella could slay me with something as innocent as a t-shirt and sweatpants. Concentrating on men seated around the stage, I only half-assed glanced up when the door to the back opened and Emmett emerged with two men.

What caused me a double take was the sudden loud exchange of voices, laughing as the men slapped each other on the back. I recognized them as none other than the elusive Jasper and Carlisle Cullen. The younger man was tall and lanky, with dark hair slicked back, a horseshoe mustache, and a soul patch. The older of them, who I knew to be the don, had a pleasant, almost nondescript face. If not for the money that practically glowed with its own aura, he'd be a regular handsome guy you'd never look twice at. I moved slowly closer to eavesdrop.

"Numbers is still bringin' in the most dough, despite the few men that had to be heavily reminded to pay their shark. Ghost payroll is working like a charm; the books are sparkling clean."

Trying not to be too obvious with my staring, I glanced over as Jasper spoke. Movement between two men nearby caught my attention, and I recognized one of them as Petey Cap; he was Cullen muscle that was using this gig as cover same as the rest of us. The stranger was arguing in a low and furious voice, and I spotted the moment he grabbed for Petey's gun. Acting on instinct, I lunged in the direction of the trio that stood oblivious to the danger a few feet away.

"Get down!" I shouted, just before I grabbed the old man's shoulder and took him down with me, feeling a searing pain in my arm. I rolled with a grunt when I hit the floor, then crouched over Carlisle to be sure he wasn't hit. I looked up to see that other men had gone into action to subdue the disgruntled customer. Petey was getting the riot act from Liam, and Emmett was standing hunched next to Jasper, wide-eyed as he stared at me.

And that's how I wound up with a bullet hole in my shoulder.


	3. Chapter 3

**For those in the United States, happy Memorial Day. May those that gave the ultimate sacrifice never be forgotten.**

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 _The rain comes down like angry bees_

 _And the streetlight flickers on_

 _I thought that I could overcome this all_

 _But now I see I was wrong_

 _~Assemblage 23, Alone Again_

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 **How I came to realize Bella Swan could break my heart.**

There was more hubbub surrounding me saving Carlisle Cullen's life than that of the second coming. I was rushed in the back of his limo to his house where we were met by their doc, some wheezing monstrosity that you'd never take seriously in a real medical office setting. The gunshot wound was a simple through and through, and he didn't even have to stitch it up, he just cleaned it and bandaged it.

I was given a glass of scotch and a cigar, supposedly a real Cuban, and told to sit in an armchair. "Really, boys, it was nothing."

Emmett pulled an ottoman over and sat in front of me. I tried not to laugh at his bulky frame folded up onto that small seat. "You saved Dad, and we don't take that lightly. That bullet could have hit him anywhere, and none of us even saw it coming. Not even Pete, who is now facing serious consequences for being a dumbass."

Jasper spoke up from behind me. "I've been told that you do your job at the club, keep your head down and your nose clean. Although, I've also heard Bella Swan moved in with you."

 _Keep your cool, Masen._ "She said she needed a place to crash. I'm not boning her, if that's what you're worried about."

I heard a long, deep laugh from behind me, and I was positive it was Carlisle. He stepped around to the front of my chair, leaning against the arm of the long aqua couch. "I'm not particularly worried about that. I don't care which dancer you fuck; you could fuck them all and I wouldn't give a shit." He puffed on his own cigar, blowing the smoke off to his right. "You saved my life. That's what counts. You risked yourself for someone you'd never met, although I'd wager you knew who I was."

"I had a feeling, without seeing you before, that you were the boss. You carry an aura of power, Mr. Cullen."

He let out that hearty laugh again, and slapped his knee. "Anyone that risks his ass to save mine can call me Carlisle."

I actually found myself liking this guy. "If that's what you want."

He steepled his fingers in front of himself, the cigar hanging out of one side of his mouth. There was silence for several long minutes. "If I made you an offer to accept the oath, would you agree? If you decline once the offer is officially made, I won't make it again and you'll find yourself another job. Out of respect for what you've done, I'm giving you prior warning. If I offer, will you accept?"

I didn't have to think about it, since this was my goal, but I wanted to pretend I was contemplating my options. "What would change?"

"You'd hit the streets with Jasper. Collect tributes. Work with the sharks to ensure our money is coming in. That sorta thing. More money, more respect. A crew once you've learned the ropes."

"I know you worked for Aro in Chicago before, but we do things different. So I'll train you, so to speak. Then you go out and do your own. The more money you bring in, the more I'll pay you." Jasper spoke from over his father's shoulder.

With more salary, I could maybe get a two bedroom from the division. It would be in line with the job, and that would mean no more sleeping on the couch because I'd dabbled in playing a knight. "Okay. I'll accept if the offer is made."

"You realize the only out is death?" Emmett spoke again, his deep voice as serious as the death he spoke of.

"I understand."

Carlisle tossed his cigar into the ashtray on the coffee table and straightened to his full height. Sensing the importance, I stood as well, and Emmett rose and moved to flank me, Jasper on the other side.

"Anthony Di Stefano, we would be pleased to hold the ceremony of Omerta with you as the guest of honor. Do you accept this offer of your own free will?"

"I do."

They slapped me on the back with general words of enthusiasm and encouragement. I was worried that I'd be expected to make my bones, and prayed that my alibi from Chicago would cover that as well. I wondered what Bella would think; she was sort of my friend, definitely my comrade. I also thought of getting a message to Black to inform him of the change.

All of this went through my head as the three men threw out dates that worked best for them. Obviously I was available for whatever they chose, or I'd make myself available; that was how this worked. They settled on four nights from now, and I agreed.

"If you ever need anything, you tell me, got it? I owe you." Carlisle was incredibly sincere, and I had to remind myself he was a criminal I was trying to pin a murder on.

"Yes, sir, thank you."

I was sent home in a limo, and shook my head at the dichotomy of the sleek black vehicle in my shady neighborhood. Bars on the windows and no cars newer than twenty years old, dealers sitting on stoops waiting for their buyers to come around. What a frickin joke.

I was surprised to find the lights off when I let myself in. I thought doe-eyes was stayin' in tonight. Leaving the apartment lights off, I headed for the bathroom and turned on the over-the-mirror fluorescents. Getting shot wasn't in my plans, but it wouldn't be the first time. I grabbed a handful of my shirt from behind me and yanked it off over my head. The bandage was probably not necessary, but I debated leaving it on anyway.

"Tony?" I heard from the direction of the living room. _Shit_.

"In here," I answered, knowing she could see the bathroom light from the front door.

She appeared, hair a fiery red and no makeup. The bathroom felt suddenly too small. "I thought you were stayin' in," I said, trying not to sound accusatory.

"I thought you were workin' all night," she returned.

I opened my mouth to explain when she gasped. "Oh, Tony, what happened?"

She was in my space before I knew what to do, one hand on my bare pec and running a finger over the bandage. I held my breath, afraid to inhale her perfume and send my already overheated system into overdrive. She dropped her purse and shrugged out of her coat; now she was less dressed and closer than before as she gazed into my eyes, waiting for my answer.

I swallowed. "I, uh, I saved Carlisle."

"Really?" she breathed, her eyes gone wide.

I nodded, my fists clenched at my sides to keep from running a finger under her tired eyes. I backed away a step and bumped into the sink. "There was a guy, pissed off at something, he grabbed for Petey's gun. I saw it, and I stepped in front of Mr. C."

"Wow. I bet he's impressed with you now, huh?" She sounded bitter, and started to step away. I grabbed her wrist without thinking.

"Hey, it's good, okay? They'll let me in, promote me. I'll get us a better place soon, yeah?"

Something in her eyes changed, became more charged. She bit her lower lip, and my eyes darted down to watch her teeth sink into her flesh. I wanted to do that; I wanted to bite her lip and so many more places. "You won't kick me out when you've made it and I'm still just a stripper?"

I laughed, the sound rusty. "No, I could never do that to you."

Bella looked down, and it felt like the spell between us was broken. "That's really sweet of you." She backed up, picking up her coat and her bag. "You shouldn't get the bandages wet," she offered as she left the bathroom.

I let out a shaky breath and pulled my shirt back on, heading to the couch to bury my face in my pillow.

The next few days flew by, and suddenly the night of the ceremony was here sooner than I would have thought possible. Bella seemed to be avoiding me, and she wasn't coming to the ceremony. The guys were; Emmett and Jasper, and, of course, Carlisle. Other guys I recognized were there, men I knew for a fact were with the Family and not merely club workers. I was introduced to new men, people whose faces I knew from mugshots and surveillance photos, but who I had to pretend not to recognize. It was mostly a giant party, and I ate and drank until I thought I should stop before drunkenly spilling my guts. Or having them spilled forcefully if I accidentally admitted I was a fed.

Finally it was time for the official part, and it didn't last nearly as long as I expected. Do you agree to keep your mouth shut, yes, I do. Do you realize we'll kill you if you break the code, yes, I do. Congrats, you're a made man for the Cullens.

They had to pour me into a car at the end of the night, but I wasn't as drunk as I let on. I had to report to Jasper tomorrow afternoon. I was no longer needed at the titty bar, which was sad, really. No more chances to see Bella naked.

I dropped the keys trying to unlock the door. Maybe I was drunker than I thought. I grabbed the doorknob for support as I bent over, surprised to find it wasn't locked. I thought I heard yelling as I opened the door, but then it was quiet. I threw my keys and wallet on the kitchen counter and peeled my jacket off.

I whipped my head to the right when the yelling picked up again. I was right the first time, and it was coming from the bedroom. It was only a few feet away, so I strode over and knocked on the door.

"Bella, you all right?" I asked loudly.

I heard a series of thumps and a loud growl, followed by a grunt.

"Tony!" Bella shouted, sounding panicked. Ramming my shoulder against the door, I managed to open it as Bella kicked and shoved at a man in her bed.

"What the fuck?"

"I told him no, but he didn't listen." She suddenly didn't seem so fragile anymore as I realized she'd knocked him out.

"Okay," I said, drawing out the word. I squatted and threw the man over my shoulder, grunting at his weight as I straightened back up. I walked him all the way down the stairs and dumped him against the building, ensuring the outer building door was closed and locked before heading back upstairs. Hopefully he'd make his way home when he came to, or be questioned by the street patrol when they found him sleeping on the sidewalk.

When I got back inside, I couldn't look Bella in the face. Here I was, wanting her with a desperation that nearly killed me, and she was bringing strangers home for a quick fuck. This was the reason she couldn't attend my Omerta ceremony. I left the lights off as I settled face first on the couch again.

That was how I came to realize Bella Swan could break my heart.

* * *

 **Don't forget that teasers are in my facebook group and pictures are on the blog!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I love the theories being thrown out! The one guessed the most is that Bella is undercover, too. And you all think that Tonyward should ask questions and not make assumptions.**

* * *

 _I didn't know you'd be insane, but it's true_

 _All I am to you is a_ _stain on your blade, blood on your knife_

 _Love ain't no fairytale, love is a buried nail_

 _If she's in the house of pain, then love is standin' outside_

 _But maybe I'm the twisted one that screwed this up_

 _~Skylar Grey & Eminem, Twisted_

* * *

 **When I realized I didn't really know Bella at all.**

Settling in to this new life wasn't hard. I knew the ropes, and was able to provide an Oscar worthy performance. Jasper wasn't showing me anything I hadn't done through other undercover jobs. I was supposed to know the drill anyhow, so it was no big deal that I caught on quickly. The accounts he gave me were easy, the type of men that paid on time with no complaints. I was raking in money, and I knew that I had to be somewhat judicious with it seeing as how I was a fed and it was dirty money, but I was getting a two bedroom apartment and fuck the consequences.

I met with Black on the trail weekly, giving Bella the excuse I was out for a jog. Technically, it was true, because I did jog to meet him. Bella didn't care anyway, because she kept disappearing on days she wasn't working, and I wondered if she had a boyfriend she didn't want me to know about. Black said an apartment was fine, but anything expensive had to be approved, so I was stuck with the rusty bucket of bolts I was still driving. I thought for a long time about giving Bella money for a car of her own, just something cheap, because she was always taking a cab or the bus, and I didn't like the thought of her being unsafe. I struggled with the idea that I might be falling in love with her, because it seemed like only an idiot would find themselves in that situation. Her well-being was important to me in a way that proved I was in over my head, while she hardly noticed me.

I wanted to bring up the idea of a car to her, so I went home midday to ask her what she thought. She was usually home until late afternoon or early evening, 'cause she was too broke to really do anything before work.

When I walked in the front door there was a large, dark haired man sitting on my couch, a.k.a. my bed, that I recognized. It was a guy in the operation known as the Garrotter. His real name was Garrett Russo, and he was infamous at the division for being one of the bloodiest enforcers in the Cullen family mob. As his nickname suggested, his favorite means to an end was a piece of thin steel wire with a handle on each end. He was known to be ruthless and cold-blooded, and here he was chatting with my roommate.

Bella was sitting there across from him on the coffee table, leaning towards him like they were deep in conversation or they were about to make out, I wasn't sure which. She was a deep, dark brunette these days, with winged eyeliner and a full sixties vibe. Her minidress showed off her long fucking legs, her boots thigh high and sexy as fuck. They looked new, and I wondered where she'd gotten the money. Irrationally, I wondered if the Garrotter was her pimp now.

"Home early, aren't we?" she asked casually as she looked up at me.

"I didn't realize the queen was coming for a visit, sorry," I said snarkily. "I left my tiara in the car." I dipped into a fake curtsey.

"Why are you here, Tony?" she asked, though not unkindly.

"I wanted to have a word with you, about somethin' that's been buggin' me, but apparently you're busy."

"You can come by the club tonight. I'm sure they'd still let you in the door." She smirked.

"As long as Felix hasn't found reason to be pissed at me, yeah."

Garrotter said nothing, but he watched the both of us as we spoke like it was some kind of sick tennis match. When Bella stared at me, I realized they were waiting for me to leave so they could resume what they were doing.

"All right, I'll see you later, then." I backed out, disgusted at feeling like I had to leave my own apartment because of whatever she had going on.

I was worked up, pissed off, and a little terse with my customers the rest of the day. Not that they were going to complain or anything, seeing as how they had to pay me or face worse consequences, like the fucking Garrotter. They probably wouldn't start with him though. I'd heard of a Jimmy Two Face, dude that had a wrecked face after an accident with acid. He was usually sent in for the kneecap busting with a ball bat if someone was late with their cheddar.

That night at the club, Felix did indeed let me in without pause, though it wasn't like he smiled at me or any such pleasantries. The girls on stage were the usual pale, scrawny girls that I was used to. God only knew how desperate the fuckers in this town had to be to come to see this chicken flesh on stage. Musta been hard up at home. I found Bella dressed for the stage, sitting in the employee lounge with knee high socks and a fucking school girl outfit. Her hair was in pigtails, and that was all it took for my soldier to stand at attention. I was such a goner.

"Bella," I greeted her tightly.

"Tony," she acknowledged as I sat across from her at the tiny and very sticky table.

"I wanted to ask your opinion on picking up a small and cheap car for you. I don't like you spending so much time on the city bus, and I know you don't really have the chips to pay for a taxi."

"You're serious?" she said, doubt in her voice.

"Yeah, or I wouldna said it." She made me feel shifty when she looked at me that closely.

"You really are a good guy, aren't you, Tony?" Her brow was raised, and I tried hard not to squirm.

"I guess. All the girls want a bad boy though, so it sucks for me in the long run." That was absolutely a dig at her meeting earlier with Garrett.

"Um, something super cheap though, right? I don't want you spending a lot of money on me. It makes me uncomfortable."

"Yeah, just a beater to get you to work and back. I mean, I know you do other stuff, too, so it has to run and all." I suddenly couldn't bring myself to make eye contact.

"Maybe we can take some time this weekend and look," she agreed.

So that's what we ended up doing. We perused the papers on Saturday and Sunday, and called a few people. I looked online at classified type sites. We had a really good time looking around, driving all over the city and test driving cars. Most were serious pieces of shit, and we still hadn't found anything by lunch time Sunday. We sat at an outdoor burger place as the Spring air tried it's best to climb out of the high fifties. We had grease running down our chins as we laughed and talked about the bigger place we were going to look for next weekend. We would finally have the space we needed, with a bedroom for me and a living room that wasn't doubling as a bedroom. It was the relationship we'd shared at the beginning, and I realized with a sharp pang that it had moved into vague acquaintance territory recently.

Finally we found something, and it was just perfect. It was a tiny hatchback that had seen better days and had so many miles on it I would swear the odometer should just be rolling over to one any day now. Doe-eyes was all smiles as she got in it to drive home after some paperwork and some cash had been exchanged. We agreed to go first thing the next morning to file the paperwork to make it official.

It had been a really good weekend, so when Monday rolled around bleak and stormy, and I was cranky from a lack of sleep, I tried not to take it out on her. I tried, I really tried, but I hadn't slept soundly since accepting this job three months ago.

"Garrett's gonna take me to do the registration, Tony," she announced as she came out of the bathroom, face made up and looking too sexy for running errands. Her jeans were plastered to her legs, and her t-shirt was thin and holey.

I couldn't take it anymore. "Seriously, Bella? I go outta my way to buy you a car, and you ask your boyfriend to get it registered for you? Am I literally that much of a schmuck to you?" My words exploded from my mouth without thought or consequence. "Is Garrett putting you up? Is Garrett looking out for you when you bring guys home that don't take no for an answer? No, that's _me_." I dug my thumb into my chest. " _I_ put up with all of your shit, just to be stepped on time and time again."

Her eyes narrowed, and I watched as she went from sweet and agreeable to ice cold bitch. "I appreciate your gesture, Tony, but if you bought me the damn thing just to get in my pants, you can take it back. Sell it for scrap metal for all I care. You offered to help me, remember? Don't throw it back in my face because your long term goal didn't work out. You and me, we're friends. So take your woe is me bullshit and shove it up your ass."

She grabbed her purse and slammed her way out of the apartment.

I dropped heavily onto the couch and put my head in my hands. I didn't think I had been expecting payment for the nice things I'd done. Hadn't I sat by silently while she'd brought men into my apartment? Hadn't I let her date whoever she wanted and never hinted that it wasn't okay or that I wanted more? I was the nice guy, letting her do what she wanted with whomever she wanted. All I wanted was to spend more time with her, to finalize the paperwork on the car I'd paid for. But no, Garrett was clearly her boyfriend for now. So she was dating an enforcer, and a brutal one at that. Considering what she went through with her father's death, I couldn't believe she was willing to trust someone from the organization.

That was about the time I realized I didn't really know Bella at all.

* * *

 **Yep, there he goes making assumptions again.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I want to start off by giving my heartfelt thanks to Stacey, since I couldn't respond to her review. I appreciate you.**

 **Now! Those who have waited patiently and those who have waited impatiently. The truth is revealed.**

* * *

 _You got a cold, cold heart_

 _Do you feel at all?_

 _You built a house of cards_

 _But it's gonna fall_

 _You think I don't see who you really are_

 _I've got news coming_

 _I've seen it all from the start_

 _~Ruelle, Secrets And Lies_

* * *

 **How I came to realize I was royally fucked.**

I spent all my down time looking for a decent but cheap two bedroom apartment. I really couldn't kick Bella out, despite our disagreement. I'd promised to bring her with me when I moved, not to mention that I still felt like her protector. I snorted as I circled yet another possibility in the newspaper and then downed the last of my beer. Bella had an enforcer for a boyfriend. I sure as hell didn't need to get between the two of them. Hell, maybe she'd move in with him and I'd be off the hook.

I scrubbed at my eyes. I'd been worrying more than sleeping. I needed fresh information, but my only lead was Bella, and she knew nothing. I hadn't seen Carlisle since the Omerta ceremony, and even Jasper had backed off and left me to my own devices. There was something I was missing, but I didn't know what. It was there, just on the edge of my brain, but I couldn't grasp it.

There was a knock at the door, and I went to answer it. Felix was standing on the other side, and I lifted my brows in shock. What the hell did he want from me?

"Felix," I greeted him as I opened the door, not truly expecting a decent reply. Felix was the strong and silent type.

"Boss wants to see you," he said in his gravelly voice. It made me want to offer him a throat lozenge.

"Sure thing. Let me grab my stuff."

My keys and my wallet went in my pockets, and I shrugged into my leather jacket. The air had warmed slightly over the past month, but it was still wet and fairly cool.

Felix took me to a sleek black car with darkly tinted windows. He was lucky it hadn't been stolen or chopped while he was upstairs waitin' on me. The back seats were plush leather, not surprisingly, and I leaned back into the comfort. I realized that Felix was more than merely a doorman for the club, but I was still curious why he was picking me up. I remembered the area that Cullen's house was in, the sprawling red brick mansion that was overly decorated in an 80's theme. I closed my eyes for the fifteen minute ride, but I couldn't let my guard down, so I changed my mind. Sitting upright, I glanced out the dark windows and realized we were going in a different direction than the one I'd expected.

Ice swam in my veins before I reigned in my gut reaction. Panicking wouldn't get me anywhere. "Ya know, Felix," I started conversationally, "I've been to the old man's place, and this ain't the way."

I waited for him to take the bait, but he remained silent. _Shit_. I rolled my shoulders, taking a critical look around the interior of the car to judge what could be used as a weapon. Unless I could steal the side piece from the Hulk, I was thoroughly fucked.

By the time we pulled up to massive wrought iron gates I was sweating. I wanted to convince myself that it was just another mansion out of the many Cullen probably owned, but I didn't really believe that. The house was massive, all white stone and windows. After we passed through the gates the driveway made a loop around a fountain that sprayed jubilantly. There were blood red flowers planted around the base, making me chuckle wryly at the symbolism.

Felix parked and opened my door, standing like a sentry as I got out. The iron gates had slid smoothly closed soon after we entered, so my last choice was to stare up at the front door and face my fate. The steps were wide and curved, and muscle man followed me as I climbed them. I stopped at the immense door and frowned. Felix solved my dilemma by knocking loudly once and pushing it open for me.

Our footsteps echoed as we walked through the three story foyer, and I wiped my clammy hands on my jeans as I worried over what they knew. Was I being called on the carpet? Had I fucked up a collection, or a payment? Were they pissed that Bella was still with me?

Or had they discovered my closely guarded secret?

Felix stopped at a closed door, then knocked before opening it, much the same as what he'd done at the front door. I had no doubt that security was high in this place and that every little move was recorded on CCTV. The room we entered was white, like most of the rest of what I'd seen of the house. Felix left me alone, so I walked around with my hands in my pockets, trying to look casual and not scared as piss. I knew when I was being left to stew, probably in the hope that I'd break and start babbling about my secret. I was more seasoned than that, had been in similar situations before, where the best thing to do was to keep my mouth shut and not act suspicious.

Finally, after what felt like hours—but was likely only thirty minutes—had passed, the door I'd entered through opened. I didn't turn, instead schooling my features into an impassive mask. I would let him come to me, let him try to break my cover, and hope I didn't die today.

"Hello, Edward Masen."

My heart thudded painfully as a million thoughts raced through my head at my real name being spoken, and not only that, but the fact that the voice was feminine and intimately familiar. I'd obviously made a wrong turn somewhere, let my guard down where I shouldn't have, something completely and utterly stupid. But it couldn't matter, because she was just a stripper, after all.

Wasn't she?

I turned finally, facing one Isabella Swan, dressed to the nines in a skirt suit and three inch pumps. Her makeup was flawless, her hair brunette and flowing over her shoulders in meticulous waves. My mind flashed back to our first conversation, and the first night at the club after she moved in with me.

 _My father was Charles Swan._

 _Felix would be smarter if he kept his thoughts to himself._

I scrubbed my hands over my face. _Fuck._

"You have two choices. One of them is to work for me. The other is death. Make your decision."

Her voice was stone cold, devoid of emotion. What would she demand of me now that my cover was blown? As an agent, I couldn't work for her in good conscience. Neither could I let them kill me.

I raised one eyebrow as I looked her up and down. She didn't flinch or fidget. "You're going to have to explain things to me, doe eyes."

Her eyes narrowed at the nickname, and she finally moved, coming to stand closer to me. "I could say the same thing to you," she challenged.

"From where I stand, it looks like you have all the answers between us."

Several more minutes passed, and I refused to acknowledge the cold sweat trickling down the back of my neck, or the fact that my heart was still galloping in my chest.

Finally, Bella pointed to a chair. I sat obediently, looking up at her expectantly. She took the other seat, crossing her legs at the knee, looking like an entirely different person in this setting than she did at home or at the club.

"I told you my father was Charles Swan," she started, and I nodded. "Somebody high in the organization had him killed, but I haven't yet figured out who. I only trust Carlisle, Garrett, and Felix. Those are the only three people that know the truth. When Dad died, Jasper suggested to Carlisle that _they_ deserved my inheritance, because I'm only a girl, after all," she sneered. "Emmett vehemently agreed, and I haven't forgiven them since. Carlisle runs the day to day operations, sending his sons on errands meant to make them feel important, but they're peons. _I_ run this shit."

She stood, pacing the room with her arms folded, but it wasn't long before they were flying as she gestured with each word spoken. "A year, and I'm no closer to finding out who betrayed us. I choose to live under their noses, undermining them every chance I get. They want to see me as the dirt poor stripper? They want to laugh at me because they took what was mine? That's _fine_ ," she spit. "But when I catch who had my father killed, God help them if they were involved. I'll cut them down without thinking twice."

Fuck, she turned me on. I cleared my throat. "So Garrett and Felix are your eyes and ears? That means you aren't dating the Garroter." Thank God for small miracles.

"No, I'm not dating Garrett." Bella spun to face me. " _You_ , you were a twist in my plan I couldn't have seen coming. But I know people in Chicago, I know people in the Volturi Family. It didn't take much digging to find out only one person had heard of Tony Di Stefano, and after that little nugget of information, I hacked the FBI's facial recognition software. I'm not as uneducated as the boys in this Family seem to think."

She paced again, stopping at the bar in the corner and pouring herself a drink, throwing it back before looking at me again. "Imagine my surprise when you didn't come back as some petty conman, or even local police, but goddamn FBI. I haven't told anyone, not even Carlisle. I don't want to force his decision between me and the safety of his crew." She took a deep breath and leveled a stare that went straight through me. "God knows I tried to stay away from you. In the beginning, yeah, I tortured you. It was easy, and you were so cute trying to be a gentleman." Her expression clouded over. "But you're a fed, and I'm the head of the Mafia. There's nothing for us to do but work together."

I stood, slowly stalking her across the room. Bella all but admitted she was into me, and I didn't know what to make of it. I wanted her still, I had wanted her from the moment her surveillance picture captured me. She'd just lost her father when that was taken, and made the decision to hide in plain sight as a stripper. Now, she was offering me a chance… to do what, exactly?

"So I help you track down Swan's killer, or you'll kill me?" I clarified. As I drew closer to her, she backed away until she bumped into the wall.

"Yes," she breathed, her hands flexing on the flat surface behind her.

"And you don't want to explore whatever might be between us, because I'm a fed, even though you've given me no choice but to break the law to work for you?" I leaned in close to her, caging her against the wall with my hands on either side of her head.

She nodded, the pulse in her throat jumping.

"But you _do_ want me, don't you?" Leaning even closer still, I stopped an inch away from touching her lips with mine. My pants were so tight it was painful. I had no idea where my morality had gone, but she did that to me.

Bella's eyes drifted closed, then popped back open. She licked her lips and swallowed. "You need to make your decision." She failed to sound as stern as she did when she previously made her offer.

"Oh, I've made my decision. Now it's up to you." I heaved a huge breath. "Either kiss me or kill me; I have no other options."

Yeah, I was royally fucked.

* * *

What are your thoughts? Are you totally surprised, or is it just what you expected? The next chapter is completely new content, so yay!


	6. Chapter 6

**Here is the chapter most of you have been waiting for, either because it's the first chapter of new content or because it's the first lemony chapter, or even for both reasons. The gifs and pictures you're wanting are on the blog (MeteorOnAMoonlessNight. blogspot. com), and don't forget that it's a bad idea to open that in public or at work.**

* * *

 _I got secrets, that nobody, nobody knows_

 _I don't want what I can get, I want someone with secrets_

 _You got me hooked up on the feeling_

 _You got me hanging from the ceiling_

 _Got me up so high I'm barely breathing_

 _~Kehlani, Gangsta_

* * *

 **When I realized it's a terrible idea to mix secrets and sex.**

All the months of pent up lust finally exploded. I pushed my body into hers, all hard angles meeting her soft flesh, and moaned as I took her upper lip between my teeth and bit down. My hands shot to her hair, and I turned her head to suit my needs, because fuck it. Everything had been her way this whole time, and she'd managed to lead me around by the short hairs. I would be damned if she decided to kill me, but I didn't think that was her game. She hadn't even told Carlisle about my identity.

My tongue was rough and seeking, my teeth nibbling almost to the point of pain. She hadn't moved from her spot against the wall, but she didn't touch me, either.

I pulled away and dragged air into my lungs. "Godammit, Bella."

She shoved me back several paces and headed out of the room. I followed her, not knowing what else to do. Her house was large, and my irritation grew at the thought of my tiny couch for a bed. All this time, she had a fucking mansion to go home to, and I was squished onto a lumpy excuse for a couch.

"I bet you were just laughing it up with the motherfucking Garroter while I was scrounging up loose change to keep you from being homeless."

She spun, blocking the doorway to the kitchen. "You can't blame me because you're a pushover."

"Pushover? _I'm_ a pushover?" I shouted. I stalked forward, and Bella retreated.

"Yes, Edward, _you._ All I had to do was bat my lashes and you were tripping all over yourself to help me." She snorted. "And don't think I don't know what you were doing in the bathroom the day the towel bar broke and you fell in the floor. I don't know how you have any pride left after that move."

I kept moving forward, and Bella kept moving back. We both stopped when she backed into the kitchen counter. "And who had to traipse all over the apartment in nothing but a shirt and thigh high socks? Like it wasn't obvious you were trying to get me to lose my cool."

"And you did lose it, _all over_ the bathroom tiles."

I made a sound in my throat that was embarrassingly similar to a growl, pushing her until she had no choice but to sit on the island. I leaned in close to her face again, saw how her pupils dilated. Suddenly her hands were all over me, yanking my hair until my mouth crashed into hers. Our teeth bumped as we frantically tore at each other's clothes, her skirt riding up her thighs. I tore her fishnet stockings as she scrambled to unfasten my pants, and in less than a second, I plunged my cock into her pussy. We came together insanely, almost brutally, as she grasped the back of my neck and held me tighter to her. I drove into her relentlessly, reveling in the loud sounds escaping her mouth. She had nothing to hold on to but me, and she clung with a desperation that seemed out of character.

"Ugh!" she yelled, her legs straining and tightening around mine as she came.

I wasn't far behind her, and I kissed her hard again, shoving my tongue in her mouth and tasting her thoroughly. When I released her, she breathed heavily and leaned back on her hands.

"Holy shit," she choked out.

I stepped away and fixed my pants while Bella did her best to tug her skirt down.

"I don't know where the fuck we go from here," I panted.

"I have to keep up my cover at the club, but I need those answers about my dad."

"I've been investigating the best I can the whole time I've been here, and I've come up with absolutely nothing." I ran my hands through my hair and sighed. "I don't know who I should be looking at."

"I can tell you right now, it's a boys' club. Befriend Emmett or Jasper, and get me what I need."

I looked her over; the disheveled hair and bunched up shirt, smeared lipstick and light sheen of sweat. I stepped close again and grinned when she backed up to the counter once more. "I just had my cock inside you thirty seconds ago, and already you're ordering me around."

"What can I say, it wasn't that earth shattering." She shrugged nonchalantly, but I read the challenge in her eyes.

"Are you suggesting I should do better next time?"

"There won't _be_ a next time," she said haughtily.

I chuckled loudly. "Oh, yes there will, doe eyes." I gave her a smug smile, but she walked away from me like she didn't have a care in the world. Felix came into the kitchen less than a minute later, and I understood that I'd been dismissed.

I did what Bella suggested and made a point of getting together with Emmett the next night. He wanted to meet at a bar, so I grabbed a cab and met him there. I hadn't spoken to Bella since we'd fucked on her kitchen counter, and I wondered if she was hiding from me.

"Tony!" I heard the loud voice over the bumping music and headed to the barstool next to Emmett's.

"Hey, Emmett." I sat next to the blond giant and eyed his beer bottle. When the bartender came around, I ordered the same.

"Whatcha up to?" he asked me casually.

"Earning cash, man. Jasper wasn't kidding when he said it was a piece of cake with your own territory."

"That is very true. It gets better the higher you rank, dude. Imagine what it's like for me and Jasper." He winked, and I forced myself to grin. Yeah, they thought they were raking in the dough while Bella starved.

"You know, I've been hoping to move to a bigger place now I've got some money. It's tough sharing a place with that little tease."

Emmett looked at me from over the top of his beer bottle as he took a swig. "Afraid I don't know of many places to rent. I own a house; it's a good place to invest money so that it doesn't get traced."

"I'm not quite a baller like you, man." I made sure to act impressed.

"So, Bella's a cocktease, huh?" He sounded entirely too interested.

"Yeah, she wears next to nothing. But she's always sobbing about her dad, so it gets weird."

I watched his face carefully as I spoke, and caught the twitch of the muscle in his jaw. "Yeah, she's a crier. Don't listen to anything she says, or you'll be pulled into her drama."

"Thanks for the advice. Maybe it's not worth the piece of ass after all, huh?"

We laughed, and it felt strained. I had the feeling he knew something he didn't want me to know, but it could be that he was afraid I'd call him out about Bella being forced to strip for his club. I knew better than to sound like I was questioning his judgement, though.

We spent about an hour drinking before calling it a night. I took a cab back to the apartment, not excited about the prospect of being alone. Now I was positive that Emmett knew something, but I wasn't any closer to proving it. Sighing, I unlocked my front door, expecting it to be cold and dark inside. It was dark, but it sure as fuck wasn't cold.

I was pushed against the door as soon as it closed behind me, the scent of everything that I associated with Bella drenching me. Hot lips attached themselves to my throat, and I gripped her hips tightly. Her breathing was outrageous, harsh and catching as she moved rapidly. She pulled at my clothes, the sound of ripping practically echoing in the dark apartment. I picked her up and her legs went around my waist, her high heels digging into the backs of my thighs. I stumbled blindly while she kissed me urgently, her hands pulling at the hair at the nape of my neck.

I headed in the direction of the bedroom as her kisses turned to biting. My upper lip was sucked into her mouth, and I shifted her weight to push her pussy over my throbbing cock.

"Ungh, I need you to fuck me, Masen."

 _God damn._ "You want this cock again so soon?" I teased her.

"You're goddamn right," she panted in my ear.

The bedroom door was open and I made it to the bed with only a stubbed toe. I pretty much threw her horny ass down on the mattress and climbed on top of her immediately. I could just make out her silhouette in the light coming through the curtains, and hastily pulled at her clothes. I needed to bury myself inside her before she changed her mind. Bella had my pants unfastened and my leaking cock out before I could get her completely naked.

"Ah, fuck!" My hips moved in her direction of their own accord as she used both hands to jack me off.

I started yanking haphazardly on her clothing then. Whatever I could reach, I pulled until it either came willingly or ripped. She'd worked me into a damn frenzy, and I was desperate. Her perfume, her lust, her sounds, and the feel of her hands on my dick were about to send me over the edge, and I hadn't even gotten my pants off yet.

"Bella," I said through clenched teeth. "I need to take these pants off so I can finally fuck you."

She let go and I wasted no time in standing up and shoving my jeans down to my ankles. When we were both naked, I pulled on her legs until she met me at the edge of the bed and pushed into her.

"Fuck!" she squealed, holding her thighs to widen her legs and give me complete access to her pussy. I didn't go easy on her in the slightest, pumping in and out of her at a frenetic pace as I grabbed the tits I'd missed out on the first time.

The neighbors could probably hear the porn star noises Bella was making, but I didn't give a flying fuck. I loved how noisy she was, I loved the fact that I was the one making her scream and moan and tremble as she fell apart. There was no space between us as I came with several shouted curses, pressing my body to hers and leaning over to rest my head in the crook of her neck.

I almost hated to pull out of her, but I did it anyway and went in to the bathroom to clean up. I expected her to follow me, but I found her laying across the bed when I returned. I pulled my boxer briefs back on and sat on the bed next to her.

"This is the second time we've had sex, and I've never asked you about a condom," I started.

"I'm on birth control. Trust me, I don't need a baby to throw me off track."

That mollified my momentary panic. She was very still, and I couldn't tell if her eyes were open or closed.

"I don't know what the hell we're doing here," she said. "I can't stay at my house and risk blowing my plans, but we can't keep this up, either."

"I don't know why you think that, but you're the boss."

A little stung at her dismissal, I got up and went to the couch, more confused than ever about my feelings for Bella. I was sure not going to push her into anything she didn't want, but I wasn't going to wallow anymore either.

Because it's a terrible idea to mix sex with secrets.

* * *

 **So... thoughts?**

 **twimima7, thank you for your reviews. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Even though this is a mobfic and I doubt you're here for fluffy kittens and sparkly unicorns, I will still remind you that there is violence in this story. Proceed with caution if you're squeamish but still with me.**

* * *

 _She comes along, she gets inside_

 _She's better than anything you've tried_

 _The rules have changed, the lines begin to blur_

 _She makes you hard, she comes on strong_

 _Wave goodbye to what you were_

 _~Nine Inch Nails, With Teeth_

* * *

 **How I came to realize I'm not invincible.**

Nothing was going my way. My balls were bluer than they'd been when I wasn't having sex. I still wasn't having sex, but what I'd had was incredible, and then it was gone. At least Bella didn't walk around half dressed anymore, I had to give her credit for that.

"Masen!"

I startled out of my daydream as Bella shouted my name. "You know, if you're going to go with my real name all the time, you might as well out me to Carlisle. And it's Edward, not Masen."

She stood in front of me, tapping her fingertips on her waist. She was dressed as Stripper Barbie. "I don't slip."

"You don't know you won't until you do it. It's my life on the line," I said angrily.

Bella moved toward me quickly, straddling me and pushing my chest until I sat back against the couch. "So you don't want me to call your name when you fuck me?" she purred.

My dick stirred under her, I couldn't help it, but I reined it in. "You can't tease me like that after you told me we weren't going to have sex again."

She stood just as quickly as she'd sat, adjusting the long sweater she was wearing over her work outfit. Her face clouded over, but I didn't care if she was pissed. "You need to come to the club tonight. Something major is going down with the boys; they even hid the details from Carlisle."

"All right, let me get my jacket and we can go together." I stood and grabbed my jacket and keys, unable to meet her eyes.

Felix let us in, giving me the usual silent treatment. I made my way to the bar while Bella went to the back to get ready. I ordered a glass of whiskey before turning to face the club, trying to discern what was going down while looking as nonchalant as a normal patron. A new girl came on stage and started dancing, and nothing happened out of the ordinary. The song went on, the girl got nude, I couldn't even find the slightest interest in her naked body, and the song ended. Bella came out next, announced as Baby Girl, and I felt it. The same possessiveness I'd felt since seeing her in the surveillance photos. Her long brown hair swept the floor as she spun upside down on the pole, and I wondered for the hundredth time how she forced herself to strip when she didn't have to do it for the money.

Everything shifted then, almost simultaneously. Bella righted herself and peeled her bra off, the door to the back room was slammed opened, and the music scratched to a stop. A few patrons gave startled gasps, and I heard a few of the girls scream. Bella stood stock still, her legs planted and her breasts in her hands. Every cell in my body shouted at me to go to her, to protect her, to cover her, but I stayed rooted to the spot. Three men came through the door that had been roughly shoved open, and one of them was clearly not going to make it through the night.

He was covered in blood and stumbled as he was pushed into the main room of the club. Jasper and Emmett followed him, the lean brother smoking a cigarette like he hadn't a care in the world. Emmett clamped his hand on the bloody guy's shoulder, and when he lifted his head I recognized him as Petey Cap.

"There's a rumor going around," Jasper started, the cigarette dangling. "I've heard we have a mole. A _rat_. A _fed_."

Emmett looked around the room, and I zeroed in on Bella again. If this had all been a set-up to lure me here so they could kill me, there wasn't a thing I could do about it. My muscles tensed, but I threw back the whiskey at my elbow and waited.

"We thought we could beat the information out of this guy, who seems to know too much of other people's business," Emmett said, gripping Petey's shoulder hard. Pete whimpered. "Turns out he don't know nearly as much as he thinks he does."

"So we're giving all yous here one chance." Jasper looked at the faces around the room, including mine. He met my eyes and kept moving, giving no indication that he suspected me. "This man is dead. Who's going to stop me?" He pointed his weapon at Pete's head, and I clenched my fist around my glass. I couldn't intervene. I could do nothing to save him, or I'd die next to him.

"Anybody?" Emmett asked. "You're all gonna let us kill this man in cold blood?"

Jasper pulled back on the hammer of his pistol and pressed it to Pete's temple. Pete sobbed and begged, saying he hadn't known what he was doing. My guess was that he'd sold info to one of the other families, but I wasn't sure. I closed my eyes briefly, but then I fixed my gaze on the pistol that was about to end a human being's life. I had to remain unaffected to save my own life.

"All right, boys." Jasper smirked. "And girls. I'm going to count to three. If the fed wants to step forward and admit who he is, maybe we'll go easy on him." Emmett laughed and Jasper continued. "One…" He looked around again, but everyone was mute. "Two…" I swallowed nervously but kept my gaze trained on Petey's head, knowing it was about to blow open. "Three."

The following sound wasn't as loud as it could have been, thanks to Jasper's silencer, but the results were the same. The ladies screamed and cried, burying their faces in their hands. I looked up at Bella, and she grabbed her bra and rushed off the stage. Feeling that it was okay to move, I followed her, skirting behind where Emmett was instructing everyone to get the fuck out so they could clean up. I refused to look at Pete again. I had the image of his exploding skull locked in my brain already.

I found Bella getting dressed, pulling her sweater on hastily and grabbing her purse.

"Bella," I hissed, and she looked up at me.

"Come on," she replied quietly, punching a code in one of the doors that I thought led to an office. Instead, we found ourselves out on the street behind the club.

"What the fuck was that back there?" I growled as we hustled.

"Shut up and keep moving," she instructed.

I listened to her for a change, sensing the danger I could still be in. We climbed in my car and I drove the Cadillac through the empty streets without saying a word, until we reached the spot I would normally turn off at for our apartment.

"Keep going," Bella said. "We'll go to my house."

I had to admit that the thought of an actual bed made me so happy I could have cried. I followed her hushed directions, mostly remembering the way. When I pulled into the driveway she directed me around the side of the house to the garage. I parked inside and shut off the engine, then just sat there with my hands on the wheel.

"Edward," she whispered.

"I let him die," I replied, my voice not above the same whisper she'd uttered. "I did nothing to save him, instead opting to save my own ass."

Now I did get out, slamming the door so hard it rattled in the frame before slamming my way inside her house. I didn't know my way around, so I stopped in the mudroom and spun when she came up behind me.

"I let that man die because of my own stupidity!" I shouted. "If you were able to find out my true identity, anyone else could, too!"

"Shut the fuck up for a minute!" she ordered.

I stood silently, glaring at her.

"You need a shower. Then we can talk. I'll get food."

Confused as to what she was talking about, I nonetheless followed her to a guest room. "There's towels in the linen closet, there." She pointed. "There's soap under the sink. Meet me in the kitchen when you're done."

I watched her leave, her sweater covering her ass, but I still ogled her black stockings covering mile long legs and the spiked-heel shoes. Sighing, I headed into the bathroom and pulled a folded towel out of the closet before moving to turn on the shower. It was fucking massive, like the type I'd seen in catalogs and considered installing in my own condo. There were multiple shower heads, and I looked forward to getting in.

I turned to put the towel on the vanity and get some soap, then started pulling my clothes off. That was when I glanced in the mirror and froze.

My left side was covered in a fine spray of blood, cast off brains and other bodily fluids from Peter Caplan. I hadn't realized I was standing that close to him. I leaned over the sink, pushing my palms into the edge of the counter to ground myself. I was going to be sick. It wasn't the first time I had witnessed someone die, and I'd even been the man on the other end of the gun before. I'd taken lives. It was the knowledge that this man was innocent, used as a pawn to get to me. He was dead because of me.

Looking up at my reflection in the mirror again, I punched the glass hard enough that it shattered around me as I screamed out my rage. I punched it over and over again, shouting until I was hoarse.

"Hey! Hey, hey, _hey_! _Edward_!" Bella screamed.

I stopped, my shoulders and chest heaving. My knuckles burned and so did my eyes. I couldn't see for the tears that mixed with the blood on my left side and blurred my vision. She rested her hands on my shoulders until I turned around, and I buried my face in the crook of her neck.

"There was nothing you could have done. If you'd spoken up, you'd be dead, and most likely so would I. You saved the both of us."

I didn't agree with her, but I was too drained to argue. I let her lead me to the shower and push me inside. I was still dressed but I didn't care. I let the hot water run over my face until I thought I had control of myself. When I looked out at the bathroom, Bella was gone again. I stripped fully and left my wet clothes in a heap on the shower floor.

When I was clean and dry, I stepped into the guest room and found clothes on the bed. I picked up the basketball shorts and discovered that they were mine. She must have sent someone to our apartment while I was showering. After pulling on the shorts and the t-shirt, I left the room in search of the kitchen.

I realized quickly how much my hand hurt as I flexed my fingers. I found Bella sitting at the table, hair in a waterfall down her back. Her face was clean of makeup for a change, and she was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. There were Chinese takeout containers on the table, and I took a seat across from her.

"Oh, here. Let me get you something for those hands."

She stood and went to the desk in the corner, opening a drawer and pulling out a prescription bottle. She shook a pill out into her hand and brought a water bottle from the fridge with her.

"Bella, no offense, but I'm not taking random drugs from you."

"It's a Vicodin prescribed with my weight in mind. I assure you it won't knock you out. I have Advil, if you'd prefer?"

"Advil, please."

She disappeared and came back a moment later with a bottle of Advil, which I accepted. I watched her put the other pill back in the container. "Would it be nosy of me to ask why you have those?"

"I was shot the same night Charlie went down."

Her words were brief, and I understood I was not to tread in that area.

"I'll pay for a replacement mirror."

"There's really no need, I assure you. I'm surprised by your reaction, though."

She sat back down at the table and began to open the containers. The smell of sweet and sour chicken hit my nose and my mouth watered.

"I'm law enforcement, Bella. I'm supposed to protect and serve; it's built into my DNA. I hate that I let Pete die."

"Petey Cap deserved to die. You're only upset because Jasper and Emmett used his death to taunt all of us. I don't believe they really think we have a fed in our midst. I think they were pissed at Petey's incompetence and the fact that he let a thing or two slip to his mistress that caused some minor backlash. He was a tool used to remind everyone of how ruthless those two can be."

She shoveled fried rice in her mouth, and I looked down at my plate. If what she said was true, he would have died one way or the other. I just hated that I did nothing to stop it. I knew it was necessary in order to maintain my cover, but that didn't make it any easier to swallow.

We ate in silence for a few minutes until she spoke again. "I had Garrett sweep our place as a precaution. He does it once a week routinely, but after tonight, I had to be sure."

"You can thank him for my clean clothes then, because I'm sure he did both." I gestured at myself before taking a swallow of water.

"Mmm," she hummed noncommittally.

"So we're safe, then?"

"For now."

Yeah. _For now_.

That was the night I realized that I'm not invincible.

* * *

 **By the way, it's okay to be confused. They all have secrets we aren't meant to know yet.**

 **princeselisa, thank you for your smileys. Your PMs are off, so I can't reply directly.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Gratuitous lemons and a teeny bit of information.**

* * *

 _I'll keep you close and keep my secret safe_

 _There's a darkness down inside me that I know we'll both enjoy_

 _I have left this bloody nightmare in my wake_

 _And I won this deviation by design_

 _When I'm dying for you I've never felt so alive_

 _~Stone Sour, Song 3_

* * *

 **When Bella proved she would keep me on my toes.**

"Hey, Tony, I need to ask you to help out with tonight's shipment."

Emmett's voice over my phone's speaker surprised me a little. I didn't know they wanted to promote me.

"Are you sure you don't have anyone else?" I asked warily, sitting up in bed and rubbing my eyes.

"Are you turnin' me down, Di Stefano?" he demanded.

"Of course not, I'm just surprised you trust me with this."

"I'm not making you lead man or anything, I just need an extra pair of hands to unload. It's probably a one-off for now, but yes, I trust you."

I sighed in relief. "Give me the details so I can write them down."

After I hung up I had to go in search of Bella. I'd woken up in the guest bed, a tiny bit disappointed to be alone, but it was the best night's sleep I'd gotten since I went undercover. I made a stop in the bathroom before going toward the kitchen, happy to smell coffee. When I turned the corner from the hallway, I had to stop short and close my eyes.

"What the fuck are you wearing, Bella?" I swear to God, she's trying to kill me.

"What? It's what I sleep in, Tony."

"Don't you 'Tony' me. That is _not_ what you sleep in." She was only in a tank top the color of the sky and a pair of panties that didn't even pretend to cover her ass cheeks.

"It's what I slept in last night," she returned.

I sighed heavily and rubbed my temples before opening my eyes and going to the coffee pot. I did my best to ignore Bella as I grabbed a mug hanging on a mug tree on the counter. Only once I'd taken a sip did I turn around and take a seat at the table. My gaze only settled on her eyes, dark and hiding something.

"Emmett asked for my help on a shipment tonight. I need to know what I'm walking into."

She didn't say anything, just picked up her phone and started texting. I tamped down my impatience and drank more coffee while she waited for a response. Finally her phone vibrated, and she read the message before setting it face down on the table.

"Looks like they have a tour boat coming in, with a small amount of drugs hidden in the storage compartments. I'm not sure at the moment what the drugs are specifically, but that hardly matters. If Emmett trusts you to help, you can't bust this delivery."

"I'd figured that part. It wasn't about that, unfortunately. I know I have to let their illegal activities continue until I get the answers I need. But believe me, it chaps my ass to think of them spreading that crap on the streets."

"And what a fine ass you have," she said with a smirk.

"Ha. Ha."

She stared me down for several seconds. "You know, we should talk about the apartment."

"Should we?" I retorted.

"Now that you know I have a house, it seems unfair to make you keep sleeping on the couch. As long as you keep your mouth shut about it, I'll stay here and you can have the bedroom back."

I leaned forward. "And who am I gonna tell? Besides, I really should get a bigger place since I'm bringing in more of a commission. I need to make it look realistic."

"Yes, that's a good idea. I'll stay here until you find something."

"So magnanimous."

Her eyes narrowed lethally. "You should be grateful I haven't put a bullet in your brain yet."

"Ah, therein lies your conundrum. You need me." I took another sip of my coffee and watched her fume. She stood abruptly, and I didn't allow my eyes to wander as she moved behind me. My instincts were pretty good; I knew precisely what she was doing as she opened and closed a drawer behind me, so the loud sound of the slide being pulled on a handgun didn't even make me flinch. I was positive she wasn't that ruthless, not to mention that she truly did need me to help her find out what had happened to her father.

"What is stopping me from pulling this trigger?" she demanded through clenched teeth. I enjoyed getting under her skin and she made it so easy.

"You. Need. Me," I repeated slowly, sipping more coffee. The barrel pressed into my skull. "Go ahead, princess."

The sound that came from her throat was absolutely a growl. "It's so goddamn tempting," she grumbled.

"Tsk, tsk, taking the Lord's name in vain."

She heaved a sigh. "Yeah, well, my revolver doesn't have a religion." She finally pulled away from me and put her gun away, slamming the drawer for effect.

"Now that you've had your tantrum, do you feel better? You and I both know you don't have the balls to kill a fed in your kitchen."

"Ugh!" she yelled.

One thing I would realize much later, when I had way too much time to dissect every little thing that had transpired between us, was that arguing with me sent Bella over the edge. Her temper flamed her desire, every time.

Taking me by surprise, she slid onto my lap and latched her mouth to mine, biting and sucking my lips. I'd tried my best to tamp down my desire as she walked around half dressed, but it rose up now and knocked the wind out of me. My hands went to her ass cheeks, my fingers pressing and seeking the spot to make her moan. And moan she did, into my mouth as our tongues moved with each other, tasting like coffee. Her hands were tangled in my hair and she ground against my erection.

"Clothes, Edward," she panted.

My cock rejoiced at my real name on her lips, and I pulled away to whip my shirt over my head. Her mouth moved to the skin of my neck, nipping at my pulse before she moved lower to kiss my chest and sink to the floor. My breath stuttered as she pulled down the waistband of my pants, and my cock stood up and practically waved at her. Her mouth closed around the head and I cried out at the pleasure of it. She spent a few moments bobbing up and down, and I felt it every single time she pulled me to the back of her throat. I gripped the edge of the table and held on while Bella swallowed me.

My eyes were closed when she let go of my cock and sat back in my lap again, this time with her underwear pushed to the side, but they popped back open as she sank down over me and rode me hard, her hips pumping over me as I felt the tightening in my balls. I grabbed her tits and squeezed, pinching her hard nipples until she screamed my name and clamped down on my dick. A few more thrusts into her body, and I was coming so fiercely my head swam.

"Why is it that you only want sex when you're pissed at me?" I asked.

Her head was on my chest, her hair tickling my chin as I breathed harshly. She didn't answer my question, merely got up and left the room. I sat there and stared at the clock on the opposite wall as my heart rate slowed to normal.

She was a dichotomy, a mob princess and a stripper, swearing that she didn't want to get involved with me and then fucking me every few days. The sex I would definitely not complain about, it was the dicking around in between that bothered me. She didn't have to keep me satisfied to keep me in line; she knew enough of my secrets to not only ruin me, but to have me killed. I was beholden to her regardless of what sexual favors she did for me.

She definitely kept me on my toes.

* * *

 **I almost forgot to post this chapter! My dog has been sick for a few days and I took him to the vet. No answers until Monday.** **:( He's acting normally, though, so I'm sure he'll be okay.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for all your well wishes for the pupper. He's back and forth with diarrhea, but his test was negative for everything. Quite a few of you suggested canned pumpkin, since the rice I offered was met with disdain and the cheese stopped him up until he exploded. He's currently sprawled all over my oldest child, as though he doesn't realize he's a Mastiff.**

* * *

 _You don't know just how far I'd be willing to go_

 _You put the cracks into my moral code_

 _Any who cross our paths are just collateral damage_

 _You gon' make me a believer, even if that shit ain't true_

 _You will make me commit murder; baby, I'd kill for you_

 _~Skylar Grey, Kill For You_

* * *

 **When I realized I would kill for Bella Swan.**

After the first time I skipped a meeting with Black, it became easier to make excuses for why I was unable to see him in person. I checked in regularly so he wouldn't worry I'd bit a bullet, but I was vague and got right to the point each time. Sometimes I texted him from a burner phone, using only my code, sometimes I called him from a payphone when I knew he'd be out of the office and left a voicemail. He couldn't come to me, and we both knew it.

I was breaking rules, breaking laws. Though I knew I had some leeway so as not to bring attention to myself, I also knew I was taking it further than I should. I wasn't supposed to be involved with Bella, and yet I was. Well, when she wanted sex I was involved with her. It seemed that the only time that happened was when I pissed her off. I should have notified Jacob of the shipment ahead of time so that those higher in the chain of command could decide if they should move in or turn a blind eye to keep my cover. I didn't. I didn't mention it before or after. I didn't say anything when I was asked to represent the family for the exchange of those drugs with the dealer. I let Emmett and Jasper give me more and more responsibility, and I left it all out of my reports.

Most of the time Bella drove herself to and from work, but once in awhile I would drive her and spend time hanging out at the bar in hopes of overhearing some information that would point me in the right direction. So far, it had been a bust. It was increasingly frustrating to not have anything at all to go on, especially since Bella constantly pressured me to get her answers.

I could still picture Petey's blood on the carpet as I sat and gazed out at the main floor of the club. The ugly red and black pattern would hide any remaining stains that hadn't come out, but I knew the Cullen family had a professional clean up team. It didn't matter, I could picture the brain matter as it sprayed toward me and the wall next to the bar. Pete had made the mistake of talking too much, a mistake that I wasn't willing to make.

I was pulled from my macabre thoughts as Bella came over to the bar. It was almost closing time, and she had her coat on and an umbrella in her hand. It had rained relentlessly all week, which seemed to make her grumpy.

"Hey, baby, is your name Gillette?" I looked over at the drunk idiot that put his hand on Bella's arm as he wobbled up to her. He swayed a little as he tried to get a look at her boobs under her trench coat. They had been on display more than once up on stage, but, hey, whatever.

"It must be, because you're the best a man can get!" He snickered at his own joke, despite the fact that Bella aimed a death glare in his direction. She shook his hand off her arm and got right in his face. She never failed to turn me on, so I pitied the guy. But only a little.

"If you dare to touch me again, I will shove this umbrella up your ass and open it," she said in what I considered her boss-lady voice.

He blanched.

"I would listen to her," I said. "You ready to go?"

Bella nodded and headed toward the door in what could only be described as a sweeping movement. I winked at the drunk as I walked past, laughing my ass off at the thought that I was taking her home after he hit on her.

She had the umbrella open by the time I stepped outside, and I pulled my ball cap lower on my head before we dashed across the street to my car. I was still driving the Cadillac, and the only thing I could be grateful for was that it always started up. She didn't say anything as we tried to shut out the rain; we were wet and so was the interior of the car. The sound of the downpour was a loud pounding on the roof.

We had to make another mad dash when we got home. She was staying with me tonight because she was worried that one of the enforcers was tailing her to get information for Emmett and Jasper. Carlisle was the one to give her the heads up after a conversation the men had together.

"No offense, but I can't believe I have to stay here again," she complained once we made it up the stairs. Garrett had been by this afternoon to sweep for bugs and posted a man on the street to watch our apartment. So far, they'd never found anything, but to not be overly cautious was to end up dead.

"I haven't found any two bedrooms that the division will approve of. They're all too costly."

Bella threw her raincoat and umbrella on the floor, an uncharacteristic move for her. Her boots came off next, followed by her socks. "Great, so you have to be a goody-two-shoes fucking fed and abide by all the rules, do you?"

"You know I've already broken rules for you," I said in a warning tone. I was sick of having this same argument over and over.

"I don't give a fuck, Masen. In my world, you do what you have to do. How do you think I came to have what I have, by hiding in fear and doing what I'm told?"

"No, of course not. The very fact that you still strip when you don't really have to astounds me. You're more brave than I am."

"Don't have to? Don't _have_ to? I have to strip if I want to keep my cover story intact. I _have_ to strip if I want to stay alive. What do you think would happen if I waltzed up to Emmett fucking Cullen and told him I was the rightful heir and was demanding my place at the head of the Family?"

"He'd laugh at you."

"He'd kill me like he killed my father."

There were several seconds of silence as I thought about what she said and she panted heavily. "You don't have any proof," I said quietly. We sat on the couch as she started speaking again.

" _You_ don't have any proof. I have my instincts, the very ones that have kept me alive throughout this ordeal. I have the knowledge that Eric Yorkie, my dad's lawyer, let it slip to Jasper that my dad willed everything to Carlisle back in the day, but as I neared my eighteenth birthday he realized that I was cut out for this life. All those years with Carlisle right by his side, he'd been trying to protect me, but I was savvy and didn't flinch over blood like Daddy expected. He began asking my advice on everything from which drugs were selling faster to the price of inflation and who in the organization he should trust. If it wasn't for Carlisle's rat bastard sons calling Daddy at the last minute and telling him there was a problem with a shipment, he would have been at home having dinner with me. He went on good faith, not bothering to call for backup or asking anyone else what the issue was. He trusted them, and it got him killed. The stray bullets that nearly took my life that same night were no fucking coincidence, either."

"But you don't know who pulled the trigger," I stated. This was the crux of our problem.

"And I damn sure asked around. Carlisle was there to console me, and he knew that I was to be named in the will. I told him to keep that to himself and to accept the title. I went to the ceremony and watched his sons practically crown him king. He helped hide the fact that Daddy's money was left to me; in fact, he killed Yorkie himself," she murmured.

"Damn."

"He was the only other one who knew," she said in Carlisle's defense, running her hands through her hair and propping her bare feet on the coffee table. She was wearing sweats after her shift, but her heavy eyeliner remained around her doe eyes. "Those two would tag-team me, laughing and cajoling me. They didn't hide their glee over Daddy's death, and they took on the mantle of authority that wasn't theirs to take. Told me my name would be mud in this town if I didn't put my tits on display for them every night like a good little slut." She scoffed.

"The first photos of you, you looked so thin." I knew by now it was because her father had just died and she'd been going through so much. Apparently she'd also been shot.

"Yeah, well, I was miserable for a long time. I knew what my end goal was, but I was mourning. Carlisle was the only one I could talk to, and he was increasingly surrounded by his sons." She looked me dead in the eyes. "He's given me his blessing to kill them."

"Fuck." I didn't want to hear that about the man I begrudgingly respected.

"Make no mistake, I _will_ exact revenge when I have my proof. I'm just afraid neither of them actually pulled the trigger, and I want that bastard, too."

"You know I'm getting closer to them, but they aren't having me over for girl talk, either. I can only go as fast I am."

"That's why I need to push you out of your comfort zone."

"No."

"What the fuck, I haven't even said what it is yet." I saw out of my peripheral as she turned to scowl at me.

"I said no. I know what direction you want me to go in, and that might be you, but it's not me." I stood and went to the kitchen for water. She followed me.

"It's the last resort for getting all the way into the inner circle." Bella put her hand on my arm, and I gave her a look similar to the one she gave the guy in the club.

"Forget it." I shook her off to get a water bottle out of the fridge.

"Edward." Her tone had turned pleading.

"Goddammit, Bella! I'm not going to murder someone in cold blood to avenge your father's death for you! There are some lines I simply can't and won't cross."

I could feel the anguish rolling off of me and hitting her. She took it all, though, the anger and the frustration, and for once she didn't push my buttons.

She sighed and went back to the couch. "I'm out of ideas, Edward." Her hands went to her hair and she glanced up at me as I rejoined her.

"I understand that. Normally, I have to be prepared to be undercover for the long haul. Some cases take years. Information doesn't fall in my lap, and criminals don't trust easily. The only reason I'm in as far as I am is that I was vouched for through another Family, and because I took that bullet for Carlisle." I subconsciously rubbed the spot on my shoulder that sported a red scar.

"I need to know who it was. Neither Emmett nor Jasper are the type to get their hands dirty. They hired someone, and that person is a traitor in my mind. I can't cut two heads off a three headed monster and then ignore the lingering threat. I'm out of options."

"Yeah, well, you can't ask someone who's sworn to uphold the law to turn around and commit a capital offense."

"Hypothetically, if someone were to take out the threat that has Emmett on edge, that person would then gain extraordinary favor with a high powered criminal critical to a federal case."

I groaned. "You're relentless."

"I'm ruthless."

"Then you kill him!" I exploded. "I'll even look the other fucking way. I know I'm out here breaking all kinds of rules, but for the love of God, Bella, don't ask this of me."

She sighed heavily and stood, holding her hand out to me. I took it, bewildered at the gesture. She pulled me the short distance to the bedroom and shoved me down on the bed. Right about the time I was thinking she'd lost her damn mind, she pulled the covers back on the opposite side and crawled in. Like it was nothing at all, she laid her head on the pillow and closed her eyes. I guess I was invited to sleep in the bed with her.

Except I couldn't sleep. I pulled off my shoes and jeans and lay on top of the covers with my eyes wide open. I couldn't cross the line into murder. What happened to Petey played back in my mind when I let my guard down. I hated the idea of a life taken, unless it was in self-defense with no alternative. I wasn't even sure I could actually turn a blind eye as I'd promised her, if she chose to go that route herself.

I rolled over and looked at her face, at the smoothness of an untroubled brow. She looked peaceful.

"I know you're staring at me."

I laughed. "I thought you were asleep."

"Nope." She opened her eyes and I watched as she scooted closer, fussing with the blanket until we were touching. She shifted around until her arm was over me and her head on my chest.

"Why didn't you come to my Omertá ceremony?"

She sighed loudly and cracked an eye open to stare at me. "I wouldn't have been welcome. The Cullen boys would have made sure of that. To top it off, I was meeting with someone that was supposed to have info for me about Daddy, but he tried to force himself on me instead."

"That was the guy I had to kick out? You'd already knocked him unconscious."

"I told you I was ruthless. I let you see what you wanted to see."

"You still do."

"Go to sleep, Edward." Conversation over, apparently.

I curled my arm around her body, pulling her close to my side and realizing that I was actually comfortable. As I found contentment in her embrace and felt myself grow drowsy, thoughts of the possibility that I would actually cross the line and kill for her scared the living shit out of me. I was going to have to put up some walls to protect myself from getting in any deeper.

* * *

 **I have to ask if any of you think he'll go through with it?**


	10. Chapter 10

**You're not reading at work, on public transportation, in front of children or parents or anyone else you'd be uncomfortable reading lemons around, are you?**

* * *

 _Happiness is found in the darkest ways_

 _As I search around I know nothing but mistakes_

 _Black is the soul that's led astray_

 _And when you scream you push me so much further_

 _As it all falls down do I walk away_

 _Or do I stand my ground and accept my fate_

 _~Korn, Black is the Soul_

* * *

 **When I realized I'd gone too far to turn back around.**

I didn't expect Bella to be in bed with me when I woke up, and she didn't disappoint. Neither did I bother to worry about where she was, since she made it clear she ran this circus. I should have been the lion tamer, and instead I was one of many clowns crowding inside the miniature car.

I made a quick breakfast and a pot of coffee, pondering what I had to do today. Tributes weren't until tomorrow, and I didn't think I had any pressing business, so I decided to find an apartment once and for all. There were a few acceptable places in the paper and I called and made appointments to view them. I'd decided I didn't care anymore about the cost. Bella was right about one thing; I was pushing boundaries and breaking rules.

I spent the afternoon looking over three places, and made a decision on the second apartment. I gave the deposit and first month's rent to the manager and took my copy of the lease. Anthony Di Stefano had just become the proud lessee of a two bedroom condo in a nicer area than the one where he currently lived. The building was modern and sleek, all metal and windows. The living area was spacious with an open kitchen that looked over the common areas and had a view to the city beyond the large windows. I took the keys and headed back up the elevator, texting Bella to meet me at this address when she could.

I crossed the tiled entryway to the living room and sat on the sofa. I pulled off my shoes and stretched my legs out across the gray cushions, expecting to pass the time waiting for Bella with a nap. I liked that this place came furnished and included utilities. It eased my conscience to think I'd saved money in some aspects. From my spot I could only make out the dark clouds that threatened more rain, but it was fine with me. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind of everything weighing on it lately.

I could only hope to find the answers Bella needed and leave my post as soon as possible after that. I would lie like a rug to my bosses and make excuses for my sparse communication. All in all, there was nothing they could do to me. I had to be given leeway to thoroughly infiltrate an organization, and that included committing a few misdemeanors.

I fell asleep to the sound of the rain as it decided to grace us with its presence yet again. It was the sound of loud knocking that got my attention and forced my groggy brain to stand and pull open the door.

"Why in hell did you ask me to meet you here? And what's with the bare feet?"

I could see the moment it dawned on her, and she shut up for a change and took a look around. Her eyebrows were raised when she finally looked my way again.

"No shit?"

I shut the door behind her, nudging her out of the way so I could lock it. "No shit."

"Wow, I didn't think you actually had it in you, but look at this place." Her whole body turned a full circle as she took another look around. "Two bedrooms?" I nodded as she glanced at me. "Fancy."

"And expensive. It'll look better to the Cullens, though."

Bella walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch. "Speaking of the Cullens." She sat forward to shrug out of her coat and drop it on the coffee table.

"No." I pulled my hair in frustration and followed her to the couch. "What did you do?"

"What we discussed."

She said it so nonchalantly, like it was _please pass the salt_ instead of _I killed a man_. "Fuck, Bella!"

"Don't you dare start being virtuous with me. I did what I had to do, and I tried to tell you last night that it was going to happen one way or the other. I set it up to look like you did it. I have a picture that I'll forward to your phone and permanently delete from mine. Not that they'll ever bother to look at my phone, mind you, but I'd rather be safe than sorry."

I stood back up and paced to the window and back to the couch. "What the fuck were you thinking? I'm a goddamn _fed_ , Isabella! I should arrest you right this second and not even think twice about it!"

Bella got up in my face faster than I could blink. "But you won't, because it would mean your life is forfeit." She snatched her piece out of the back waistband of her pants and pointed it between my eyes.

" _Stop fucking shoving your gun in my face_!" I bellowed.

"Stop fucking asking for it!"

"You are insane!"

"I'm taking care of business! You have nothing without me, never forget it!"

I pushed away her hand and she relented, placing the gun on the coffee table. Her shoulders were heaving in her agitation as she stared me down.

"Riley was a piece of shit looking to impress his boss by taking out Emmett. Emmett will be forever grateful to you for taking out the enemy. Hell, maybe he'll even drop to his knees and suck you off."

I rolled my eyes. "That's not the point! You killed him after we agreed that I couldn't overlook murder!"

Bella laughed, and I really wanted to slap her. "You sure can overlook it, you have to let me do anything I want in order to take down the bigger fish. And _we_ didn't agree on any damn thing. You explained that you were a pussy and I explained that I had bigger balls and would take care of it myself."

"Murder has absolutely nothing to do with my masculinity for fuck's sake."

"Sure it does. Do you want to know how I did it? I almost paid the Garrotter, but at the last minute I realized he could never infiltrate the man's private club the way a stripper could." She was still toe to toe with me, her face flushed and her eyes wild.

"Did you fuck him and then kill him with his dick still inside you?" I didn't think I could find a reason to be more disgusted over her committing cold blooded murder, but that would be it.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she taunted.

"Goddammit Bella, as someone you regularly have angry sex with, I have a right to know!"

She leaned forward, and I backed up. "Does the idea turn you on? To know I was sitting in his lap like I did to you in my kitchen right before I slit his throat?"

I scoffed. "That's vulgar. And there's no way you could convince Emmett that _I_ was sitting in the guy's lap when I killed him, but nice try."

She laughed again. "Sure I could. Maybe Riley was into guys, what do I know?"

"You are _infuriating_. If you used your stripper wiles to gain access to his private room in his club, it had to have been because he found you attractive."

"What about you, Edward?" She took a step closer to me and I backed up again, that time bumping into the window. "Do you find me attractive?" She ran her fingers down between her breasts, and I did my best to ignore her. "Come on, I know you do. You like it when I fuck you, don't you?"

"Go away. Go beg for forgiveness or something."

"I already told you, my revolver doesn't have a religion. There's no forgiveness to be had, Masen."

Bella slipped her hand into my pants, finding and stroking my cock. I was proud of the fact that I wasn't turned on in her presence for a change. There was a first time for everything.

"Come on, Edward. I solved one of our problems. Be happy." She stretched up and nipped my chin.

"No, I don't think so." I pushed on her shoulders, but my effort was half hearted.

"Yes." She searched further until her hand was under my briefs.

I moaned, finally unable to hold back my desire. "Godammit."

She moved, her face inches from my ear. "I didn't have to fuck him. He was so eager to see my pussy that he sent his men from the room. I circled around behind him and pulled my knife from my bra."

She demonstrated, pulling a knife out of her cleavage and tossing it to the floor. "I _own_ men." She bit my earlobe. "Including you."

I groaned in annoyance. And maybe because she'd gone back to stroking my cock. "You're obnoxious."

"So?"

I was more annoyed with myself for wanting her even as she taunted me than I was with her actions. I yanked on her sweater, whipping it over her head as her eyes widened. Her hands went back to my pants and pushed them down, so I reciprocated and went for her pants. The second we were both naked I spun her around and pushed her against the window as I sank inside her. She cried out as I started a brutal pace, the only speed I seemed able to use with her. My hand travelled up her body until I cupped her throat and squeezed. She reacted by grabbing my hand and trying to claw it off, but she wasn't strong enough. There was a primal energy running through me at the knowledge that I was stronger than her, despite the fact that she always had the upper hand.

She couldn't cry out, I wouldn't give her the opportunity, but I grunted every time the front of my thighs slapped against the back of hers. I let up on my hold to let her breathe before squeezing again. The temptation to choke the life out of her was there, but I knew I would never follow through with it. She came hard, I felt it as she contracted around my dick, and I let go of her throat to grasp her hips instead. She was nearly limp while I pressed her against the window as I pounded into her until I found my release.

I was boneless as I pulled out. I couldn't do anything other than slump to the floor and try to catch my breath. She remained against the window, probably counting down until she had the energy to find her gun and point it at me again.

"Why do you always fuck me after we argue?"

"Fuck if I know, Masen."

"Why do I always let you get away with shit I know I should report?"

"I repeat. Fuck if I know, Masen."

Bella finally slid down until she was sitting next to me, her legs straight out in front of her. I rolled my head in her direction and noticed bruises on her hips.

"Did I put those there?" I couldn't decided if I was disgusted with myself or proud that I'd marked her.

"No."

"Oh." There went my caveman delight.

"You're dying to ask me who did, aren't you?"

"Only if they were the result of sex with someone else. You have to admit I have a stake in that sort of thing, since we always go bareback."

"Yeah, _we_ do."

"Okay, _I_ do. But you said I could, and we both seem to lose our freakin' minds when we fuck."

"Speaking of which."

I lifted a brow as I waited for her to go on.

"That was hot, what you did there."

I smirked. "So my masculinity is only in question when I refuse to murder people?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm going to find the shower."

"There's nothing in it."

"Then I guess I'll just rinse off and drip dry."

That actually didn't sound like a bad idea. I made my way to the other bathroom, the one in the bedroom I would be using. There was a bed without linens and a dresser. There was nothing in the bathroom, but the shower was a stall with a door, so at least I wouldn't soak the floor.

I turned the water on nice and hot as I thought about Bella. Why did she twist me up inside until I didn't know up from down and right from wrong? I was supposed to look the other way as the Family conducted their business, so why did it bother me so much that she'd killed Riley? I didn't want to be emotionally attached to a murderer. She was a criminal and I was a fed. Where did that leave us? Crashing and burning, that was for damn sure.

I'd gone way too far to turn back around.

* * *

 **Are we still distrustful of Bella, or are her motives becoming more clear?**


	11. Chapter 11

**A new source, and the information they've been waiting on.**

* * *

 _Blind, oh, but now I see_

 _Truth, lies, and in between_

 _Wrong can't be undone, oh no_

 _Well it slipped from the tip of your tongue_

 _Cold on ice, a dead man's touch_

 _Whisper on a scream, never change a thing_

 _~Five Finger Death Punch, Blue on Black_

* * *

 **When I finally stumbled upon the truth.**

After Felix let me in, I walked into Façade like I owned the place. I scanned the entire main floor out of habit, spotting a few guys here and there that weren't in the titty club for the titties. I snorted; they weren't my problem, but I wondered if Emmett knew they were selling crank in his establishment. I went into the back room and knocked on the office door. Bella informed me it was the second door on the right, but I would pretend I'd seen Emmett come out of there once if he asked.

The pale yellow door swung open. "Di Stefano?"

It wasn't Emmett I came face to face with, but Carlisle. I inclined my head out of respect. "Sir, I came to speak to Emmett. It's important."

Carlisle frowned. I was pretty sure he was still in the dark about me, but one never knew around here. The door opened wider, and I spotted the Cullen sons seated at a small round table. As Carlisle ushered me in and closed the door behind me, Emmett stood. At his full height, he had a good three inches on me. Carlisle sat next to Jasper.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and held my hand at my side. "I have something for you, if I may?" I said to Emmett.

He hadn't spoken, but he nodded. His arms crossed over his chest, and the material of his sleeves strained under the pressure.

I looked down at my phone to open it and find the photo gallery. When I opened the gruesome picture of Riley with most of his neck split wide, his head hanging at a sickening angle, I held the phone up facing the room.

Jasper stood quickly, knocking over his chair, and grabbed for the phone. "I'll be damned."

"Who is that?" Emmett reached for the phone, snagging it from Jasper.

Three heads snapped to me as I answered. "Riley Biers."

"No fucking way." Jasper seemed skeptical.

"You can see his face in the picture," Emmett defended me.

"Heard there was a problem with him. Took care of it." I shrugged.

"Why?" Carlisle asked. He was still seated and hadn't looked at the phone.

I met his gaze squarely. "You mess with someone in the Family, you mess with us all." It was a reason they couldn't find fault in and we all knew it.

Emmett's eyes narrowed on me before he aimed that glare on Jasper. "Seems to me I had someone that was supposed to take care of that problem for me. He didn't."

This was new information. And entertaining. Jasper tossed his chair around instead of righting it. "I tried! He has too many men on him, fuck. He's not even top of the food chain and he has more gorillas than Pops."

"Had."

"What?" he snapped at me.

" _Had_." I braced my hands on the table. "I told him I was gonna bring a parade of pussy from the club around and did he want a taste. He salivated at the offer, invited me into his inner office. He shooed away his men so I could show him the pictures I had of the girls. Sucker, that one. Not the brightest crayon in the box."

"So you just got real close and slashed him and nobody saw you leave?"

"See, this is where you and I are different." Jasper's eyes narrowed, and I tried to tread carefully while keeping my persona. "I scoped ahead of time. Private back entrance, out to the waiting car. No big deal. I walked around his office while I talked up the cream pie in this joint, and not until I clamped my hand over his mouth and whispered in his ear that I was doing it for Emmett Cullen did he squirm. It was too late for him."

Emmett came over and clapped his beefy hand on my shoulder. "My man! Let me set you up, what do you want? A car? A house? Girls?"

"Just your appreciation. I wasn't assigned the job, so there's no reward needed."

"Damn, man, at least let me buy you a round of drinks."

"That, I'll agree to."

The four of us exited the back room to head to the bar. I didn't bother telling them that the liquor they served here was shit. We took a table near the bar and Liam brought over an unopened bottle of top shelf scotch. Of course they had their own back there. No watered down cheap shit for these boys.

"I'd like to make a toast." Emmett raised his glass once he'd poured, and Jasper sat stone-faced and ignored his brother. Carlisle lifted his glass in my direction. "To Tony!"

"To Tony," Carlisle repeated.

I drank deeply, watching Emmett shove Jasper roughly. Jasper reluctantly raised his glass and swallowed it all in one go. The three Cullens drank quite a bit while we sat there and bullshitted about the dancers and the drugs I'd seen exchange hands. Jasper was put on the case, and I felt him shooting daggers at me.

The younger Cullens decided to call it a night, claiming two dancers from the stage and practically dragging them out the door with them.

"So."

I looked over at Carlisle. "Yes, sir."

"My boys treating you right? They can be… loose cannons."

"I've got no complaints, sir."

"No, I don't imagine you would." He tapped his pinky against his glass, a large gold nugget shaped ring glinting in the lights. "After all, you call me sir when I've said you don't have to. You took out an enemy without being told. You took in Bella Swan when nobody asked you to."

His eyes were direct and not cold, but not exactly warm either. He was quite good at hiding his emotions; I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Well, Carlisle, I call you sir because I respect you. I solved Emmett's problem because I'd heard chatter that it wasn't being taken care of and it was becoming a big deal." I looked down into my glass, weighing my options. "And Bella Swan was treated like shit after her father died and needed someone to give a damn about her." I met his gaze again and saw something flicker in his clever eyes.

He leaned back in his chair and lifted a hand. Liam appeared. "Another bottle, and the limousine after that. Mr. Di Stefano also requires a ride."

I stared back at him, refusing to fidget or sweat. Bella said he cared for her like a father, kept her secret and a watchful eye.

"So, you feel that I've done her a disservice." He paused while Liam returned with a bottle, and instead of opening it Carlisle handed it to me. "A small gesture of gratitude for essentially saving my son's life. I'll think of something more grandiose sooner or later." He fiddled with a cigar, lighting it and sucking on the end. "Bella tells you things?"

"Not really. I form my own opinions from what I hear."

"And what do you hear?"

"That she was forced to strip after Swan was killed. That's blatantly true."

"Murdered. Make no mistake, he was ambushed. His daughter was supposed to be waiting in the car outside the warehouse. Instead she was walking up to the back door when she was shot."

A piece to the puzzle fell into place. "And she was cleaned up and sent packing?"

"Essentially." He looked at me for several minutes. "Not my idea."

"So who's in charge, you or your sons? Surely you could have stepped in."

"How do you know I didn't?"

He had me there. I couldn't reveal what I knew. "Because I found her living in a shitty apartment with ten other strippers."

He nodded. "Point taken."

Liam stepped up to us again. "Car's here, sir."

Carlisle rose. "I'll be speaking with you soon, Tony. Thank you again."

I sat there and watched him leave. His goons flanked him before he hit the door, and one stepped outside, presumably to speak to Felix, while the other stayed in with Carlisle. When he returned they ushered him out the door.

"Pretty boy and ass kisser."

I looked up at the new voice. I hadn't seen him coming, I was so engrossed in Carlisle's every move. Dark greasy hair was slicked back from a pock-marked face and a scrappy body. He reeked of alcohol and body odor.

"Can I help you?" I said coldly.

"Prolly not. I've been in this Family for ten years now. Nowhere near as chummy with the Cullens as you seem." He waved over one of the scantily clad waitresses. She stood by his shoulder holding her tray propped against her hip.

"Yeah, Jimmy?"

"Vodka with a twist, sweets." He grabbed her ass and she slapped him hard. She stalked toward the bar with a scowl on her face and I tried not to laugh at the red mark she left on his cheek. Jimmy took the seat Carlisle had occupied.

"All the shit I did for those boys and still can't make capo. Stuck in the middle, no matter how many I whack for those goons. Better when the Swan was in charge, he gave a bigger cut."

"What's any of that gotta do with me?"

He sat forward, arms on the table. The waitress came back with his drink, staying out of arm's reach. Jimmy didn't even glance up this time. "'Cause you got the old man wrapped around your finger. You was just here, toasting with the boys. I gotta sit back and watch as men like you come in and get a promo while's I got jack shit."

"And this has what to do with me? I saved Carlisle's life. I keep my nose down, collect the money and pass it on without one cent missing. I call out the crank sellers dealing in this club under everyone's noses. What, you never saw it? Or you're getting a cut and don't care to report it. Not to mention I just took out Riley motherfucking Biers. What have you ever done?"

His bloodshot eyes narrowed in on my face. His voice was shaky when he answered. "I did the biggest job of all, the one nobody can take credit for."

My heartrate picked up at his words. I was so fucking close to what I needed. I scoffed, slapping at his ego. "Whatever you say, tough guy."

His hand came down on the table, rattling the glasses that were still there from the other three men. A few people looked over at us but quickly went back to their own business. " _I did the Swan_ ," he hissed. "I shot him and even got the cygnet accidental-like."

My mouth went dry. "No fucking way. Everyone knows that was another Family."

" _Bullshit_. It was E and J Cullen, goddammit. I just can't go round braggin' 'bout it 'cause it ain't supposed to be advertised."

I lifted my eyebrows and dismissed him. "Whatever you say."

He leaned further forward, a gold chain swinging out from under his mostly unbuttoned shirt. It dangled in his vodka. "The boys called him with a problem, said the shipment was junk. He left dinner with little miss perfection and came down to check it out. Juss like they knew he would. Few pops, all it took."

He sat back, the necklace plopping wetly against his shirt. He looked smug and I could tell he was being truthful. "I've got no words. They wouldn't set him up like that."

"Pfft. It got them put in charge, right?" I didn't answer and he grew agitated. "Fuckin' weasly sonovabitch, ain't ya? Already up their asses and ain't done shit."

I stared at him, hoping he'd take off. I needed to leave, wanted to bolt, but I couldn't look suspicious. Jimmy finally grabbed his forgotten vodka and downed it, then stood and hovered over me. "Watch your back."

He laughed like a fool as he walked off, and I didn't know if I should take his veiled threat seriously or assume he was full of shit. I sat for another fifteen minutes nursing my drink. I stared blankly at the stage and refused to take out my phone, though I desperately wanted to text Bella. I finally decided enough time had passed to not raise any attention and walked up to the bar, stuffing a few bills into the tip jar. I held the bottle of scotch the old man gave me against my thigh.

When I opened the door, Felix nodded at me from his post. I glanced behind me as the door closed.

"Felix? Is Jimmy someone I should watch out for?"

I wasn't sure if he'd answer, but he surprised me by replying immediately in his gravelly voice. "Nah. He's sour to be passed over for promotion again, but he skims. He's lucky he hasn't been given a mock execution." He looked at me more closely. "Why, he givin' you trouble?"

"Told me to watch my back."

He nodded like he was interested in what I had to say for a change. "I'll take care of it."

"Okay. Thanks." I didn't want to know in what way he would take care of it. I also suspected Bella would beat Felix to the punch once I told her what Jimmy had confessed.

Because I had finally stumbled upon the truth.

* * *

 **And how will Bella react, do you think?**


	12. Chapter 12

**If you're the sort to listen to the songs listed at the beginning of the chapters, please know that this one in particular has screaming with _fuck_ repeated throughout.**

* * *

 _I am clearly broken and no one knows what to do_

 _Itching is the pulse inside creeping out to come alive_

 _Times are looking grim these days_

 _Tortured by my memories of what I left behind_

 _~Korn, Get Up_

* * *

 **The exact moment I realized the end of this case would break me.**

I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, surveying the areas of the apartment I could see from the foyer. It looked like Bella had been watching TV, but it was turned off. There was a glass and a plate on the coffee table, and her favorite blanket was left haphazardly on the end of the couch she'd claimed as her own.

"Bella," I called into the echoing emptiness.

There was no response, so I shrugged out of my coat and set the bottle of scotch on the hall table. I glanced at the open kitchen as I passed it, finding broken glass on the island and the floor. Intrigued and a little worried, I continued to her bedroom, pausing at the partially open door. I heard the distinct sound of crying and pushed the door open the rest of the way to see Bella on her bed with her phone in her lap.

"Bella?"

She looked up, her face red and tears falling. She sniffed. "I had a fight with Carlisle. He's disappointed in me."

I sat beside her on the bed, watching her face crumble. "Why would he be disappointed in you?"

She pushed at the hair that had fallen in her face. It looked like she'd put it up in a ponytail at some point, but now it was sagging around her shoulders. "He knows what I did, and he told me I'm better than that. I told him it was exactly what I'd been raised to do."

"You told him you were responsible for Riley?" A vein in the side of my neck throbbed; probably thinking about how easily one of the Cullens could slice through it and end me.

"No, he just knew. He assured me that Emmett and Jasper believe that you did it, but he knew Riley better than those two. Carlisle knows that even though Riley wasn't the smartest, he never would have let you into his private office. I told him I needed to get you into Emmett's inner circle, and this was the only way I could think of."

The whole time she'd been staring straight ahead, and now she rested her head on my shoulder. My arm came around her. "So Carlisle has a conscience."

"He does. He's been looking for ways to get out of this life, but he can't leave those boys of his in charge. They'd burn the city to the ground."

"Sounds to me like he's letting you do the dirty work by taking them out. So why does he care about you taking out Riley?"

She sighed and shifted so that her whole leg was rubbing against mine. "If I'd let Riley kill Emmett, it would have been two less murders on my slate."

I could see Carlisle's point to an extent. Still, he'd murdered before, and he'd given her his blessing to kill his own sons. "So he's okay with you killing his boys because they're bad seeds, but he wanted you to let Riley slip by? And he killed your father's lawyer just last year. He's a hypocrite."

"Maybe he is. That's what we argued about. If he won't clean up the mess, then I will. It's just that he's a father figure to me, and it hurts when he's upset with me." She sniffed again.

I thought about what I had to tell her and what Carlisle's reaction to her plans would be. "So, I have some news for you."

Bella sat up straight and turned to look me in the eyes. "Did you hear something?"

I snorted. "I more than heard something, doe eyes."

"Well, what is it?" She pushed on my shoulder like she was a little girl hearing about a new dress or a Christmas gift.

"Jimmy. You know him?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Greasy Thumb, they call him. Yeah, I know who you mean. He's the guy that somehow never gets bumped, despite the number of times he's been caught skimming. I think they call him greasy because of that hair and because he slips through punishment."

"Well." I stood up, unable to take being still, and started to pace. "After Carlisle left Façade, this guy sits at my table and starts in on me. I'm close to the Cullens, I've been promoted, whatever. He says he's done the most for the brothers out of anybody, but they overlook it and him, never promoting him. He can't do anything about it, because he can't exactly go crowing about what he did."

"Oh my God!"

I could tell it had clicked for her. "Yes."

She stood as well, dropping her phone on the floor and grabbing my hand as she practically jumped up and down. "Did he say it out loud?"

"He did."

She stopped moving, and I saw tears filling her eyes. "What did he say?"

"He said he did the Swan and got the cygnet as a bonus."

Her hands covered her face and she started sobbing. Unsure of what else to do, I wrapped my arms around her and held on while she cried. A few minutes passed before she looked up at me, the sorrow and loss clear in her eyes. This was the vulnerable side she never let me or anyone else see.

"So callous as he discusses my father's death. It was a notch on his belt, and he thought it would get him notoriety and a huge windfall. Too bad he didn't realize that betraying the Boss wouldn't truly grant him any favors with those two. They're backstabbing liars only concerned with lining their own pockets. He's going to be first. Then I just have to decide which brother goes next." I watched calmly as she paced, then came to a stop in front of me. "You know I have to do it," she said, her voice pleading with me to understand. She had three men on her hit list, and she would accomplish her mission before I would turn in my case.

"I know."

"You're going to hate me when it's all over, aren't you?"

I had no answer without putting all my cards on the table. I saw her humanity, saw the parts of her that the Family and her life had buried deeply. She had to toughen up and be the bad bitch masquerading as a poor little stripper. She had to avenge her father's death, and that meant taking three lives.

At my lack of answer, Bella whimpered and stood on her toes, kissing me tenderly. She'd never shown any emotion other than lust when we were together, and I closed my eyes and turned off the over-thinking part of my brain. Fire rose through me, starting in my fingers as I gripped her ass tightly to me. It reached my chest and practically exploded outward at the same time she moved to cup my junk. And then I was a flaming ball of need.

"Bella."

She didn't respond, moving away just enough to pull her shirt off. Her bare breasts were like magnets, and my hands immediately touched them. Her head fell back as I molded my palms to her warm flesh, rubbing her nipples with my thumbs and causing her to give a guttural moan. She slipped off her shorts and underwear as she watched me watching her, and my hands went back to their exploration of her tits, the blue veins standing out against the paleness of her flesh. My heart was pounding in my ears and I couldn't help but bend around her to take a nipple into my mouth. I squeezed her ass cheeks as I held her close enough to taste, to devour and tease.

Her insistent hands on my waistband brought me to my senses enough that I helped her remove all of my clothes. She took my hand and pulled me to her bed with no words spoken between us. When we were lying there next to each other, she became more like the Bella I knew. She pushed me back and started biting and sucking on my neck, my shoulder, my chest, and down to my stomach. My abs contracted as she nibbled and licked her way across them.

I couldn't take it anymore; I wanted things we'd never experienced together. Practically pushing her off of me, I threw her legs over my shoulders and began teasing her. I focused on her creamy thighs, though her wet pussy was staring me down. I knew what she wanted as her fingers tangled in my hair, but I might never get the chance to draw it out again, so I moved my mouth across her legs and up to her belly. I swirled my tongue just above her clit, laughing when she groaned in irritation. Her thighs tightened around my neck, and I shifted so I was holding her legs down.

"Let me," I breathed across her skin, watching goosebumps rise.

"Fucking do it already, Masen." Her voice was strained, her hands fisting the sheets.

"Okay."

If she thought she was going to order me around, she was wrong. Sure, I touched her with my tongue, but I licked very slowly up her pussy, tasting her and watching her squirm. Slow circles of her clit alternating with lazy swipes of my tongue had her writhing and trying to buck her hips. When she reached for me, I grasped both her hands in mine and threaded our fingers together. Her legs fell to each side as I went back in with my tongue.

" _Fuck_."

I hummed against her and she gasped. Deciding to be nicer, I used my teeth on her clit, which maybe wasn't very nice, since she screamed and almost crushed my head with her thighs.

"Again." She was panting, her hands in mine clenched tight enough to turn our fingers white.

I did it again and she trembled, panting with need. That might have been my new favorite pastime, if she ever let me near her again. With a greedy tongue, I delved and swirled and flicked. I sucked and nibbled as she cried out and thrashed and her limbs quaked.

As she clenched and came, I levered myself up and slammed into her. My cock weeped at final victory, reveling in the way her muscles clamped down over me, caressing me.

"Oh, _fuck_ , Edward." She couldn't hold me tight enough as she clung to me, riding out her orgasm while I pumped furiously into her body. When I knew I couldn't last any longer, I found her with my fingers, wet and hot and slick as I rubbed her clit.

There was nothing coherent coming from either of our mouths by then. I decided to kiss her, knowing in my heart this was likely the last time we would be alone like this. I kissed her thoroughly, softly, slowly. When I couldn't breathe, I pulled away and buried my face in her neck, rolling to her side.

Bella's breathing evened out, and I knew she'd had plenty of emotional upheaval for one day. I stared at her in the light from the lamp, at the crescent of lashes leaving shadows under her eyes, to the tangled hair trying to cling to the band she'd put it in. My heart clenched as it recognized what I'd been trying to avoid.

I loved Bella Swan, with all her craziness and lawlessness. She was imperfection, and I wanted her in a way I knew could never work out. I was supposed to call this case a success and turn them all in. I had all three Cullens on enough charges to put them away for life. I knew the identity of the person that murdered Charles Swan, and those that hired him for the job. I had enough, but I would keep it to myself as Bella went on a bloody rampage. I would step aside and turn a blind eye as she murdered in cold blood. Because I understood her need in a way I shouldn't, and because I would let her do what I knew I should stop, I had to walk away once and for all.

I would do it, even though I was afraid it would break me.

* * *

 **Carlisle knows the truth, some of it anyway. Most of you don't trust him, so I'm curious what you think he'll do.**

 **I wanted to clarify something about Felix. He's not just the doorman, he's Carlisle's personal bodyguard during the day and he's completely on Bella's side.**


	13. Chapter 13

**I truly enjoy listening to all your theories. Some of you are diabolical.**

* * *

 _I tried to hold these secrets inside me_

 _My mind's like a deadly disease_

 _I'm meaner than my demons_

 _I can't help this awful energy_

 _God damn right, you should be scared of me_

 _Who is in control?_

 _~Halsey, Control_

* * *

 **When I discovered not even a shovel could dig me out of this hole.**

Bella spent the night thrashing in her sleep and screaming at unseen demons. I held her close and caught a few blows to my chin, but I couldn't quell her nightmares. I doubted I would have slept anyway, with my conscience weighing on me, but trying to calm her made my night miserable.

When we woke in the morning after a few stingy hours of sleep, Bella stared at me from puffy eyes. We were facing each other on our respective pillows, and if I'd been foolish enough to expect a warm good morning, I would have been disappointed.

Good thing I knew better.

"I have to make plans for Jimmy."

"I know."

"Are you going to be a problem?"

I lifted an eyebrow. "If I was going to be a problem, I would have called it in last night. Are you doing this alone?"

She squeezed her eyes closed, rubbing her temples and rolling onto her back. "Garrett has a thing with Emmett he couldn't get out of. Felix is on Carlisle today."

"So you have no back up. What if plan A fails?"

She sighed, staring at the ceiling. "Then I'll make a plan B before I go."

"I could just go with you."

She turned her head to look at me, then sat up so she was looking down on me. _Fitting._ "And make you an accessory to murder?"

I sat up. "I have a newsflash for you, I'm already an accessory just by sitting here talking to you about it and doing nothing to stop you."

She looked over my shoulder for a minute. "Fine, but you stay in the fucking car. I don't need you riding in on your white horse and fucking things up."

I laughed. "Of course, princess. But you need some way of contacting me if things go south."

"Then I'll dig out my old walkie-talkies, since I'm fresh out of super spy communicators."

"Here I thought you had a toy for every occasion."

Her face took on a devious look. "I haven't even shown you my toys yet."

 _Fuck me_.

She was up and in the bathroom with the door firmly closed before I could process her words thoroughly and tell my dick to stand down.

I retreated to my own bathroom and took a scalding hot shower. Thanks to the previous night, I wasn't exactly chomping at the bit for a selfie, but it was always tempting around Bella. Instead, I opted to move quickly and start making coffee, because I sensed I would need pots of it to get through the day.

By the time I had coffee and breakfast made, Bella came into the kitchen with those stupid thigh high socks and a long shirt. I constantly felt like she was punishing me. Saying nothing, I poured her a cup of coffee and handed her a plate of eggs. She sat at the breakfast bar and I caught her looking around.

"I cleaned it up. What was it?"

"A vase. It was empty, on that table behind the couch." She gestured behind her.

"Just so I know what I'll have to reimburse the lease company."

"Don't get your panties in a twist. I'll pay for it."

Of course she would. I watched her eat her eggs and fool around on her cell phone. She had it on silent, but I was standing across the bar from her and could see her texting somebody.

"Looks like Jimmy dearest has a shipment he's in charge of tonight. Sounds like the most appropriate time and place to take him out, doesn't it?"

"Which warehouse and what type of shipment?" I waited while she texted again, eating in the meantime.

"Bleak Street Warehouse, ten p.m., and it's a weapons shipment. Shit."

"You'll have to move carefully and make sure he doesn't gain access to any of that."

She picked up her mug and glared at me over the top. "No kidding. He'll have more than the upper hand if he gets ahold of a fucking rocket launcher while I've only got my Glock."

"Please tell me nobody is actually dealing in rocket launchers?"

She merely drank her coffee with one eyebrow curved up. _Son of a bitch._

"Eat up, we have to drive over to my place so I can access my cache, and then I'll solidify the plans with you."

I concentrated on eating instead of letting my brain go into overdrive on how to covertly report that the Cullen Family was deeper into the arms business than we originally thought. When Bella finished, she went into her room and came back moments later with a skirt and shoes on, carrying a purse.

"I don't think I've ever seen you with a purse before."

She looked down at her outfit and back up at me. "I try to fit in at this building and not look like your stripper whore girlfriend."

"Well it's not going to work with that potty mouth. And, seriously, those socks and those shoes? You're missing your mark, doe eyes."

Her doe eyes narrowed and I wondered if I'd pushed her too far. Eh, if I did, I knew where it would lead.

"These thigh highs turn you on, Tony Di Stefano, and these three inch Mary Janes are just icing on the cake. Mr. Cooper at the desk likes them."

I snorted. "Of course he does. He's picturing them locked around his head."

She laughed. "Fair point. Now, let's go."

Just because my old as fuck Cadillac was parked in a garage next to Audis and Escalades didn't mean it suddenly looked classy. Oh well, this job would be over soon and I could go back to my trusty Volvo. There was a bit of sun trying to peek through the clouds on our ride over to Bella's house. I kept checking in my mirrors to make sure nobody was tailing us. Despite Carlisle's reassurances about his sons believing all of my stories, I stood by the adage that I would rather be safe than sorry.

When I reached the turn-off I kept going, circling the next block and heading back. None of the cars behind me made the same turns, so I conceded that we were safe and pulled down her street.

"7-9-2-6," she said to remind me, and I punched the code into the gate. The garage door had closed behind me before I felt remotely relaxed.

She was all business as she exited the car and went to a door I'd never noticed before off the mud room. She used a keypad to unlock this door, and inside was a glass fronted cabinet full of various weapons.

I whistled, my eyebrows going up at the shotguns, semi-auto rifles, and multiple handguns. I could see the TAVOR Israeli assault rifles, Armatix iP1 handguns that came with a wristwatch that prevented anyone other than the authorized user from firing the gun, FN tactical Carbine rifles, and a shitload of Desert Eagles and Glocks. Most of these weapons were not even on the market yet. "You've been holding out on me."

"In more ways than one," she muttered as she opened the cabinet.

She started handing me weapons, and the long guns I propped against the wall beside me. The two Glocks I tucked into my waistband while she went through boxes of ammo. She pulled out a drawer in the bottom portion of the cabinet, and I saw that it held a few rifle bags. She handed one to me and took one for herself, slipping the strap over her neck and one shoulder before filling it. Ammo, extra clips, one walkie talkie, the other handed to me. I filled my bag with everything she handed me, hoping to God we wouldn't need it. It truly looked like we were going to war.

"Done," she said as she zipped her bag and closed the cabinet doors.

I followed her to the kitchen, where she set her bag on the table and then went to the island. She pulled a legal pad close to her and started drawing.

"This is the dock where he'll meet the boat. This is the warehouse where he has them unload and show him the goods. I want to wait until he thinks he's done and everyone else has cleared out. Then it should be a simple through and through."

"He has no guards, no friends coming along? No foot soldiers?" I frowned as I looked at her square for the warehouse. "Where's the parking lot?"

She drew in a rectangle. "Here. He'll most likely park along the building, near this door." She added an X.

"So he _is_ going to be alone?" I verified. She didn't answer. "Bella, what the hell?"

"Okay, so this is where I might need a plan B. I have no idea if he'll be alone or not."

Letting my head hang, I ran my hands through my hair. "When I took the shipment for Emmett, there were five other guys there. I guaran-damn-tee they were all armed to the teeth, not including the guy blatantly carrying an AK."

"I'm hoping to hide in the shadows, maybe even the roof."

I watched her mark a spot on the square. "And then what? If you take him out, all hell will break loose and the rest of the men will look for the shooter. You need another plan."

"I could do it when he first arrives."

"Only if you know he'll be alone."

Bella made an irritated sound in her throat. "Or I could sit on my ass and wait for him to come back to the club, get close to him, and slit his throat like I did Riley. The problem is, it would be in plain sight."

I sighed, spinning the paper around. "What if we wait until they're all at the dock? You have a scope, get him long distance using the car as your stand. Then we'll take off before they can get across the parking lot."

Bella looked up at me. "That could work." Her eyes narrowed. "You have experience in this sort of thing."

"Which is why you should have asked me in the first place."

She dropped her gaze. "I don't do well relying on other people."

"So I've noticed."

That night, under the cover of darkness and a street light that I'd shot out earlier when we scoped the area, we watched for the men to accept the shipment at the docks. Bella laid her .50 caliber Barrett rifle across the hood of the Caddy and adjusted her sights. I was happier that I was with her, ignored the thought that I shouldn't be there, and focused on the wind.

"It's heading South-West, so don't forget to adjust left."

"Got it," she answered after a second, straightening up and adjusting the black beanie she wore.

"Should only be a few more minutes now," I commented, mostly because anxiety had me on edge.

"Stop talking, Jesus."

I shut up, burrowing my hands in my pockets. It never quite felt like summer once the sun went down, but the temperature was hovering in the low seventies. A car rumbled above us on the overpass we were situated under, and Bella stiffened.

"Come on, come on," she muttered, checking the scope again for movement across the expanse of concrete.

The faint sound of a boat's motor could be heard, and men came out of the warehouse. I squatted behind the car, using binoculars to check for who was who. I recognized a few of the men, including the one they called Greasy Thumb.

"Bingo," she sang softly, adjusting her weapon.

I watched as they greeted the boat driver, watched as they were crowded around each other and then parted. I heard Bella's quietly expelled breath and then the sound of the rifle. Jimmy's head exploded like a watermelon dropped from a fifth story window.

Neither of us stood around and waited for the fallout. Bella grabbed the gun and slung it into the backseat, crawling into the front passenger seat as I gunned the engine. Gravel spit from under the tires as I accelerated, and I was unsurprised to hear the tell-tale ping of bullets as the men shot at us. Luckily, we'd thought of things like distance and speed, and their weapons were ineffectual at doing too much damage to my old car.

"We're gonna have to get that fixed!" she shouted above the sound of the engine.

She had a point. If anyone saw the holes, they'd question the source. "Overnight?" I responded. I eased off the pedal as I reached the interstate, merging with traffic at a more reasonable speed.

"You'd be surprised what I can pull off."

"Not anymore." No, I'd seen what she was capable of time and again, and it no longer amazed me.

"You can use the hatchback tomorrow, as long as you drop me off and pick me up. I have a shift from four to midnight."

"That could work."

Nobody would care if I drove Bella's car. Everyone knew by now we lived together. I was a little worried about going to the club tomorrow and hearing what everyone had to say about Jimmy's death.

"It'll be fine, stop worrying."

I glanced at her. "How did you know I was worrying?"

"Because I know you by now. All your idiosyncrasies, all your tics, and definitely your tells."

Fuck, I hoped my tells weren't obvious.

" _Don't worry_ , they're not that obvious."

"Can you read my mind, too?"

She laughed. "No, but it would be a nice skill."

"It damn sure would."

Bella gave me a stink eye. "There's a reason I don't tell you everything."

"Yeah, to save your ass."

"And yours, too, pretty boy."

We pulled into her garage and switched over to the hatchback. She was planning on laying low for a few days, maybe a week, before making any moves on the brothers. We headed for the apartment, mindful of anybody who might be following us. I still didn't see anybody, and I looped a few neighborhoods to be sure.

I was high on adrenaline when we got back to the apartment and I ended up pacing my bedroom. Bella had gone to bed to sleep like the proverbial baby after killing a guy. My brain went around and around about how to cover for what went down. Nobody was going to question me, but it was going to be talked about at the club. Basically, I had to perfect my shocked face. The only good thing was that it sounded like Jimmy had been treading thin ice, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that he finally went down.

I decided to shower to try to wind down, which only made a marginal difference. Stepping in front of the dresser as I ran a towel over my hair, I saw the reflection of someone standing behind me. I dropped the towel I was holding and stared into the mirror.

"I couldn't sleep," she said.

For a split second, I thought I'd let my guard down far enough to be stupid and allow someone inside my home. My hands went to my hair, pulling hard as I thought about what I'd let slide and what I needed to do to regain control of my investigation.

"Edward."

Her voice was quiet, and I shook off guilt-ridden thoughts to focus on Bella. She was a few feet behind me, illuminated by the moonlight coming through the windows. And she was stark naked.

"What are we doing, Bella?"

"What do you mean?"

I braced my hands on the dresser, contemplating turning around and demanding answers versus turning around and sating my lust.

"This, between us. Where you do illegal things and I let you. Where you fuck me when you're bored but won't let me inside your mind."

Her reflection moved, came closer to my own. "I told you why I can't let you in—"

"Bullshit! What have you saved me from? I'm in this deeper and deeper, and for what? So I can have the cell next to yours?"

"If I told you all the depraved things this Family has done, that the _Cullens_ have done, you'd be on the phone to your boss without blinking. Not only would the boys get away, but you'd be in so much shit for what I've asked of you!"

"So _now_ you want to pretend that you care that I've broken the law for you. I've taken my sworn duty and shit on it! You don't care about anybody but yourself, princess. Stop pretending that you do."

Soft hands touched my back, and I tried to hold back my feelings. They had no place here, and they were what got me in this god-forsaken mess to begin with. All the years I'd spent perfecting my game, all the jobs I'd been on, and I'd thrown away my integrity for a skirt.

"I don't want to fight with you. I don't want you to go to jail for helping me. I _will_ protect you, because I dragged you into this mess. Please, don't be angry with me."

I _was_ angry with her, but I was more angry at myself. Tears and a sob story was all it had taken. That and those fucking huge brown eyes. Her hands moved over my back and down to slip off the towel around my waist and rest on my ass, which clenched involuntarily. One hand slipped around to rest on my abdomen while the other came around to stroke my cock, which I had to admit was mostly hard from the second I recognized it was her standing there.

"Don't be angry," she whispered as she kissed my back.

I was still braced on the dresser, my fingers curling around the edge. I knew what she was doing; manipulating me. "Why did you come in here?" My breathing had changed, coming in pants as she stroked up and down my length.

"To ask if I could sleep in your bed with you." She continued to kiss over my back, while she gripped my hip and pumped my cock.

"Liar."

"Honestly." The hand on my hip moved to cup my balls. "I couldn't sleep. Despite what you may think, I don't relish having taken a man's life. It isn't my goal to be a heartless bitch."

"You _do_ relish having taken Jimmy's life. And you'll dance on the graves of the Cullen men." I sucked in a breath. "And if you don't stop what you're doing, I'm going to come all over your hand and the carpet."

Her hand slowed but she didn't stop touching me. She moved around me, kissing my shoulder and slipping under my arm to stand in front of me. Her lips found the scar from my recent bullet wound and she ran her tongue over the raised flesh. My head was lowered and she raised up on her toes to find my mouth with hers. It was a quick kiss.

"Don't hate me."

How could I hate her when I loved her so much? How could I turn her away when I needed her desperately?

She turned in the cage of my arms and rubbed her ass over my leaking cock. She had to have already known I would never turn her down. I couldn't turn away from her, no matter how angry I became. She took my hands in hers and placed them on her breasts, rubbing over them with me.

My dick twitched against her ass and I gave up. "You know what you do to me. It's hardly fair."

It took minimal shifting to have my cock slipping between her ass cheeks. She leaned over the dresser and moaned loudly as I pinched her nipples and thrust against her a few more times.

"Now you're just teasing me," she accused.

"Turnabout is fair play and all that, doe eyes. You just spent twenty minutes teasing me."

She was right, though, and I was done playing around. I shifted my hips until I felt the wetness of her pussy and pushed inside her. Her breath came out in a huff and then she gasped. I wanted to see her face in the mirror, to watch the swinging of her tits as they bounced, but it was too dark. I would have to use my imagination. I wasn't in a hurry, no brutal pounding like I would usually give her. I set up a slow rhythm of pulling out all the way and then slipping back in. Bella was incredibly wet and kept arching her back as I moved. I alternated pinching her nipples and rubbing her clit just so I could hear the sounds that escaped her.

"Oh, fuck, Edward, I'm coming, oh, fuck… " Her words trailed off as a long wail erupted and all of her muscles locked down.

I sped up to find my release, pulling her onto my cock so that we slammed together roughly. The tightening in my balls and the explosion hit me without warning, and I gripped her hips tightly as I bent over her to catch my breath.

"That was much better than sleeping, wasn't it?" she said as she rested her face on the top of the dresser and looked at me over her shoulder.

It was pretty obvious by then that not even a shovel could have dug me out of this hole.

* * *

 **Sorry for forcing you to read two lemons in two chapters... yeah, no I'm not.**

 **I know some of you bloodthirsty ladies were hoping Bella would torture Jimmy, but she's more calculated than that.**


	14. Chapter 14

**This chapter had one of my pre-readers wanting to "jump into Façade and rip that fucker's dick off". No sugar coating, this one's going to sting.**

* * *

 _You probably thought that I'd never escape_

 _I'd be a rat in a cage, I'd be a slave to this place_

 _You don't know how hard I fought to survive,_

 _Waking up alone when I was left to die_

 _You don't know about this life I've lived_

 _Take a look in the mirror, see the truth in your face_

 _~In This Moment, Whore_

* * *

 **When I thought Bella was going to kill Emmett in front of witnesses.**

I was finished with my collections for the day, so before I picked up Bella, I called Jake. I knew there were some things I had to report, as there were now three dead bodies on my watch.

"Masen? What the fuck, it's about time." His deep voice was agitated, and I couldn't blame him.

"I know, but I've been in deep." I sped up after turning a corner, checking my mirrors out of habit. This thing couldn't accelerate for shit.

I heard a sigh over the phone. "Fuck's sake, man, you had me worried."

"It doesn't look like it's going to get any less hairy any time soon. Tensions are high around here. I'm ditching this phone after we hang up."

"All right, what made you finally call in during business hours?"

 _Guilt._ "There have been three murders in the past week."

There were several cuss words and a muffled sound as I assumed Black accessed the Cullen file on his computer. "Go."

I glanced in my rearview before changing lanes. "The first is the one I texted you about without much information because I was being watched; on the twenty-second, Jasper Cullen killed a man known as Petey Cap in the club right in front of me, as well as other club patrons."

"Motherfucking son of a bitch!" I gave him a minute to calm down and type it in.

"On the twenty-fifth, it appears that a rival Family member was killed in his office. A Riley Biers. I have no concrete proof of this information, just rumor and speculation." _Liar, liar, pants on fire_. "Last night, a Jimmy 'Greasy Thumb', last name unknown at this time, was shot at the Bleak Street docks. I hear he was doing an arms deal at the time, including shit we didn't know they had access to, i.e. rocket launchers."

"Jesus _fucking_ A. Christ, Masen. Are you safe? Is your cover intact? How did you deal with the man being shot right in front of you?" Rapid fire questions was his style, but he had to be unnerved as well.

"I did nothing." And that still ate at me.

"Good, good. Now, I could bring in Jasper Cullen, but I'd rather sit on that until we have something on the other two. Have you heard anything?"

"I have unreliable intelligence that Jimmy the former was in charge of the hit on Charles Swan."

I heard him breathe heavily through his nose for several seconds. "Stay put and don't get yourself killed, okay? I want a check in every twenty-four, and I don't care how you go about it."

I knew ahead of time this was likely all he would say. "I'll text my code from the next burner phone I pick up."

"Acceptable. _For now_."

"Understood."

He hung up on me, still cursing under his breath. I would have some things to answer to when this was all over, no doubt.

I swung by the apartment and waited for Bella to come down. I texted her that I was there, and she assured me she'd be out in a minute. She was typically punctual.

The passenger door opened and she slid in, a cloud of perfume following her. I glanced over and then did a double take.

"What in the fuck are you wearing? Did you just traipse through the lobby in that getup?"

She looked at her lap, then grinned up at me. "What, this old thing?"

 _This old thing_ was thigh high leather boots and a leather bustier. If there were panties, and there must have been, they were so tiny I couldn't see them. She had on her trusty trench coat, but it was unbuttoned and wide open.

I was salivating.

"Fuck, Bella, close your coat."

"Pick your jaw up off the floor." She buttoned it up and fastened her seatbelt as we cruised down the street that ran along our complex.

Façade was packed for some reason. I wondered if everyone needed to hear the gossip surrounding Greasy Thumb. I was positive no one had any real clue what went down; sure as shit none of them thought of Bella as the killer. I parked out on the street and followed Bella to the door.

Felix was standing there looking stoic. He finally acknowledged us as we drew closer. "It's a code orange, Miss Swan. Rough night ahead."

She sighed. "That's what I was afraid of. Thank you."

I waited until we were inside before I spoke in her ear. "What's code orange?"

She stopped and simply looked around the club. We both saw the wall to wall bodies. Drunk men were leaning against pillars with their dicks out, or they were too close to the stage, or they were following around waitresses and putting their hands where they didn't belong. "Yeah, never mind. I get it."

We went to the back room so Bella could put her things down. I pinched the bridge of my nose, hating this. "Look, if anyone gets too touchy feely, I'll step in."

She spun to stand toe to toe with me. "No, you won't. You're already on thin ice for living with me. Don't give them any excuse to decide they don't like you as much as they thought they did. Customers pay more to touch. The house gets a bigger payday. You may be Emmett's buddy, but he won't excuse you affecting his bottom line."

She had a point, but I hated it regardless. "Ugh. Fine, I'll be at the bar."

We left the back room, and she went toward the stage while I went to order a drink. She had to check in with the DJ before going to the little backstage area the girls shared. She was supposed to work the room, and I wondered if she would with it this busy.

Time passed and nothing exciting happened, if I overlooked all the public jacking off. There was something in the air tonight, and I didn't like it. Bella went up three times but avoided the main floor. It was on her fourth dance that shit went south. _Way_ , way south.

She hadn't been taking off any clothing tonight. The bustier and thong were sexy as all fuck with the tall boots encasing her thighs. Men were foaming at the mouth when she swung around that pole. Money was thrown from all directions, which she picked up after her song and before disappearing.

When Emmett stepped up onto the stage in the middle of Bella's upside down humping of the pole, several people booed and hollered. I got to my feet but stayed by the bar.

"It looks like the little baby Bella here doesn't want to take to the floor tonight," he said in a voice loud enough that he was his own megaphone.

Men jeered and booed again. Of course they wanted their hands on a hot girl like her. My hands clenched into fists at the thought of him forcing her out there to be manhandled.

"Such a whore you are, spreadin' your legs for any guy that comes along." He looked out at the crowd. "She's already turned down me and my brother! Maybe one of you could get a taste." He circled around behind her, and that was the first glimpse I got of her face. She was pissed beyond belief, her jaw locked tight and her fingers curled into her palms. Emmett stood behind her and jerked her head to the side by her hair. I heard a gasp and looked to my right. A cocktail waitress was staring slack-jawed at the stage. I turned my attention back to Bella and Emmett and I could have heard a pin drop at that point. He put his fucking disgusting hands on her breasts and yanked them out of her top. The crowd of men cheered and yelled.

"These titties belong to me," Emmett said, squeezing them hard and turning them red. "I pay for them to come to work with you, and I expect for you to work them into every routine."

I thought Bella would bite right through her bottom lip in her anger.

"And this?" One hand went lower, cupping her over her panties, and the other hand stayed at her neck to hold her against him. "This hasn't come out to play in a long time. None of my paying customers have seen this cunt in months." He pulled on her clothing until it ripped; the underwear was the first to tear and it hung unevenly off her leg. The bustier wasn't as easy, being leather, but he ruined the hooks that held it together until it rested awkwardly at her waist.

I saw the tears in her eyes, saw how she ruthlessly bit them back. My chest ached at the treatment of her, and I couldn't decide if I was going to walk up to Emmett and put a bullet between his eyes, or if I would hand my piece to Bella and let her do it.

When her hair was a tangled mess and her red lipstick was smeared across her chin, he pushed her until she stumbled off the stage and into the floor. A few men helped her up, and I watched as she lifted her head and glared at Emmett on the stage. She made zero attempt to cover the naked parts of her body.

"Get out there and earn your money, ya filthy fuckin' whore."

Emmett walked off the stage and everything was silent. Even the drunk assholes weren't sure what they were supposed to do now. I moved forward, determined to do something, but Bella looked my way right then, like she sensed my presence. She shook her head, and I felt that ache in my chest deepen. One of the waitresses approached her with something that looked like a large napkin to cover her top half and led her to the back.

Several tense minutes passed before the music came back on. The men were talking quietly between themselves, and nobody looked comfortable anymore. Some men left, some sat at booths and ordered more drinks, but the atmosphere had changed. Emmett didn't realize it yet, but he'd lessened his intake after that stunt.

I sat. I stared at my drink. A muscle in my jaw twitched. My hands fisted on my lap.

"You wanna punch me, doncha?"

My shoulders hunched and I growled.

He guffawed. "She ain't been pullin' her weight since she moved in with you. Guess she thinks she's better than the other strippers now."

I didn't think I could so much as look at him without killing him.

"Course, if she's gettin' a regular pounding, she ain't lookin' to score here like she used to."

 _He's baiting you, don't fall for it_ , my conscience screamed at me. I threw back the drink I'd been nursing and stood, heading to the door without ever once looking in Emmett Cullen's direction.

I knew with a certainty that Bella would kill him next.

When I stepped out the door I threw open, I gulped in the clean air. Felix looked over at me with one eyebrow cocked.

"Go get her, Felix. Lock this motherfucker down if you have to, but she needs to come home."

He didn't answer, but the door opened and closed and I was alone.

I leaned forward, focusing on my shoes and not going back inside and killing Emmett Cullen. I breathed deeply through my nose and out of my mouth, waiting. The door opened again and two drunk men walked past me. I straightened and stared at the door, willing it to open and be Bella and Felix.

A few more minutes passed before I finally got my wish.

"Bella."

She stood very still, her coat buttoned up to her throat and wearing someone else's heels. Her hair was in a disheveled ponytail and her face was scrubbed bare. Felix leaned into her ear and spoke too quiet for me to hear.

She nodded and touched his hand.

Then she walked toward the hatchback like she owned this fucking town, and I guess in a way she did. But that didn't mean she was unaffected by the way that neanderthal had treated her. I caught up in time to open her door for her, then put my hand up to stop her from getting in. She glared at me, fuming.

"Please let me in, just this once."

Bella didn't answer me, but I saw the tears hovering on her lower lashes. She swallowed heavily and touched my cheek briefly before sitting in the car. I rounded the hood and got in, and we didn't speak on the way home. I followed her silently to the elevator and got in with her. She pushed the button for our floor, and I didn't know how she was holding it in when I wanted to punch the walls and scream at the top of my lungs.

Once I let us inside our home, I locked the door and leaned heavily against it. I watched Bella as she walked to the short cabinet by the balcony doors that she kept stocked with liquor. She kicked off the shoes and grabbed the closest bottle—whiskey—and pulled the top off. The entire thing was tipped back and she drank heavily. Her throat was marked with dark bruises, and I saw red. It swam in front of my vision until I blinked and found her staring at me with sad eyes.

She walked into my bedroom and I helplessly followed her. When I reached her, I stopped short. She was peeling off the coat, and what I saw underneath turned my stomach. Marks, dark and mostly finger shaped, marred her creamy skin. A few scratches here and there, and dark splotches on her breasts. I took a step forward but froze when she started to speak.

"What made you send Felix?"

I took two deep breaths before answering. The look in her eyes was frightening. "Emmett came up to me at the bar. He was trying to get under my skin, taunting me and saying things about you. I got up and left to avoid killing him."

"And you thought I needed saving, so you sent Felix?" Her nose was wrinkled, but she wasn't mad or accusatory.

"Yes, basically. You told me not to intervene, but I couldn't take it anymore."

"I knew that Emmett would hurt you if you defended me. He knows how to hurt people in countless ways, and it doesn't have to be with weapons." She moved closer to me. I could only focus on the bruises. My chest twisted.

"I noticed. You have no idea how badly I wanted to rush the stage and rip you away from him."

"I'm glad you didn't. It was smart to send in Felix, though. He has nothing to lose, and Emmett knows that."

"I just wanted you to be able to leave after that humiliation."

"Emmett almost raped me."

" _What_?" She might as well have kicked me in the balls.

"He was agitated and fucking pissed because I didn't work the floor like he wanted, instead going to the back to fix myself up. Bree was trying to find me something to wear when Emmett came storming back there. He had me pinned down on the floor and his pants open when Felix came in."

I closed my eyes and breathed through my nose, but it was useless. Spinning, I stalked around the bedroom in a violent pacing, but I couldn't calm down. I threw everything I could get my hands on—the alarm clock, the portable phone, the lamp. It crashed into the wall by the closet and shattered like my heart. When I stopped, my chest heaving, I turned back to see Bella on the floor by the bathroom door, crouched with her hands over her ears and tears streaming down her face.

Everything drained out of my body at that moment. I went into the bathroom and turned on the tub faucets. There was some crap there that I didn't use, but Bella did, so I dumped it in the water. I went back to her and squatted in front of her.

"Baby, look at me."

She looked up. She was a wreck and I needed to fix it.

"Come on, let's take a bath."

I stood and held out my hand. She put hers in mine, suddenly seeming so much smaller and less of the badass I knew her to be. There was no fucking way in hell I was letting goddamn Emmett Cullen break Bella's spirit. She followed me into the humid bathroom and I turned off the water. I stripped as fast as I could before she lost her nerve, and pulled her over the edge and into the water with me. I would be lying if I said I didn't want her to scrub her skin free of that bastard's touch, but for the moment I would keep my mouth shut and my hands to myself.

Bella leaned back against my chest as we sat. I let the warmth and her touch relax me and hoped the same was true for her. She sighed, resting her hands over her stomach, and when I looked down she'd closed her eyes.

"Thank you. For everything." Her voice was barely loud enough for me to hear. She actually owed Felix her gratitude and not me.

"You're welcome, Bella."

She kept proving how strong she was, but she was also starting to show her vulnerability. I knew she would shove it down deep, hide it away, when dawn broke. She would move forward with her plans to kill the brothers, and Emmett was definitely going first.

Frankly, I was surprised that Bella hadn't found a way to kill him at the club.

* * *

 **I encourage you all to take a look at the lyric video posted on the blog. This song really makes this chapter. If you're not into screaming female rockers, make sure your volume is down.**

 **MeteorOnAMoonlessNight. Blogspot. com (remove spaces)**


	15. Chapter 15

**I wonder how many readers truly understand Bella.**

* * *

 _Usually, I hold the power with both my hands tied behind my back_

 _You've awoken me, but you're choking me_

 _Gave you all of me, and now honestly, I got nothing left_

 _You are the fire, I'm gasoline_

 _Knew we would crash at the speed that we were going_

 _Didn't care if the explosion ruined me_

 _~Charlie Puth, Dangerously_

* * *

 **When it all went to shit.**

Bella was different in the morning. Gone was the vulnerable girl that had been abused the night before, treated like trash by a man that had no morals, no scruples. In her place was bitchy Bella, the one that masked her pain behind sarcasm and harsh words. If she was hurting, we were all hurting.

We fought when I asked what she wanted for breakfast, over what was on the television, and whose car I was using. She was pissed when I came back from collections, like I was supposed to hang out somewhere else when I was done 'working'. Then she yelled at me when I made something for dinner without asking what she wanted, despite the yelling she'd done over breakfast. She was giving me whiplash.

She had plans she wasn't sharing with me, I could tell. "Bella, I know you're up to something. You've been on your phone all day long, and you're late for work."

"I quit last night. Rather, Felix quit for me. He told Emmett I wouldn't be back and that if he had a problem with that he could take it up with Carlisle." She didn't even look up at me from her phone.

"Instagram that enjoyable today?"

"Fuck off. I'm not on social media. That's one good way of getting caught."

"So no pictures of unicorns and sparkly drinks as your profile picture to hide the leather pants and weapons cache?"

She threw a pillow at me. I smirked and went back to ignoring her. There was a game on TV that I wasn't really paying attention to, but the clock on the wall had my attention. Bella was past time for her shift, and despite what she thought about quitting, Emmett didn't take kindly to that shit. He made all the rules as far as he was concerned.

Suddenly Bella sat upright from her slouched position on the couch. "Yes," she said under her breath.

"Pinning s'mores recipes?"

Ignoring me, she got up and went into her room and slammed the door behind her. Her eyes never left her screen.

I stood and paced, not liking the feeling I was getting from her. Something wasn't right, but I didn't know what. There had been chatter on the street today while I was making the rounds, and Jasper claimed he was coming with me tomorrow to speak to some trouble makers. I didn't know what that meant, but I didn't like it. Something was off, but all I could do about it was wait and see.

I'd picked up two new junk phones this morning, one to use to send a message to my boss and then chuck in the trash, and a new one to carry around. I didn't like feeling like my shit could be bugged. I sent Jake a text early this morning regarding Bella and Emmett, and the response was the same as always. Sit tight, don't reveal your cover.

My fist found its way into my opposite palm. I wanted to punch the wall, or better yet, Emmett's fat face, but I couldn't. I had to cool it around him and not let him see how affected I was by him. Similar to Bella, I couldn't afford to let him see me slip up. I couldn't let my guard down or change my demeanor.

Bella came out of her room fully dressed in head to toe black.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I demanded.

"None of your concern," she answered, pulling on a beanie and heading to the door.

"You don't make a very convincing cat burglar."

"Shut the fuck up, Masen. I'm going out. Don't wait up."

"Yeah, I figured as much. Don't get yourself killed." I watched her pause at the door, like she was thinking over something.

"I have back up this time," was all she said before she left.

Pacing was getting me nowhere. I wasn't sure how to find out what she was up to, short of tailing her. I was pretty positive whoever her back up was would spot me a mile away. I was not going to participate in another murder, so that was out. I could report her ass to Jake, but I had nothing to go on, not even a location. I thought she originally planned to lay low on the brothers until the shitstorm surrounding Jimmy died down, and so far that was all I was hearing about on the streets.

When pacing got me nowhere, I called Black. He didn't answer, but I left him another message. This was crap, this waiting and not making any moves. I needed to do something, to help take those piece of shit brothers out of this world. They didn't deserve to breathe the same air as the rest of civilization. Incarceration would be too good for them, waiting for appeal after appeal until their undoubtedly smarmy lawyer got them off on a technicality.

My pacing and brooding was burning a hole in the carpet and in my brain. I needed an outlet, and I needed one fast. I changed into workout clothes and went to the gym in the basement. I abused the hell out of the punching bag and ran on the treadmill until my legs burned and my lungs heaved. All I could picture was Bella shot dead in a dank warehouse. When I couldn't keep going without injuring myself, I went back upstairs and showered off the sweat, wishing my stress would go down the drain with it.

I had just finished dressing when there was a pounding on the door. Bella wouldn't cause that much ruckus, and she had a key. I was in cut off sweatpants, so I tucked my weapon in my pocket and went to see who was trying to break down the door.

I sighed heavily when I checked the doorscope. _Emmett._

"Why are you beating on my door?" I demanded as I opened it.

He pushed past me, which was basically what I was expecting. "Where the fuck is that twat? She didn't show up to work."

I breathed out loudly through my nose as I turned to face him standing in my living room. "Really? She left here on time."

" _Sure_. There's no way you'd be covering for her."

I swept my arm out game-show-hostess style. "That's her bedroom. Don't forget to look between the mattresses. You never know where she could be hiding."

My sarcasm seemed lost on him as he stormed into her room. There was a bit of banging around before he reappeared. "What is your deal with her? You two fuck buddies?"

I snorted. "Nah, man. She's a cold fish. She's bitchy and not the best roommate, but I felt bad for her sob story so now I'm stuck with her."

Emmett looked around the main area without responding to my statement. He paced a bit before coming to a stop in front of me. "I got respect for you, Di Stefano, but that cunt is costing me money. She's the most popular dancer I have, and ever since you showed up, she's not willing to get naked or give lap dances. She doesn't work her shit like she should and I gotta hear complaints. I don't like it."

I stared in silence. I was waiting for a relevant point.

"So if you're bumpin' uglies and that's why she thinks she's special now, that shit has to stop. Used to be the right price would convince her to spread her legs for certain customers, now she turns them all down."

My pulse beat heavy and thick in my veins. I doubted she'd ever been a willing participant in the scenario he painted. "I dunno, she doesn't share her secrets with me. She brings random strangers home, but not all the time."

He watched me watching him, and I didn't think he believed me. "See, you have certain favor with my pops, and I admit being impressed when you took out Biers. But my bottom line means more to me than anything else, and you're fucking with that."

I didn't know if I should remain stoic or tell him he was full of shit. He made an ass-ton of money off that club and the drug deals he made. Bella's intake couldn't be enough to make a difference. "You're wrong."

"I don't think I am."

"I don't care what you think. It's time for you to leave."

Emmett was toe to toe with me before I could blink. It rankled that I had to tilt my head back to look him in the eye, even if it was only a little. "You make sure that my whore is at work tomorrow night, you feel me?"

I knew it was a bad idea even as it was happening, but I was beyond reason as I heard him call her that vile name again. My Glock was in his face and my finger on the trigger before either of us had taken a breath. "I suggest you get the fuck outta my house now."

He seethed, his barrel chest heaving as his eyes showed recognition of his loss. He wouldn't win this fight, not tonight. "You're gonna regret that," he warned me as he backed to the door.

 _I already do._ I stood silently as he felt for the doorknob and slowly slipped through the opening he created. My arm never so much as trembled. I turned the bolt when the door was closed and then banged my forehead repeatedly on the solid wood.

It was another hour before I heard the lock turn again. By then I was in a full on brood, sitting in the armchair with my gun in my lap and the bottle dangling from my hand. I'd drained most of a bottle of tequila. It tasted like shit but it did the job.

She looked the same, was all I could think as Bella appeared in front of me. No blood, no broken bones. Anger quickly replaced my worry. "Where the fuck have you been?"

She lifted an eyebrow and cocked out a hip. "And why the hell would that be any of your business?"

"I'm trying to keep the both of us from getting killed, goddammit! It's entirely my business where you go at night dressed up like you plan to break and enter at the least and murder somebody at the most!"

I saw by her expression that she wasn't going to make this easy for me. "You have some fucking nerve, Jesus! I've been doing this shit since before you came along, and I'll be doing it long after you ride your white horse into the sunset. Well guess what? Fuck you and the horse you rode in on."

I had to squash the urge to strangle her. Her cheeks were bright red, her eyes huge in her face. She was indignant and on the defensive, but I didn't care. "You have to play it smart. You can't fly off the handle because someone pissed you off." A drunken laugh escaped me at that. _Like I had room to talk_. "You can't act like nothing is my business when I've done everything backwards, bent _myself_ over backwards, to help you. I've broken the fucking law for you, so don't stand there and say it's not my goddamn business. It's all my fucking business!" All the fear and frustration came pouring out of me, and I didn't let her get in a word. "Where do you think this is going after I turn in my case, Bella? Do you think I'm going to turn a blind eye to what you're doing? Do you think the bureau will? You're fucking delusional if that's really what you think will happen." Placing my gun on the side table, I stood up and towered over her, not giving her an inch to move. The tequila was still in my hand, and I took a long swallow.

She shoved me away, clearly pissed. "I'll tell you who's delusional, Edward Masen. It's you." She stalked past me to the kitchen, yanking open the refrigerator door and pulling out a bottle of water.

"Please, enlighten me as to how that's possible."

Spinning to face me, she glared her hatred in my direction. "You see every damn thing as cut and dried, black and white. Let me clue you in on the multitude of grays, dickhead. You're not walking away scot-free. It's just not happening. You're facing multiple sanctions, possible firing, and maybe even a prison cell to call your own!"

"Do you think I don't know that?" I shouted, scrubbing my hand through my hair. "What was all that talk about how you were covering my ass as much as your own, princess? Who the fuck put me in the position to be in so much trouble, huh?"

"You were eager to help, knowing you could get in my pants if you did what I wanted." With that callous statement, she unscrewed the lid to her water and gulped it down. There were scratches on her throat, dirt and healing bruises marring the ivory skin of her neck. My protective side reared up. It didn't matter how pissed off I was, I still cared about her.

"What the hell happened?" I narrowed my eyes as I watched her eyes go from angry to guarded.

"Nothing. I was scouting some locations, that's all. And I wasn't alone, so keep your panties out of their perpetual twist."

"Like that somehow makes it safer." The island separated us, but there was that urge to reach over and do bodily harm for her recklessness. "Were you seen? Do you know where the boys were tonight? Can the person that went with you be trusted?"

"I get it, okay? You think I'm a useful idiot. Just because I'm young and impulsive doesn't mean I'm stupid!"

I rolled my eyes. "But you sure as hell are dramatic."

"Oh my God! No, I wasn't seen, the boys were with daddy dearest, and yes, Garrett can be trusted. Happy?" she finished sarcastically.

"Yeah, ecstatic. No, I'm not going to be happy until this job is over and I can put this nightmare behind me."

The hurt was instantaneous on her face, but I wasn't going to take it back. She'd made her feelings clear plenty of times, and I was being honest. My sanity was hanging on by a thread.

"Emmett was here tonight, threatening me and you. You have no clue of their movements, despite what you think. If he was here, where was Jasper?"

I could see it on her face the minute she realized she'd been dangerously wrong. Instead of asking me about it, she slammed her way into her bedroom, and I fisted my hands in my hair before giving up and going to my own room. I locked the door, not because I thought she couldn't pick the lock, but because the message would be clear on the off chance she tried to come in my room.

I didn't want her to try to distract me or herself from the fact that she had truly fucked up tonight, whatever it was she did. Her attempts at using sex as a distraction were over. Everything was going to shit, and I just wished the shit would hit the proverbial fan, so we could put this case to bed.

* * *

 **Wait, what? No angry sex?**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hard to believe you guys love this crazy story so much. Thank you for sticking with me. I love you all, even the guests with dubious reviews.**

* * *

 _I promise you that I'll make sure you never forget me  
Now that you want it, now that you need it  
You're trying to blame me but I'm not breaking  
You make me so bulletproof  
And now I'm too far gone_

 _~Godsmack, Bulletproof_

* * *

 **When I sort of made friends with Jasper.**

The weak Seattle sun might as well have been an LED bulb stuck right in front of my face. My sunglasses weren't cutting it as I walked down the street of my territory with Jasper in tow. He'd been rather quiet with me, but he'd grilled each of my customers like he was the fed looking to bust the criminals. Some of them had heard the rumor I'd heard yesterday; Emmett had an arms shipment coming in. That wouldn't be such a problem if it weren't for the fact that they'd just had a shipment, one that they'd planned together. Jasper was furious that his brother was setting up business without him. I smelled the deceit, kept my mouth shut, and tried to think around the pounding headache threatening to blend my brains and pour them into a hollowed out pineapple like some kinda fucked up tropical drink.

Where was I going with this?

Oh, right. Emmett was betraying Jasper. Only I was positive it was Bella and Garrett setting him up. It was fucking clever, all things considered. The only thing I couldn't figure out was whether she'd actually set up a shipment and why she was scoping out warehouses with the Garrotter. I wondered what Carlisle thought of all of this.

"I heard about last night," Jasper said as we headed toward the sandwich shop.

My brain was mush, so I hummed but didn't say anything. I wanted to be exactly sure what he was referencing before I opened my mouth.

"Not sure why Emmett is so hung up on the Swan's daughter. Granted, she needed knocking down a few pegs when her dad died. She started acting like we owed her something. _Shit_." He scoffed, like it was completely ridiculous for Bella to expect to live a decent life after her father's death.

"I dunno, man, he seems hell bent on blaming me for her bullshit. I can't control her."

He nodded vigorously. "I know, she can't be controlled by anybody, that's what makes her such a pain in the ass. Still, I make it a policy never to show up at any of my capos' doorsteps. We have people for that, if something needs doing."

I scratched my chin. "I admit I lost my cool."

Jasper opened the door when we reached the deli and headed straight to the back room, knowing nobody would stop us.

"Hey, Vinny." The portly, middle aged man was sitting at a desk with his feet propped up. He dropped them and sat up as we entered.

"Mr. Cullen, Mr. Di Stefano." Smart man that he was, he immediately pulled the brown paper bag out of his desk drawer and handed it to me.

I counted, then frowned and counted again. I sighed, hating this part. "Vinny…" I trailed off as I waved the light stack of cash, giving him the chance to come up with a pitiful excuse.

His hands went up in defense, palms pink and sweaty. "It's just a little short. I was hopin' you'd be here a tad late, honestly. I'll be able to make it up by end of day."

Some of the businesses we 'protected' couldn't afford their tributes. It made me uncomfortable to act the part, knowing some of their families were struggling to make ends meet. "So you thought I wouldn't notice? You couldn'ta called me?"

Jasper was watching, and I knew what I had to do. Vinny spluttered about why he didn't call and about a slow week as I advanced on him. Grabbing the back of his neck, I slammed his head down onto his desk. He grunted in pain and I pulled him back up. Paper was stuck to his forehead where a small gash had opened up.

"That's not the deal, _Vincenzo_. Call or get me my money, right?" He groaned and I shook him lightly. "What was that?"

"Yessir." He didn't meet my gaze.

"Good. Now, it just so happens Jasper and I haven't had lunch yet, so get your lard ass out there and make us a couple Reubens."

I stood back and crossed my arms as Vinny stumbled a little getting to his feet. He wasn't bleeding too badly, so I felt a tiny bit better about assaulting him. Jasper was watching me carefully, so I turned to him. "You do like Reubens, don't you?"

"Yeah, I like 'em fine. What're you gonna do about the missing money?"

"I'll come back at end of day. If he doesn't have it, I'll have to call Two-Face."

Jasper nodded and we made our way to the counter to sit. Vinny's staff was smart enough to wait on us hand and foot. The next time I saw the owner he had a bandaid and a good sized bruise covering his forehead.

"I promise I'll have it by six at the latest, Mr. Di Stefano." He was wringing his hands together as he stood on the other side of the counter, waiting for my word.

"You'd better, old man. You don't want me callin' someone to help you remember how much you pay."

"No, no I don't." He didn't budge, his nervousness showing in his sweaty brow and the way his eyes darted between me and Jasper as we ate.

"Pops laid inta Emmett on your behalf." Vinny backed away as it appeared Jasper and I were done with him for the time being.

I swallowed before I could choke. "Why would he do that?"

"He reminded him that you saved the life of our father, the don. He reminded dear brother that you saved him with Biers. He reminded Emmett that we had not properly thanked you for that yet, and that he had no right assuming you were at fault for his beef with the Swan girl." He wiped his mouth and looked at me. "I gotta admit, something about you bugs me, but you do your job well and you've gone above and beyond. I can't really be mad."

"That means a lot, Jasper, thanks."

My gut felt a little more settled, my headache was easing as time passed and I filled myself with caffeine and food. Jasper might be in my corner. Things might be going right for me for a change.

"So, what rumors have you heard about this shipment?"

Ah, fuck. Shoulda known. "Not much, just that there was a second one scheduled so close to the last. There's mostly been talk about Greasy Thumb takin' one between the eyeballs."

The waitress came to drop off a fresh drink as I said that. Her face registered shock, but she deserved credit for not saying anything and walking away.

"You hear any specifics, you tell me. Understood?" He rose, dropping his napkin on the counter and staring down at me.

"Understood," I replied, looking back down at my plate.

He made his way out of the deli, and I relaxed marginally. I drained my second glass and got the hell out of there, too.

Bella hadn't come out of her room that morning, so I wasn't entirely sure what would greet me when I arrived back home. The rest of my day had been uneventful, and Vinny even had the rest of his money when I circled back around. Music was blasting throughout the apartment when I opened the door.

I dropped my keys on the hall table and tried to decipher which room of the house it was emanating from. It seemed to be the living room, but we didn't have a stereo. As I walked past the couch and the coffee table, I found a small speaker next to the television. It sure was loud for its diminutive size.

Just like my roommate, who came in the room yelling as I turned off the speaker.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? I was listening to that!"

"And so were all of the neighbors on this entire floor, it was up so loud. Why is it in here and not your room?" I took a good look at her before she answered. She was sweaty and flushed, wearing tiny shorts and a tank top.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. High and Mighty, am I not allowed in the common areas of your home? Shame on me for stepping foot out of my prison."

"Feel free to return to your mansion, doe eyes."

Ignoring her, I went to the kitchen to see what I could make for dinner. The fridge was pretty bare, so I contemplated ordering something. I wasn't feeling all that magnanimous at the moment, and I didn't want to share.

I turned back around and she was inches behind me, hands on her hips. "What did Jasper have to say?"

"Yes, my day was good, thank you for asking. What did you do today?"

Bella glared at me. "Plot revenge."

Sadly, I was positive she wasn't exaggerating. "Carlisle told Emmett to back off. Jasper is suspicious about the new shipment but can't find any solid intel."

"Good." She turned and left me wondering what the hell was going on.

"Thanks for the stimulating conversation."

"Welcome," she hollered from the direction of her room.

Sighing, I went back to looking through the fridge. I gave up and pulled out a take-out menu. I wasn't going to ask her, since she seemed determined to put so much space between us. I picked what I wanted and called it in, finding a beer in the back of the fridge and vowing to keep it at one after the hangover I'd endured today. I dicked around on my burner phone, texting my code to Jake and slipping it back in its hiding space in a decorative cookie jar.

When the knock on the door came, I checked who it was out of habit. My gun was still in my waistband holster, because contrary to all evidence heretofore, I was not stupid. The young guy stood there with earbuds in, nodding his head to whatever he was listening to. I opened the door, standing back and to the side.

"Di Stefano?" He looked up and waited for my nod. "Thirteen ninety-four."

I handed over a twenty. "Keep the change."

"Thanks, bruh."

I rolled my eyes and accepted my food, glancing up and down the hallway as he left. Closing and locking the door, I made a beeline for my bedroom. It was awkward in my house now, more than in the beginning when I was aching for Bella and she was either ignoring me or taunting me. When we weren't on the same page but we weren't freezing each other out either; that was better than this. I didn't know this Bella, and I wondered not for the first time how many personalities she had. She'd promised she was covering my ass, but it didn't feel like it right now. I almost preferred the shouting to the silence; at least then I knew what she was thinking. This was bullshit, this was like waiting for one of us to break first.

I turned on my small TV and tried to get comfortable in my armchair. This felt like home, if I pushed aside the thoughts of Bella and the Cullen brothers. Eating alone in front of the tube, some take-out at the end of the work day because I was too tired to cook. I suddenly missed my family and thought about this case ending so I could see them. I would take some time off, head to my parents' place and spend some time with Victoria. She always knew how to put a smile on my face.

By the time this was done, I would be bulletproof. Throw anything at me and I could handle it. It sure as fuck couldn't be as bad as this case has been. I wasn't getting any promotions, even if I managed to take down the biggest crime family this city had seen in decades. I would be lucky if I wasn't visited behind plexiglass with nothing but a phone to tell my mother I was sorry. No, the end of this case would signal massive changes for me. On one hand, I was looking forward to it being over, and on the other I was dreading it.

Because what if I did end up in a prison cell with Carlisle and Bella as fellow inmates? Too bad Bella was planning on killing Jasper, because he seemed like less of a bastard than Emmett and he might like me enough to share a cell without killing me.

I laughed at the absurdity of my thoughts. Like I'd really made friends with someone that would slit my throat if he knew who I really was.

* * *

 **I already know what most of you will say, but that's okay. I did put my foot in it.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Can you feel it closing in?**

* * *

 _Every day is one more inch of a slow blade sinking in_

 _Vision fading, suffocating inside my own skin_

 _But just remember that I warned you, my will can never break_

 _I'm fighting a stranger in my eyes, I know that only one of us will survive_

 _If I can't save us I've got to save myself._

 _~ Skylar Grey, Slowly Freaking Out_

* * *

 **When the death toll rose higher than expected.**

Days passed and nothing happened. Bella was more and more absent, literally as well as figuratively. She was more often gone from the apartment, but when she was there she didn't speak to me unless it was to ask what I'd heard about the Cullens or the shipment. I'd heard nothing, really, which bothered me in a way. Why weren't the rumors flying like they'd been before? Was there nothing left to talk about? Surely Emmett betraying Jasper should be big news.

Jasper didn't come back to tail me on my rounds. Emmett didn't come back to my doorstep to kill me, and as far as I knew there wasn't a bounty on my head. True to her word, Bella wasn't dancing anymore. She'd told me as much when I asked but didn't elaborate on what exactly she _was_ doing. If she was home she would dress all in black and leave late at night. I found myself waiting up for her, unable to sleep until I knew she was safe. It was becoming irritating, stressful, and ridiculous.

It was the calm before the storm; I knew that without being told. Jake was frustrated at the stall in the investigation, urging me to find proof against Carlisle for something, _anything_ , so we could put this damn thing to rest. All I had was hearsay about the lawyer he'd killed. Carlisle kept his hands pretty clean for a mob boss. I thought of all Bella had told me about him and realized that either she was lying or covering for him. There was simply no way he was lily white in a world where people bought and sold evil like it was sitting on a supermarket shelf. Angry at myself for the obvious shit I'd missed, I thought back to exactly what she'd said. He was inherently good, trying to get out of the business by letting Bella take over. He was willing to let her kill his own sons but was disappointed when she killed Riley Biers. Either he was delusional, or it was all a cover for something.

I hated that I'd let her lift her skirt and cloud my judgment. I questioned my feelings for her, questioned my loyalty and integrity to the bureau. Questioned whether any of this bullshit had been worth it. Basically, I had a meltdown. I had to figure shit out so I could save my ass when this all blew up in my face, and it would. There was no doubt about that. I could only mitigate the damage at this point. The ship was sinking, the captain was stoned, and the rats had fled.

Bella had to know she couldn't keep this Family running after I turned in my evidence. She was going to prison, Carlisle was going to prison. Jasper and Emmett would be dead by then, if I didn't go back on my word and put an end to it all right now. Surely she knew that. Surely she couldn't weasel her way out of this one like she had everything else. Surely she didn't expect me to bail her out of this mess again? Frantic pacing turned into beating my fists onto my mattress. I straightened and pulled my hair until the pain brought some clarity.

I wanted to help her, but it was beyond my ability in the end. It wasn't up to me what happened to the players in this fucked up game. The state would decide what to charge them with after I gave my statements and wrote my reports. What good was worrying about someone I couldn't save?

The landline began to ring. That number was only used in the most dire emergencies; it had never rung before, not one time.

I rushed into the kitchen and snatched the receiver from the cradle before it could stop its shrill noise.

"Yes?"

"Bella needs you at the house. You remember the way?" It was Felix, gruff and to the point as always.

"Yeah. I'll be there."

Adrenaline had me focused down to a pinpoint. I grabbed my Glock, my wallet, and my keys. I took the stairs, bounding down at a breakneck speed until I hit the garage level. The stupid Cadillac had been brought back looking as sorry as usual two days after it was eaten up with bullets. She was slow, but she got the job done as I headed for Bella's. I checked my mirrors repeatedly, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. I circled the block before her turn-off, ensuring that I wasn't followed as well as looking for anyone to pull over and wait for me to come back around. Unless they were hiding with their lights off and drove that way too, there wasn't anyone following me.

I punched the gate code in harder than necessary, stopping just inside to ensure it closed behind me before driving around to the garage. The house was lit up like every light was on and the garage was open.

My heart was in my throat by then, but my mind was in the game. Whatever it was, it had to be damn serious. I threw open the car door without even thinking of the keys and pushed my way into the mudroom.

"Hello?"

I didn't see anybody, but there had been another car in the garage that I didn't recognize. A trail of blood brought my hand to my gun, and I followed it with my eyes trained down the barrel and focused on what I could hear. Crying, talking, and something I couldn't identify. The trail became wider, smeared and full of footprints. I walked slowly and carefully next to it, stopping to check around each corner before proceeding.

There had been no answer when I called out, but now I moved silently, listening for who could be here with Bella. I was positive it was her I could hear crying, and that was the direction I was heading. The kitchen was a huge mess as I passed by; towels stained red, shoes in a men's style, and a bowl of gruesome red. I walked slowly and carefully down the hall toward what I believed to be Bella's bedroom.

I heard Felix say something. His voice was unmistakable. "Bella, you had to know this was a possibility."

"That doesn't make it okay," she sobbed loudly. She sounded broken.

It didn't sound like Felix had taken her hostage in her own home and lured me here, and that was the only reason for me to be so guarded. I peered around the doorway just in case, and the sight had me relaxing my arms and simply standing there for a moment.

Garrett was laid out on Bella's bed. He was wearing jeans and a bullet proof vest, his shoes missing. There was a fairly massive hole in the armor he must not have realized his foe could penetrate. His face and hair were covered in dried blood. Bella was similarly covered in the grisly red smears, tears leaving clean streaks on her cheeks. She rocked back and forth, clutching her stomach; with every forward motion the weapon in her hand clanged on the bed frame. Felix stood near the foot of the bed, watching over the two of them like a sentry.

"Let me get your painkillers, Bella," Felix said in a voice that suggested it wasn't the first time he'd offered.

Her head shook hard. "No! Why should I feel relief? I got him killed!"

I decided it was as good a time as any to make my presence known. "I'm sure he knew what he was getting himself into."

Both heads whipped in my direction. I re-holstered my weapon and stepped into the bedroom. Bella looked like she didn't know what to say.

"Tony." That was all Felix said before leaving the room. I truly thought he knew my real identity by then.

I looked back down at Bella as she sat there on the edge of her bed next to a dead man. She was still crying, and she was a huge mess. Without a word, I did what I'd done after Emmett had put his hands on her. I went to the bathroom and ran hot water in the tub, then went back to the bedroom and picked her up. When she was standing in the bathroom with me, I stripped her of her bloody clothes. I had to pry her gun from her hand and then I cleared it and set it next to the sink. Bella never spoke, just whimpered as I picked her up again to lower her into the water. That was when I noticed her thigh.

"Goddammit, Bella." I felt around the bullet wound, gently palpating the reddened flesh.

"It's nothing," she whispered.

"Nothing but a fucking bullet hole near a major artery. No big deal." I tried to rein in my anger, but it built until I was livid. "What the fuck were you thinking?" I shouted.

Her eyes were glassy and she didn't respond. I heard movement behind me, turning to see Felix with a prescription bottle and a glass of water.

"Thanks." I took them both and set them on the floor near me. The vicodin Bella had offered me such a long time ago would come in handy now.

She glared at me as I held them both out, so I grasped her chin in one hand and pushed the pill past her lips. I had to work to get the glass without letting her go and then dribbled water through the small space I'd created between her lips.

"Why are you so goddamn stubborn?" It was a rhetorical question, one that I doubted even she had the answer to. "Swallow the fucking pill before you go into shock, Isabella."

Her mouth opened and I tipped more water into it. Her throat moved as she hopefully followed instructions instead of faking it. I used the empty glass to scoop water over her head, watching the liquid in the tub change to pink and then muddy red. Realizing Bella wasn't going to participate I drained the tub and turned on the shower, climbed in with her and started bathing her like she was a child.

Felix was there again, handing me towels as I turned off the water. He pulled Bella onto the rug and dried her, and I found a new respect for the man that I thought was a mere bodyguard. He carried her off as I tried to dry myself with wet clothing on, but he came back with clothes that might actually fit me. I didn't want to know who they belonged to, and I didn't really care. I found Bella and Felix in the kitchen, her on the table and him standing next to her with a roll of bandages and medical tape.

"Anybody wanna tell me what happened tonight?"

"Bella and the Garrotter ambushed a shipment. They took out the men one by one, but they had armor piercing rounds. Garrett's Kevlar couldn't save him and Bella was obviously hit in the thigh. She managed to kill the last guy and drag Garrett to the car. She drove him back here and called me, but there was nothing I could do for him." Felix spoke as if he was reciting a recipe as he methodically wrapped Bella's leg.

"It was the shipment we set up to look like Emmett was double crossing his brother. Garrett sent pictures of the crates and Emmett's men unloading them to Jasper before we started shooting. We were in the rafters with rifles, and we had good coverage for awhile. If it hadn't been for that one guy with the Beretta, we would have had them." Tears rolled down Bella's face as she recounted the events of the night.

How was I supposed to mesh the guns-blazing killer with the woman that cried over a brutal enforcer? He died on her watch, helping her with something that was important to her, and that was what counted in her eyes.

"What are you going to do now?" I asked her as I rubbed my temples, hard.

Her eyes almost always held a haunted look in them, and it was more pronounced that night. "I'm moving forward as planned. By now, Jasper thinks Emmett ordered a weapons shipment without telling him. If Jasper thinks Emmett is squeezing him out for more power and more money, he won't hesitate to kill his brother. That'll be one less Cullen for me to worry about."

Felix set Bella on the floor, and she was wrapped in the towel he'd dried her with. She stood unsteadily on one foot, and I couldn't help the surge of emotions, despite my earlier convictions to no longer let them rule my actions. I picked her up, ignored the tightening in my chest as she curled into me, and carried her to the guest room. She dropped her towel and pulled the sheet off the bed, cocooning herself in it before sinking to the bed and closing her eyes tightly.

"Stay with me?" she whispered, and I found that I couldn't deny her request.

As I curled my arm around her, fully clothed on my part and on top of what was left of the covers, I thought about what was falling down around me. The death toll was rising, and we were three against the Family. I didn't trust Carlisle, despite Bella's reassurances, and Felix might not be loyal to me in the slightest, but he was to Bella. That made him an ally, but a blind one. He wouldn't stop her, and apparently I wouldn't either. If Bella was unstoppable, we were all doomed to add to the body count.

* * *

 **Guess who gets her own two cents next chapter? Just do us both a favor and don't read and eat at the same time.**


	18. Chapter 18

**"Generally, it is the tortured who turn into torturers." - Carl Jung**

* * *

It's okay for you to hate me for all the things I've done

I've made a few mistakes, but I'm not the only one

Was there ever any question on how much I could take?

You kept feeding me your bullshit hoping I would break

You will never see what's inside of me

I pull you under just to save myself

~Five Finger Death Punch, Coming Down

* * *

 **When I had a screaming match with Carlisle.**

 **BPOV**

I left my house without saying a word to anybody. Edward wouldn't understand what I was doing, or what I'd done in the past. I drove my own vehicle, a Mercedes sedan that I kept in a garage at the back of the property. I didn't want to risk being recognized at any point in time.

The ostentatious house came into view, and I squinted as I pulled into the driveway. Why Carlisle had picked this old place with its hideous decor was beyond me. I used the keypad to open the gate, the guard nodding at me as I passed. They knew me by now, and it was rare that I was stopped on the way in to see my godfather. It was an ironic title, but it was what it was. He fulfilled the role the best he could for a man involved in illegal activities trying to keep his goddaughter away from a life of crime. There was nothing he could do about me, a thought that made me laugh out loud as I got out of my car and went in through the laundry room.

"Carlisle?

"In here, Bells. Have you eaten?"

His cook was plating what looked like waffles and strawberries, so I accepted a serving and sat at the breakfast table in the nook by the window. There was a bit of sunlight struggling to break through the clouds, giving the area a warm glow. Carlisle's head was bent over the newspaper, coffee cup in hand.

"How is your morning going?" I asked him.

He looked up with a smile. "Nothing too strenuous just yet, but it's still early. How about you?"

I took a bite of waffle, looking at him as I chewed. "Sucks," was all I answered. I wanted to make it through breakfast before throwing shit on his proverbial fan.

"I'm glad you could join me for breakfast. What made you decide to come over?"

I accepted the coffee that his cook set by my elbow and stirred it in silence for a minute. Finally, I met his gaze and answered his question. "We have to have a serious talk."

His expression changed from the easy going father figure to the ruthless mob boss. "What about, Isabella?"

"None of that Isabella stuff. Eat your breakfast, then we'll talk."

He stared at me for about thirty seconds, apparently thinking he could force me to change my mind. That shit didn't work on me because my will was always stronger.

"Fine," he muttered, going back to the paper and eating his food.

I couldn't remember the name of his cook, but I thought it was Maria. He had more than one, and I'd only seen her twice before. She was good, though. She didn't hover like some of the staff, which was helpful since I was sure there would be raised voices in a few minutes.

When Carlisle and I were both through, he set his fork on his plate and leveled me with what he thought was an intimidating stare. "Out with it."

I sighed, not thrilled with any of this. "Garrett didn't make it."

His fist hit the table. "What happened?"

"I didn't know Emmett's men had armor piercing bullets, that's what happened. One went through his chest and the vest was nothing in comparison."

"And yourself?"

I looked at the table. "Shot in the thigh." The wound throbbed as a reminder.

"Fuck, Bella, you could have gotten yourself killed. Why didn't you just let me do it?"

I looked up then, into the face that I loved as much as I'd loved my own flesh and blood before he was taken from me. "Because I'm trying to keep you clean. So far all they have is known associations, Carlisle. I can't have you caught up in murder."

"But you're willing to go down for it all? How is that going to work out?"

I took a deep breath. "I always have a plan, you know that."

"And?"

"And I'm in bed with a fed." I waited for the explosion, the realization that the term was as literal as it was figurative.

"What the goddamn motherfucking hell were you thinking, Isabella?" There was the shouting I'd expected. He stood rapidly and came to stand over me, but I stood, too, so we were almost face to face.

"It's not my fault that he crept in here and nobody else noticed! I knew I had to figure out how to use him to our advantage, goddammit! He would have turned us all in and we'd all be going to prison! I did what had to be done, just like I always do!"

"And who the fuck did I let slip by me? You might as well tell the truth, because you know I'll go digging now and you can't hide it from me!"

I looked away for a second before straightening my shoulders and looking him dead in the eyes. "Tony Di Stefano is actually FBI Agent Edward Masen."

"Fuck!" I watched as he paced away from me and threw something against the wall. He came back with fury painted on his face. "He has to die, Isabella. He took the oath of Omertá knowing what it meant, knowing what he is!"

Matching fury pumped through my veins. "You'll do no such thing! He's an asset, for fuck's sake! He helped me with Jimmy and he's looking the other way while I take care of your goddamn bastards!"

He growled. "So now we let feds in our Family and pretend they aren't the threat we know them to be? Are you out of your mind? No wonder you moved in with him, he's fucking you just like the boys accused him and getting a free pass. Your judgement is clouded!"

"Don't you ever question my judgement. I've been through the pits of hell to save your ass." I spoke softly, the words having all the more impact. He knew exactly what I was referring to, and he'd be smart not to bring it up again.

He sighed quietly. "You're right, Bells. I'm more sorry than you'll ever know for what they did to you behind my back. Every day I think of what I should have done differently."

"Your guilt doesn't fix things, action does. So I'm letting Jasper take out Emmett, but then I don't know how to take down Jasper. He's cunning, Carlisle, he'll figure it out and see me coming a mile away."

"What was your original plan for him?" he asked, going to the coffee maker and refilling his cup.

"I was going to have Tony—Edward help me, but I can't keep asking him to break the law. He has a conscience, unlike the rest of us. I've pushed him so far away while trying to protect him that I don't know if he'll ever help me again."

He threw his free hand up in the air. "You're making my point for me. Why are you involved with him personally? You're going to get all of us killed because he's good in bed? Fuck that! We strike while he's not looking, we take him out and make it look like a hit!"

"We can't do that, are you fucking kidding me? I don't want to rain hell down on us, I'm trying to save us!" My voice had gone back up to an uncontrollable level.

"It doesn't look like it from here! It looks like you're covering your own ass while you're out for revenge!"

"You and I both know those two have to die! If for no other reason than for Gianna's betrayal! God fucking dammit, Carlisle, you sure can't make up your mind about what's right and what's wrong in your world! You don't have morals but you expect the rest of us to?"

"You leave Gianna out of this!" His nostrils flared as he yelled at me. Her name was forbidden, but it was past time to discuss it out in the open.

"How can I possibly, when she's the reason we agreed the two of them have to go? Have you really never told them?"

"I've never told anybody! Do you think I enjoy knowing that my wife betrayed me not once, but twice? Fuck, Bells, I had to put on a smile and raise them as my own! I had to watch as they treated you like shit because they thought their lineage bought them certain rights when it actually bought them jack shit!"

"Then why do you get pissy over the idea of me killing them?" I yelled.

"Because I've been there for you since you were born, and goddammit Bella, you're more my child than those two heathens! I've tried to protect you, and sometimes I've failed, but that doesn't mean I'll stop trying! You have to get out from under the fed, it's for your safety as much as anybody else's. Just let me take care of it, okay?"

"You can't! You can't have anything to do with any of it, or your future goes out the window!"

"Bella, you can't possibly think that keeping a fed in your pocket will work forever or that it'll somehow save me! He needs to die!"

"Like fuck he does! This conversation is over, and so help me if anything happens to him, I'll know it was you!"

"Are you threatening me, Bella? You're out of control, and all over a fed! Are you—"

"I love him!" I bellowed as loudly as I could.

We stood there in the kitchen, our breathing coming out in pants, and the silence deafening me. Carlisle stared at me like an insect under a microscope. He turned away from me, his shoulders slumped in defeat. "Do you have any idea what you've brought down on our heads, Bella? You're a criminal, you can't have a future with a federal officer."

"If you think I don't know that, then I'm ashamed at how idiotic you believe me to be."

I left Carlisle's. I was emotionally drained, but I knew I had a very important errand to run before I could rest. I checked in with Felix to make sure he had what I needed. When I received the confirmation, I headed in the direction of the club. I pulled on black leather gloves and tied my hair behind my head before getting out of the car. Felix let me in the back door, and I went straight for the office.

I grinned when I saw what was waiting for me. "Hello, Emmett."

He was thoroughly tied to a chair, a gag in his mouth and hatred in his eyes.

"The devil's little sister is here for a play date. Doesn't that sound like fun?" He grunted and rocked the chair, trying to knock it over.

"Tsk, tsk. That won't do you any good." I move closer to him, pulling my long blade from the sheath that hid under my bra. "I thought that first we could go down a list of our sins." I used the tip of the knife to dig into his thigh. He squirmed and tried to scream against the gag.

"First off, there was you and Jasper treating me like shit my whole life because you felt like you were better than me. Second, there was you and Jasper plotting to have my father killed when you heard I was going to inherit the money and the Family." My knife carved deeper, cutting a slice through his pants. "And of course, you left me to die when I was shot at the warehouse, but when I ruined your plans by living, you set out trying your best to torture me."

I moved my hand, cutting a hole in the seam of his pants at the crotch. "You and Jasper told me I needed to strip for you if I wanted to eat. You thought I was broke, that I had nothing without my father's money and protection. Well guess what?" I leaned in close as I nicked the sensitive skin of his scrotum. His muffled scream was the highlight of my life. "I have all of Daddy's money. I have a mansion and a nice car. I have Carlisle's ear, and he does what I tell him to do.

"You pimped me out to men you owed favors to, do you remember that? Didn't matter how much I fought, how tough I thought I was. You threw me to the wolves and let them eat me alive." One swift jerk had a long slice opening up the length of his pathetic dick. He hollered against the rag, bucking in the chair again. "I learned to carry this knife with me at all times, and no one ever touched me again without my consent. Except for that night last week, when I was working and you thought that if you couldn't whore me out you'd just rape me." I stabbed him repeatedly in what was left of his balls. He whined and his eyes rolled back in his head. "Just in case you're unclear why you have to be tortured before you die." I laughed at that. "All those times you and Jasper thought you could talk me into sleeping with you. Too bad you never figured out how to get me alone for that."

Tears were rolling down his face and collecting in the gag. I smiled at the pain in his eyes. "You tried to chain me down, but you couldn't stop me. I just learned to work behind your back. Everything you have is because you stole it from me. You thought you could destroy me if you tried hard enough, but I have news for you." I jerked my hand again, cutting half way across his limp dick. The noises he was making would have been loud if they'd been full volume, but instead they were pathetic.

"You blamed me because you were so pitiful as to need me." I cut his flesh the rest of the way off, and his body had gone still. There was no fight left in him, just a puddle of blood on the floor at his feet and his cock in my hand.

"Do you know what I'm going to do with this?" I asked as I held it up for him to see. I pulled off his gag, knowing he was too weak to yell at this point.

"Please," he whispered.

"Don't be begging for your life now; that's a lost cause."

Without focusing on what I was doing, I pulled out his tongue to open his mouth as far as I could and shoved the hunk of mutilated flesh in there. His eyes widened and he spluttered before I got the gag back over his face.

"See, Jasper thinks that you've betrayed him. I set up a shipment and had your men go and collect it all. Not one of them survived by the way, so I hope you weren't fond of any of them. Jasper is going to receive word that you're tied up and waiting on him. He'll kill you for me; you know he won't put up with you double crossing him. And I'll have it all on tape." I leaned in and whispered the truth in his ear, words that were for him alone.

The crying and choking was truly pathetic now. "There, there, little pig. You should have known I'd eat the wolf and don his suit. Too bad you were too stupid to see what was right in front of your face."

I went to the door and knocked three times. The return knocking sounded five times, so I knew the hallway was clear. Felix came in and went about setting up the camera while I alternated watching him and watching the hall.

"Jesus, Bella, how do I hide all that blood?" Felix grumbled.

I smiled sweetly. "Push the chair up under the table and wipe his face clean."

He did as I suggested, and from the door it looked like Emmett had been bound and gagged and was waiting for his executioner. Felix taped a note to Emmett's chest reading For Jasper.

We left through the back, me not touching anything until I reached my car; Felix was going to drive me home. I pulled off the bloody gloves and stuck them in a waiting trash bag and used hand sanitizer to feel less like I was covered in nastiness, but I would need a bath, preferably a scalding hot one.

The day may have started with a screaming match, but it had ended with serving Emmett's dick to him. And I was perfectly fine with that.

* * *

 **I hope she answered the majority of your questions. She was sent off to be raped by Emmett's debt collectors when he couldn't pay up. She has tried to always protect Carlisle because she loves him like a father. And, yes, she truly loves Edward. More from Bella next chapter.**

 **I admit I made myself sick to my stomach trying to find suitable pictures for the blog. Speaking of which, I couldn't decide what song I liked the best for this chapter, so I put up three on the blog.**


	19. Chapter 19

**I can't say I'm surprised at the reviews from last chapter. I think (hope) there's something in this one you've been looking for.**

* * *

 _All these minutes passing, sick of feeling used_

 _If you wanna break these walls down, you're gonna get bruised_

 _Now my neck is open wide, begging for a fist around it_

 _Already choking on my pride, so there's no use crying about it_

 _I'm headed straight for the castle, they've got the kingdom locked up_

 _And there's an old man sitting on the throne that's saying_

 _I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut_

 _But I'm headed straight for the castle_

 _~Halsey, Castle_

* * *

 **When I experienced pain that was worse than all the violence one should have to endure in a lifetime.**

I heard from Felix late that night. I was alone in my home with just the ghost of Garrett haunting me. Felix had sent in a clean up crew the night before while I tried my best to sleep with Edward curled around me. The sense of how much I'd betrayed the man I loved already burned in me so that I was unable to rest. I'd taken something good and pure and twisted it until it suited my needs. I hadn't ever intended to fall in love with him. That was never in my cards, something as simple as love. My life was complicated to say the least. I was going to use him, turn him, and convince him to betray his oath. I didn't know I'd stumbled upon one of the last human beings to have integrity. What I'd asked of him and what he'd agreed to do in order to cover for me was eating away at me. In the end, I would still have what I wanted, even if it was for a brief moment. I would have control of the Family, and I would see that Carlisle lived out a long and happy life.

Even if it killed me.

Felix called to tell me that he had the recording of Jasper shooting Emmett but not discovering what was hiding in his mouth. Jasper had been really worked up apparently, and didn't notice how out of it his brother was. Tomorrow, Carlisle would invite Jasper to his house, and I would tell him everything. It would be a pretty good guess to assume Jasper would want to ensure I died. The kicker was, Felix was going to turn in the tape anonymously, and we were counting on the feds coming to arrest him. If that failed, well, it would be a bullet to the head courtesy of me.

If it wasn't death, I could find peace with Jasper spending his life in prison. As long as I fixed it for myself and Carlisle, then it would be worth it. Since they would have nothing to charge me with, I would take over once Jasper was gone. I would cut out the strip club, the drugs, the forced protection payments, and clean house. If I could keep our arms deals, I would make my money off that, but barring that idea, I wasn't entirely sure what I would do for income. My father had left me plenty of money, but I couldn't pay to employ anyone that stayed and wanted to pledge their loyalty to me without a steady stream of incoming cash.

Everything now hinged on Edward keeping quiet to save me and himself. If his conscience fucked with him and he had the sudden need to tell the truth, there would be nothing I could do. All of my carefully laid plans would fall by the wayside, but more than that, he would pay the price for getting involved with me, and I hated that thought. I really had tried to protect him, marginally in the beginning, but with a desperation once I'd realized my feelings for him. I'd fought those feelings, and I'd fought them hard. Loving Edward would only spell disaster, and I actively tried not to like him. Pushing him away the last few days had been hard on me, not to mention how I must have made him feel. The more he hated me, the less trouble he would be in.

After another sleepless night I made my way back to Carlisle's house. I was upset with Carlisle, upset with myself. I wanted him in my corner, frankly I thought he was always in my corner, and I was shocked that his reaction to Edward was to want to kill him. It seemed that no matter which choices I made, I messed things up and made them worse. I couldn't decide if I should tell Edward that Carlisle knew about him, or if he would feel nothing but betrayal. I wanted to show Carlisle that I had a plan, that Garrett's life wasn't given in vain. I wanted all of this to be over so I could never hurt anyone else again. I wanted to protect them all, but it seemed that I failed over and over.

All of my efforts, all of my scheming, had been leading me up to this moment; it wasn't the time to second guess myself. I'd dressed carefully, wanting to show Jasper that I wasn't the trash he thought I was. Nervously, I ran my hand down my hair as I got out of the car and walked in to Carlisle's house for the second time in two days. Maria was clearing the breakfast dishes, and I hoped she would leave the main part of the house when she was done. Hell, she should pack a bag and run for her life.

I found Carlisle in his study going over some paperwork. He looked up at me as I came in and sat down. "Bella."

I nodded at him. "Carlisle."

"I trust Felix has turned the tape in as instructed?" He sat back in his chair and steepled his hands together in his lap.

"He has. He left word that Jasper would be here at nine."

"Then let's hope he's at least punctual."

"Him and the police," I muttered.

"He's not going to be happy with the outcome today." That was an understatement.

"No, he's going to go apeshit. We have to be prepared for anything."

He inclined his head. "I've beefed up my staff, and I trust Felix will be here?"

"He will." I looked at the clock over Carlisle's head. "Any minute now. He's going to join your men by the back door, since it's closest to the living room."

"Then we should wait in there."

We moved into the other room, and Carlisle sat in his favorite chair. I found that I couldn't sit, so I stood staring into the fireplace and imagined Jasper going down in flames. The visualization helped somewhat, but I was still nervous when one of Carlisle's henchmen came in to announce Jasper's arrival.

He would come alone to his father's house, of that I was certain. He expected censure for Emmett's death, most likely. He would receive that and so much more. He would hear the truth, all of it, and then the police would knock on the door. They would be ushered in like royalty for the first time ever and I would stand by and watch as they arrested him for killing his own brother.

"Pops," I heard behind me. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Jasper. Have a seat."

There was a bitter chuckle. "Are you calling me on the carpet?" And then a shuffling sound. "Who's this?"

I figured that was my cue to turn around and face him. "The big bad wolf in sheep's clothing, of course."

He started to get to his feet, but Carlisle's outstretched hand stopped him. "Now, now. Sit the fuck down, _son._ "

Jasper fell back into his seat, staring at me incredulously. "Why is she here?"

"It's time for confession. Did you bring your rosary? No? That's fine." I smirked.

Carlisle spoke to get Jasper's attention. "It's time to tell you what's been going on around here."

"Either you're calling me on the carpet over Emmett or you're stepping down, old man. Nothing else about this whole scenario would make any sense."

"Then I suggest you open your mind and broaden your imagination. You see, Bella has been running the Family since her father was murdered." Jasper made a sound of disgust and glared over at me. I smiled widely at him. "I gave her the reins exactly as Charles intended. I have merely been the _consigliere_ for over a year now. You have seen what you wanted to see, which is a shame."

"So, now that you know that _I'm_ your boss, let me tell you what went down with Emmett." I stretched one arm across the mantle and leaned casually against it. "He didn't betray you."

Jasper's face turned an alarming shade of red. "What? Of course he did, I got proof."

"Yes, manufactured proof that I provided to you."

"Son of a bitch! Then who tied him up in the office yesterday?" Now he stood, pacing behind the chair he'd sat in. "You're not strong enough to subdue Emmett."

"Oh, I have people. Men that are loyal to me and Carlisle, _not_ you and your scum brother."

"That means…" He looked up at me, the hatred in his eyes clear. "That means I had no reason to kill my brother. _You bitch_!"

He lunged for me, but I had my gun pulled from the thigh holster under my dress before anybody could blink. "He deserved to die. So do you, but I have no intention of spilling blood in Carlisle's home unless I have no other alternative. So don't make me shoot you."

Jasper faced down my Glock for several minutes before he relented and turned away to glare at Carlisle. "What the fuck is this shit? You condone this? He was my _brother_!"

"Half brother. And you should have thought of that before you assumed he betrayed you." Carlisle stood now, meeting Jasper's eyes. "You are not my son. Emmett was not my son. You are a disgrace to this entire operation, taking the lion's share for yourself and not passing the riches on to your capos. You think they didn't notice the pay cut? You think I haven't heard for a year and a half about how much better it was under the Swan? You _sicken_ me."

"Daddy dearest knows all about what you and your brother did to me. Count yourself fortunate that it was mostly Emmett, or I would have found a way to make you pay dearly, the same way I did to him."

Something registered on his face as he looked over his shoulder at me. I saw fire in his eyes. "The clean up crew found something in Emmett's mouth. They couldn't tell what it was at first. _That was you_."

"Now you know not to mess with me," I said simply.

His roar of rage took me by surprise, as did his second attempt at lunging at me. I fired at him, catching him in the arm, but he kept coming. He had me on the floor, punching me in the face before anyone else made it across the room. Carlisle was shouting something, but there was a ringing in my ears as blow after blow accumulated in my skull. My senses went by the wayside, and all I knew was the pain.

Then there was nothing. No pain, no sound, just blackness. One eye pried open, and there was Edward with his weapon trained on Jasper, who was panting with the exertion of kicking my ass. Felix and a man that went by Titan were holding him back. I smirked and flipped Jasper off as he struggled in their grasp.

Then I lost consciousness.

I awoke in my bed, expecting a hospital and seeing my lampshade, my jewelry box. Edward was there, he was always there. I was such an idiot for not seeing that sooner.

"Your bullet went through Jasper's arm and hit Carlisle. He'll be okay, but he's currently in the hospital. He has armed security, just in case you think you're going to go bust him out."

I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't even speak. Emotion clogged my throat as much as the pain.

"You can sleep. Felix is here." There was a pause and I blinked, worried he was about to disappear. "I won't be here when you wake again. My case is over." He looked like he was suffocating, like every word was dragged up from lungs short on air.

Tears slipped from eyes that clenched against the onslaught of agony. I had seen enough violence to last me a lifetime, and none of that hurt more than knowing Edward was going away. There was the feel of his lips on my forehead, and then he was gone.

* * *

 **There have been a few theories proven wrong, but maybe some of you are feeling smug knowing that you've been right all along. Edward is back for the next chapter so we can find out where he was during this debacle.**


	20. Chapter 20

**If you missed the teaser on Facebook, there's a picture of Titan on there and on the blog. He's really damn hot.**

* * *

 _Just one more time before I go I'll let you know_

 _That all this time I've been afraid, wouldn't let it show_

 _Stars are only visible in darkness_

 _The only sound is the battle cry_

 _Nobody can save me now_

 _It's do or die_

~Imagine Dragons, Battle Cry

* * *

 **The one time Bella should have told me her plans.**

 **EPOV**

Waking up alone in someone else's bed is never a good thing. My exploring showed me that Garrett was gone, new bedding in place of the bloodstain he left behind. Felix was in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, giving me the impression he was waiting on me.

"Bella is visiting Carlisle. She said to thank you and make sure you made it home safely."

"Okay." I didn't think I needed to say anything else; he had his orders and would follow them. It was my cue to leave.

Back at the apartment, I made breakfast and wondered what the hell she was up to now. She was expecting Jasper to do her dirty work, which was fine with me. It was one less murder on her tally, one less for me to feel guilty about. _Yeah, sure, Masen_. I understood her game after last night. I'd probably seen it all along, but anger had blinded me from focusing on it. She wanted to push me away so she could do what she had to do without interference from me. Her motives remained unclear, and it would be egotistical to assume it was all about me. She was covering for Carlisle and herself, that much I knew.

I'd done some digging into Eric Yorkie's death. He'd been Charles Swan's attorney of record, had accompanied him on many trips down to the local station, and been the one to file paperwork for Charlie's last will and testament. Yorkie had been found in his car under an overpass with two bullet wounds to the head. His tongue had been cut from his mouth, the classic sign of someone caught being a rat. There had been no leads at the time, but I had Bella's flippant statement that Carlisle had killed him. Working backwards with that information, I tried to link the gun to Carlisle Cullen using the slugs pulled from the body at autopsy. Unfortunately for me, Carlisle didn't have any weapons registered in his name. He was entirely too smart for that.

He was slick, I had to give him that. No amount of investigating had pointed at Carlisle for the kill; not until Bella let it slip. I was determined to protect her as I'd promised, but Carlisle remained my main objective, and Jake's. I was becoming concerned that we would both be facing sanctions after this case. If I kept my mouth shut and Jake had documented what he should have done and not what he actually did, we might skate by. I was already planning to take time off and reevaluate what I was going to do with my life. I couldn't continue as an agent after all I'd done, if I even made it out without being arrested myself. It just wasn't right after the way I'd corrupted my integrity.

By that evening, I had an insurmountable tension headache. My research into the Yorkie murder was getting me nowhere. Bella had made damn sure to cover for Carlisle to a ruthless point. It seemed that had been her agenda all along, to cover for him and for herself. I knew she thought she could run the Family after she took care of the boys, but I didn't understand how she thought she could accomplish that after my case was over and I turned in everything I knew about the day-to-day operations. I grudgingly admired her determination to remain strong and keep those she loved safe. She had a horrible way of accomplishing her goals, but it was the only life she knew.

I slept fitfully due to a sense of foreboding settling on the back of my neck, a prickling awareness of something yet to come. I woke groggy and irritable, having a hot shower and too much coffee in retaliation. The only good thing was that I had upgraded my coffee recently. It gave me a boost after the third cup, and I felt much better. I was still feeling like something was coming, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Bella ignored my attempts to get in touch; my calls going unanswered and my texts unread.

That feeling only built until I was twitchy and anxious. Something was happening, and she was part of it, that much was clear. It wasn't until Jake called that everything made sense.

"What's so important that you're risking calling me?" I barked into my phone.

"An anonymous recording was sent in to the local two-one late last night. It shows Emmett Cullen tied to a chair in a small room and Jasper Cullen coming in and shooting him twice in the head at point-blank range. They sent it to our office for authentication after they recognized the brothers. Jasper Cullen is at his father's mansion and has been for almost an hour. I need you to go and oversee the arrest. I'll have squad cars meet you there."

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck_! Now I knew where Bella was today. "Yes, sir. I'll go now; I'm fifteen minutes out."

"Copy that." He hung up the phone, and I flew around the apartment getting my shit together and running down to the garage.

If they turned it in last night, then there was a plan of some kind to lure Jasper there. I only hoped he didn't realize what was coming before officers arrived. I pushed the Cadillac to the limits as I raced through the streets. It was nine forty-five, and I had no way of knowing how long he'd been there or what was going down. I only hoped I could gain entrance to the house and mitigate the damage before it got out of hand.

The man at the front gate was tall and thin. He stepped out of the guard shack with a glare and a clipboard. "I don't have any visitors on the list for this time of day," he began.

"Felix here?" I asked. His eyes widened and his brows went up. "Tell him Tony Di Stefano is here. Carlisle's in trouble."

He started to argue, then looked more closely at me and stepped back inside his little doll house to use the phone. I could hear him speaking angrily with someone, and then the gate opened. "Around the back."

I flipped him off as I drove through, I couldn't help myself. Precious minutes wasted, but I guess he was doing his job. I drove down the curved driveway, following it around the back of the house. Felix was waiting for me near a mid-sized garage.

"I don't even want to know how you knew to come," he began as I stepped out.

"Were the police due to arrive and arrest Jasper but didn't show up?" I confirmed. He gave a curt nod. "Their invitation was lost in the mail, but they'll be here soon. Where are Bella and Carlisle?"

He lead me to the french doors at the back corner of the house closest to us. There was a very large, dark-featured man standing guard there already. I stood to the side of the doors, glancing in at what was going on inside. Jasper was standing near Carlisle, and Bella was in front of the fireplace. I wasn't surprised that they were loud enough to almost make out what they were saying from outside. When Jasper really started yelling at Carlisle, I rested my hand on my weapon at my back.

The sound of voices over the radio on the giant man's shoulder was a distraction that nobody needed in that moment. The local police had arrived—better late than never—and I turned to look around the corner of the house to the front gate. That moment in time was all it took for the three of us to lose focus on Jasper and what he was capable of doing. By the time I turned back and glanced through the double doors, Jasper had Bella on the tile hearth in front of the fireplace.

"Son of a bitch!"

My shout alerted the other two men and the three of us flew into the room like gangbusters. I headed straight for Bella and Jasper, using the butt of my gun to hit him in the back of the head. As he fell away from Bella with a grunt and a curse and I saw how much damage he'd done to her, I couldn't care less how unprofessional I was.

"Titan! Hold him back!" Felix ordered, and the two bodyguards picked a kicking and flailing Jasper up off the floor.

"She's a goddamn fucking traitorous _bitch_!" he spat.

I trained my weapon on him but crouched next to Bella and brushed my hand across her mangled face. He'd gotten in enough blows that she appeared to be out of it. "Bella," I said, gently shaking her shoulder.

She opened one eye and seemed to focus on me. She flipped Jasper off and her eye slipped closed again. _My hellcat._

I turned to survey the room, finally spotting a bleeding Carlisle sprawled across the couch. The room exploded in activity at that moment, uniformed police officers storming in and announcing themselves with raised firearms before I could reach the man. They would have been informed of the presence of a UC, but not necessarily that it was me. I raised my hands and slowly dipped down to place my Glock on the coffee table. Felix and the man he'd called Titan put their hands in the air and had to let go of Jasper to do so.

"I have information on Carlisle Cullen! I want a deal!" he started shouting as he stumbled toward the nearest cop. She raised her weapon higher and shouted at him to stop moving.

"Shut the fuck up, you imbecile," I growled.

"He murdered my mother!" he screamed. "I want immunity!"

I huffed a laugh and spoke under my breath. "Good luck with that."

The hours passed in an excruciating crawl. We were all arrested, taken to the station, and questioned. Jake was there, vouching for me and handing over my original identification and badge. I didn't see any of the others.

"Go home. Take the rest of the day, come back at oh-eight-hundred for your full briefing," Black instructed. I clutched the keys to my own car and my worn leather wallet in my hand as he spoke, recognizing that I was a stranger now and not entitled to see or speak to any of the players I'd spent nine months with.

I nodded, my heart in my throat. I'd watched Bella being tended to by EMTs at Carlisle's house, and she had to have been taken to the hospital by now. I went there first, fool that I was, and tracked her down.

She wasn't really awake, but she was conscious. She was on pain killers and had been through x-rays by the time I arrived. She was small and pale in the bed, all white sheets, dark hair, and bruised face.

"Bella. Do you want me to take you home?" I asked after the nurse left the room. I leaned close to her, memorizing the cuts and contusions, when she opened her eyes.

"Edward? I'm scared." Her voice was tiny, sounding younger than her twenty-two years.

I signed her out, knowing I shouldn't. Her eyes fluttered as I placed her in a wheelchair, and she chuckled. "I'm going to run the world," she said.

I believed her.

Felix was at Bella's house when I arrived and I wasn't entirely surprised. There wasn't much of anything illegal I'd been able to prove about him. He was a bodyguard and a bouncer, end of story.

"Put her in her bed and leave," he demanded, jaw tight.

Oh. So he hadn't known my true identity until today. Well fuck me.

I carried her into her room, placing sleeping beauty on her new bed. She stirred, her eyes opening again and focusing a little more clearly this time.

"Your bullet went through Jasper's arm and hit Carlisle. He'll be okay, but he's currently in the hospital. He has armed security, just in case you think you're going to go bust him out." The expression of pain on her face was like nothing I'd ever seen before. She loved him, of that I was certain. She'd done all of this to protect him. "You can sleep. Felix is here."

I paused, emotion clogging my throat so that I couldn't speak. I gulped in air, realized I couldn't take a full breath, and simply spoke before I lost the nerve. "I won't be here when you wake again. My case is over."

Tears leaked down into the hair at her temples, but I forced myself to turn away from her. At the last minute I went back, kissing her forehead quickly and then leaving her room.

I didn't speak to Felix, just peeled out of the driveway and down the mostly empty street. It was late, streetlights piercing the darkness every few feet. Leftover rain on the road was noisy under my tires, covering the sound of the sob that broke free from its cage. Bella should have told me her plans for the day. I could have helped her, I could have ensured the police were there to arrest Jasper in time. It was merely one more testament to the fact that my feelings and hers were not aligned.

* * *

 **It never occurred to me that some of you would think that Edward abandoned or betrayed Bella. He was just late to the party.**


	21. Chapter 21

**How am I going to work this out so that they get their HEA? It's the most common question I'm getting at the moment, and I don't blame you. You'll have to trust me.**

* * *

 _Always told you not to love me_

 _I got poison in my pocket, told you I was bad news_

 _My demeanor made you wait, but the consequences stayed_

 _I killed everything we were_

 _It's been 27 hours since we even saw the sun_

 _~Banks, 27 Hours_

* * *

 **When I was made to pay for all that I had done.**

The next day was shitty to say the least. It was pouring down rain as I drove in to work to face the firing squad. I was so fucking happy to be in my own apartment the previous night, with my own clothes and familiar surroundings. I was happy to throw my brown contacts in the trash can and to stare at my normal self in the mirror. I'd tried to savor it, to find the good in all of this, but it was long gone now.

Black was waiting for me, a stern expression on his face but an extra coffee in his hand. We were sort of friends, allies in what we did for a living, but he wouldn't go easy on me, nor did I expect it of him.

We settled in a conference room alone, but it might as well have been an interrogation room; that's what it would become before much time had passed. There was a stack of folders on the table, a pitcher of water and a stack of cups. Typical for any meeting, but this was not a typical meeting. This was where I found out if I would be fired or arrested.

We sat, and he started immediately. "How close did you get to the subject?"

"Not as close as I would have liked," I replied as I took the lid off my coffee and blew on it.

"How close did you get to Isabella Swan?"

"Closer than I should have," I answered honestly, then took a sip of the scalding liquid. Singeing the tip of my tongue brought clarity.

His brows knitted together. "Did it gain you intel?"

"She told me that Carlisle Cullen killed Eric Yorkie, Charles Swan's attorney. That dates back about two years now, unsolved."

"Did you find proof of such?"

"I did not." I sipped my coffee again and watched him.

Jake sighed, looked down at the folder he'd opened, and rubbed his face hard. "What of the murder of Peter Caplan?"

"I witnessed Emmett and Jasper Cullen drag him onto the main floor of their club, Façade, and Jasper shoot him in the back of the head. They were hoping to have someone in their midst confess to being a fed." I looked Jacob in the eyes. "Isabella informed me they were flexing their power but that they did not actually believe there was a fed."

He flipped that folder closed and pulled over another one. "Riley Biers?"

My gaze never wavered. "Speculation was that a rival Family was looking to take down Emmett Cullen using Riley Biers. It is still unclear who killed him."

"His body was not found in his office, and no evidence of a crime was discovered, despite forensics doing a deep search for blood and other fluids."

I knew he was dead. I'd held the photo in my hands. "I don't know enough about that to formulate an educated opinion."

"James O'Malley, alias Greasy Thumb. What do you know about him?"

"I heard that he was the one responsible for killing Charles Swan, that he was paid by Emmett and Jasper Cullen to set up the hit. The rumor was that nobody could prove it, so instead he flaunted his mistakes while thinking he was above their rules. He skimmed money off the top of his tributes before turning them in, things like that. That's why they called him greasy. He slipped by punishment until he didn't. Bullet to the head sniper-style is what I heard."

Jake shuffled some things around again. "What happened the night you reported Emmett Cullen to me?"

This could get tricky for me. I probably should have let it go instead of reporting it. "I drove Bella to work that night. The atmosphere was hyped up after Greasy Thumb was killed, and I was hoping to hear something about who did it. I was laying low at the bar when Emmett took the stage while Bella was dancing. He manhandled her, embarrassed her, that type of shit. I stayed out of it." I sighed and cracked my knuckles under the table. "Bella told me later that night after her shift that Emmett attempted to sexually assault her in the backstage area with another dancer present. Façade's bouncer, Felix Romanov, stepped in and put a stop to it."

He hummed, moving the photos in front of him around with the tip of his pen. "And you did nothing about it?"

"I retained my cover and didn't show my feelings, yes."

"What about Emmett Cullen's death?" he asked without preamble.

"I can honestly say I had no clue about it until you called me and informed me of the video recording."

He nodded and didn't say anything for a minute, merely staring at me. "All right, let's take a break for lunch," he finally said.

I glanced over my shoulder at the clock on the wall. It was fucking twelve thirty. I stood and stretched.

"I'll have Cope order something from the diner. What do you want?"

I thought of his assistant, Mrs. Shelly Cope, as I told him what I wanted for lunch. She was the personification of the term 'old battle ax'. She was great.

I walked out to the main room of the office and looked out the glass doors. It was still pouring down rain, and I hoped Shelly wasn't going to go out in that. I turned to ask Jake and spotted _her_ instead. Wearing a dress that showed off her mile long legs and talking to Ben a few feet away. She was facing away from me, but I knew it was her.

A throat clearing behind me caught her attention and mine. Just as she raised her head I looked back at Jacob. "Shouldn't she be in the hospital?"

His tough expression slipped for a second before he recovered. "Someone claiming to be her brother signed her out AMA. She came in to give her statement regarding Jasper and the information he gave us about Gianna Cullen's death."

I couldn't answer him. I wanted to know what she'd said, what they'd asked her, if she would be arrested. So many things went through my head, but I had to keep my mouth shut or give it all away.

"So, uh, Shelly isn't going out in this rain, is she?" I said instead.

"No, she called the order in, but I was going to brave the weather and pick it up for us."

I cleared my throat. "I'll do it. I, uh, need a breather from this place."

One eyebrow went up, and I wondered if he'd order me to stay. "I would tell you not to drown, but I think that's inevitable."

I laughed awkwardly at his attempt at a joke and jogged out into the rain. It was coming down in sheets and my clothes and hair were plastered to my body by the time I opened the door to the diner across the street. I had to wait in line at the pick-up area, and after I told them I was there and confirmed that Mrs. Cope had paid over the phone, I backed up to a corner to wait in solitude.

There was no doubt in my mind the second half of the day would be worse than the first. I'd have to hear about whatever Jasper had claimed and what information Bella had given them. I'd be grilled about all the things I had done wrong and what I should have done differently. The fact that Jake let me leave the building hinted at the fact that they weren't planning to charge me with anything. I would take any suspension he threw at me without complaint and flee to Chicago to visit my family so I didn't see Bella around every corner like I would here.

As if I'd summoned her by thinking her name, the bells over the door clanged as it was pushed open, revealing an umbrella first and a pair of long, toned legs next. She closed the umbrella and tried to hold it away from her body to keep it from dripping on her clothes. Her dark doe eyes searched the confines of the small eatery, first near the counter and then past the heads of those in line to pay. She spotted me and a flush crept up her neck.

I was leaning against the wall, wet leather jacket and boots, jeans and a black t-shirt. My hair was probably sticking up since I'd run my hands through it several times in an effort to dispel the rain. She approached hesitantly.

"Hi."

I didn't straighten from my casual stance, didn't throw myself at her feet or wrap my arms around her like I wanted to.

"You shaved." She took a step closer. "And your eyes aren't really brown."

I didn't remark on the bruises covering her face, the butterfly bandage over one eyebrow, or the dark circles under her eyes. I didn't scream at her for almost getting herself killed. _Again_. I didn't ask about her part in Emmett's death or if she would be charged with anything. I didn't tell her I loved her, how that emotion had made me do anything and everything I could for her and it hadn't been enough. I didn't ask if she was the official Dona, and I didn't beg her to run away with me to a non-extradition country and start a new life.

Instead, I sealed away that part of my heart that yearned to tell her all of the things I was thinking and feeling. I closed myself off to her and just watched her watching me. About the time it became incredibly uncomfortable, the girl behind the counter called out my order. I walked swiftly over and accepted the bags with a thank you and made my way back out into the rain, into the life I chose years ago, and in the opposite direction of what could never be my future.

Back in the office, Jake barely let me get my food scarfed down before he started in on me again.

"Jasper Cullen alleges that he witnessed Carlisle Cullen shoot Mrs. Gianna Cullen in the middle of an argument. He claims that just yesterday Carlisle informed him that he is not, in fact, a legitimate Cullen heir, which places heavy motive behind what he claims Carlisle did."

"I was not aware of this information. Not one word about their parentage ever came up in discussion."

"Carlisle Cullen will be charged with one count of murder in the first degree, as it is the only crime we have anything remotely resembling evidence to charge him with. Isabella Swan came to us to offer herself up as a go-between while Cullen is hospitalized. She stated on record that Cullen will give up all of his information on the other three mafia Families in this territory as long as we offer him protection. Cheney has been in touch with the Marshall service, and they have agreed to meet with Carlisle to hash out the possibility of witness security and protection, dependent on the validity of the information he is willing to divulge."

"Okay." I wasn't sure if this was quite the victory Jacob had been looking for. Carlisle would essentially be free to live his life, albeit under a pseudonym and in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere.

"I don't think we have anything to charge Isabella Swan with, but that remains to be determined after we question all of the others we currently have in custody. There has been a failed attempt to locate one Garrett Russo, alias the Garrotter. Any ideas?"

I coughed. "Deceased, I believe. Shot in a warehouse raid."

Black's fingers drummed over the top of the table. "You know everything and yet nothing, Masen. How is that possible?"

"Rumors, sir. I kept my head down and overheard a bunch of rumors, but that's all just speculation."

"You and I both know what we did wrong with this investigation. Don't we?" He looked at me steadily, and I didn't know if he truly knew what I had done, but I wasn't about to open my mouth and incriminate myself. "Between the two of us, if Bill makes any effort to audit my case notes, I'll be in more trouble than you currently are. As it is, I'm going to take a sabbatical, and you will accept the suspension I hand you without complaint."

"Yes, sir."

He groaned and sat back in his chair. "I hate this, Masen, just so we're clear. Sixty days on the bricks. I don't want to see your face or hear your name."

"Yes, sir."

"Dismissed."

I went home, packed my bags, and sat at my computer to look into flights home. I made a simple dinner and tried not to miss the apartment on the other side of town or the mansion that held too many memories to count. I watched the evening news to replace the look on Bella's face as I pushed off the wall at the diner and walked away without a word. I laid in bed and thanked God that the only punishment I'd received was a suspension, and vowed to find a new career path during my two months back home.

I knew I would spend the rest of my life punishing myself for all that I'd done.

* * *

 **No solid evidence against Edward unless Bella decides to spill, and vice versa. I know that Jasper hasn't said to us what his evidence is, but I also know hearsay isn't enough to put Carlisle in the position of needing to make a deal. Another aspect you'll have to trust me on. If you haven't been reading me long enough for me to have earned your trust, I know it's a bit of a leap of faith, but I've got you.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Ready to meet Victoria?**

* * *

 _Will the faithful be rewarded when we come to the end_

 _Will I miss the final warning from the lie that I have lived_

 _And I am not worthy, I am not worthy of this_

 _Stay with me, don't let me go, because there's nothing left at all_

 _I am still calling to you_

 _~ Breaking Benjamin, Ashes of Eden_

* * *

 **When I tried to pick up the pieces.**

Chicago was everything and nothing I had hoped. It looked the same, smelled the same, but it didn't feel the same. I was in desperate need of that nostalgic feeling of belonging that one got when returning home. It was mocking me, this city I'd spent most of my life living in. It was all wrong.

My parents met me at the airport, despite me begging them to stay home and let me rent a car. My mother looked the same as the last time I'd seen her, with hair the same shade of mostly brown with red highlights that she paid a lot of money to maintain. She had a team of beauticians that ensured she never aged. Father looked similar, but I could actually see the passage of time on his features. A touch of gray throughout his almost black hair made him look somehow smarter. His face was angular, long and rectangular. I inherited his jaw and cheekbones, much to the delight of the girls I'd gone to high school with. It was something they never failed to remark upon when they met my father. He looked an entire year older, like he'd actually had a birthday since I'd last been here.

"Edward, it's so, so good to see you!" Mom exclaimed. She never spoke in a normal tone of voice; she was perpetually overzealous.

"Hello, Mother." I greeted her with a hug.

"Edward," my father nodded at me as I let go of my mother and stepped over to hug him. "How are you, honestly?" He clapped me on the back as he asked.

"Honestly? Glad to be home. Really glad this case is over."

Mom gasped for effect. "Was it dangerous?"

"All of my cases are dangerous, Mom. That's why I'm undercover."

"Oh!" She clutched at her necklace, running her hand over the chain. Her face looked pinched, but I couldn't quite discern the emotion she was going for. _Too much Botox_.

"We're happy to have you back," Dad said.

"Victoria, Katherine, and Margaret are going to be at the house in time for dinner," Mom added with a smile.

"That's great, thanks for inviting them."

She chuckled. "As though I could keep them away from their Edward."

I laughed a little, though it felt forced. It was like I was in a strange land, one not fraught with danger around every corner. The air tasted different, there was no rain in sight, and I suddenly felt like a foreigner.

It was better once we reached the house. The familiar surroundings gave me a sense of comfort. I unloaded my bags in my old room, the one they kept ready for me because I always came back after a case was finished to prove to them that I was in one piece.

"Junior?" I heard from the staircase. There was only one person in the world allowed to call me that.

"Katie?" I called back.

Three females appeared in my room, and I felt the final piece click into place. "My harem!"

They each laughed in their own way. "You're such an ass," Katie commented.

"But you love me," I returned. I looked at Victoria. "How have you been, Vicky? I missed you."

"I missed you too, Uncle Edward!" she said, jumping up and down a little.

"Maggie," I greeted her, pulling her in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"What, I don't get one?" Katie grumbled.

"You called me an ass, remember?" I teased, going over and giving her a big hug and lifting her off the ground. "And I even let you call me Junior without complaint!"

"But you are a junior," Vicky piped up, her nose wrinkled. I tweaked it.

"Yes, but it's not my name. I don't call you Red, even though you have red hair."

She giggled and held her arms up for me to pick her up. "Like Mom."

I looked at Maggie's curly red hair. "Yeah, like your mom."

Katie put her arm around me. "So, brother dear, I hear our mother's making your favorite." She laughed. Mom thought whatever she chose to make was my favorite. It was always something different.

"What's it this time? Chili? Steaks? Roast turkey?"

The three of them laughed at me. Maggie shrugged. "Who knows, as long as I'm not having to cook."

Katie gave her a high five. "Amen to that."

The four of us went downstairs to see when dinner would be ready. Dad was out on the deck, so I let the women gather in the kitchen and hoped I wasn't making a sexist ass of myself by retreating.

"Hey," I greeted him as I closed the sliding door behind me.

He looked up from the book he was reading as I joined him in an Adirondack chair. "Are you really doing well, or was that for your mother's benefit?"

He had a keen eye. "I'm… okay. It feels strange to be here. Normally I enjoy coming here for at least a few days after a case, but it feels alien this time. I got so entrenched in this last job that it felt too real."

He squinted at me. "That's not good."

I shook my head. "No. I was suspended for sixty days. I'm going to turn in my badge, Father."

He sat up even straighter in his chair. "Why?"

"It's not right for me anymore." I was silent for a minute as I gathered my thoughts, and he gave me time to do so. "I did some things, witnessed some things, pushed some limits. It helped in the long run, or that's what I kept telling myself. I had to be real careful when I gave my report to my superior, and that's just not what I swore to do. That's not what the oath is all about."

"I can understand your feelings, I think. Of course, I've never been in your shoes, but I know what you're saying. You went above and beyond to end this case, but the methods you utilized are weighing on your conscience."

My father was the CEO of a homebuilding corporation. He was smart and savvy, but he had no idea what I went through on a regular day to day basis. Still, I knew he meant well, and that if anybody understood me, it was him.

"I need to decompress and decide where to go from here. I have that sixty days, I guess. Then I'll go back, talk to Jacob, and formally tell him I'm done." I ran my hands over my face, felt the stubble that was growing back. "I just don't have a clue what I'm going to be when I grow up."

"I know that the answer is no, but I'm offering just the same. My door is always open, if you ever become desperate."

I grinned at him in thanks. It wasn't the first time he'd offered, or the first time I'd declined. "How are Katie and Maggie doing?"

"Working on a boy."

My brow went up. "Like, they're special ordering XY chromosomes?"

"Like that, yes."

"Huh."

"Yep."

"Well, they've done a wonderful job with Vicky." My niece was five, and I knew that my sister and her wife had been trying for a few years to get pregnant again. Maggie had carried Victoria, and used her eggs. This time, they wanted to use Katie's eggs and she would carry the baby. It hadn't been working out very well the last I heard. Something about a hostile environment, whatever the hell that meant.

"Kate has had several medical procedures to fix the issues she was having, so they believe they're ready to proceed." My father settled back in his chair with his book.

"That's great news." I'd have to remember to congratulate them later.

"Mmhmm."

Dad was mostly tuned out now, which was fine. I stared out at the backyard and tried to use the relentless green as a blank slate to clear my mind. It worked well enough that by the time Mother called us in for dinner, I was calm and happy.

Vicky sat next to me, talking the entire time about how excited she was that school was starting soon. She had so many friends going to the same school, and her chatter was easy to focus on instead of any nagging feelings that tried to creep in. My sister challenged me in air hockey, so we spent the time after dinner in the basement playing games. We traded off playing the winner, and I realized I really needed the silliness and fun with my family. Victoria wasn't too bad at the game, so I went a little easy on her to see if she could win a time or two. It made her so incredibly happy to be the winner. It was easy to be her age. The only thing expected of her was to be nice, and to go to school and learn to read. Nobody was demanding life and death decisions, and nobody was tempting her to go astray. I wished for a moment to be her age again, but that wasn't how it worked, of course. There was no use in being melancholy over no longer being a five year old. Not to mention I got in a lot of trouble at that age, if I was remembering correctly.

"Ha! Beat you again, Uncle!"

I grinned at her and picked the puck out of the slot on my side of the table. "You're right, pipsqueak. Good job."

"You're too lost in your own thoughts to even realize that you are letting her win," Katie murmured from next to me.

I shot her a look that said to shut the hell up. "She's getting good," I said defensively.

Vicky giggled and even Maggie snickered. Yeah, okay, so a five year old was kicking my ass because my head was in the clouds.

We called it a night very shortly after that. The pipsqueak had a bedtime to adhere to, and as much as I loved them, I needed a bit of solitude before I went to sleep myself. I said goodbye to them at the door, Mom and Dad right behind me. The pair of them went to their room for the evening, and I went upstairs to mine.

With the door closed and the silence moving in, I suddenly wanted to take it all back; every time I asked for peace or solitude, every time I hurried someone out the door to be alone. I must not have known what I was asking for, because the lack of noise created a vacuum in my brain and I couldn't handle it. I flipped on the TV for companionship and marveled at how pathetic I was.

I missed her. There was no way around it, I missed Bella. Her wit, her snark, her refusal to back down. The way she cried over criminals because they were family to her. The way she took out the threats to her family without a second thought. It was ruthless, but there was something about it that I admired. So what the hell did that make me? The fact that at times I could rationalize, empathize, and reason away the criminal activities Bella either committed or participated in, made me question everything about my beliefs.

I didn't think I could become a paper pusher in my father's company. I didn't have it in me. I wanted to make a difference, to change someone's circumstances for the better. Why else had I chosen law enforcement? Why else had I balked at Bella's crime sprees? And yet, in the end, I'd caved and let her have her way. I'd heard by now the gruesome details of what happened to Emmett, and I knew without a single doubt that it was Bella. They couldn't prove it, though God knew the suits were pushing Jacob to charge her with anything they could. _Tax evasion_ , I thought wryly.

Alone in my old bed, in my parents' oversized house, I thought of growing up here with Katie. All I'd wanted was to save the world. I always played the sheriff, the knight to her princess, the superhero. My sister urged me to join the local police force, to stick near the family. When she married Maggie, she begged me to come back to Chicago permanently. Katie wanted me here near her children, because she always knew she'd be a mother in one way or another. That was her goal, for us to raise our kids together. She was a family counselor, the type that helped couples stay together and work through their differences. She counselled bullied teens and introverted adults. She was a wonder, my Katie, and she was raising a great kid. How could I tell her that I wasn't going to have a family? How could I look her in the eyes and tell her I was still the good guy she'd known me to be our whole lives? If she knew half the things I'd done, I feared she'd send me packing back to Seattle. She wouldn't want me anywhere near her precious, beautiful Victoria.

I found myself in my dad's study raiding his liquor stash. I couldn't deal with the reality of my life at this stage. I didn't know what it would take to put the pieces back together, but I needed to figure it out, and fast. I didn't want to know what would become of me if I didn't.

* * *

 **So the harem is just his sister, her wife, and their daughter. I could have given him a girlfriend waiting back home for him to finish his case, but it wouldn't have fit his character to never have mentioned her to Bella, much less to be cheating on her.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Gentle reminder: In this story, Edward's parents are Elizabeth and Edward Masen, Sr.**

 ***I'm a big fan of the Rascal Flatts version of this song, but Aaron Lewis's (lead singer of Staind) acoustic cover is just outstanding.**

* * *

 _I would trade, give away, all the words_

 _That I saved in my heart, that I left unspoken_

 _What hurts the most was being so close_

 _And having so much to say_

 _And watching you walk away_

 _And never knowing what could've been_

 _~Aaron Lewis, What Hurts the Most_

* * *

 **How I became truly fulfilled in my life.**

Kate and I took Vicky to the park about a week after I'd returned. I was enjoying my downtime to an extent, but I also felt a sense of loss. I missed seeing Bella on a daily basis, and ran over the scenario at the diner in my head on repeat. What I should have said, what I should have done. I wished there had been a way to convince Bella that the life she was determined to lead was not the only one available to her. I wanted her to see that she could step away and do other things, though I had no idea what employable skills she possessed. According to her, her father had left her money so she would be able to set up a household without an immediate job. I knew that in the end it didn't matter. I tried to convince myself that I was brooding over a relationship that never actually existed except in my imagination. She hadn't wanted me in the end; all she really gave a shit about was running the Family.

Vicky ran off to the swings while Kate and I sat on a bench in the shade of a large poplar tree that blew in the wind over our heads. School was due to start in the next week, and the weather would begin its decline into a state of Narnia. Everyone had a purpose, a place to go and find their way in life, and I was in a state of limbo.

"I'm going to sell my condo," I said after a few minutes of sitting silently as I watched my niece run around.

I felt Kate shift to look at me. "That makes me happy. Why do you sound sad about it?"

I sighed and turned to face her, seeing the concern in her eyes. "Because I lived there for ten years, Katie. I went to college there, built a life there. It was my home."

She rested her hand on my arm and spoke quietly. "Then why the hell are you coming back?"

I found that I could no longer meet her keen gaze. "It's time to come home. I want something new, and I want to be here for Vicky as she grows."

"I want you here, too, so don't take my words the wrong way. If you were content there, how are you able to so easily give it up?"

I watched Vicky for a minute as she pumped her legs arrhythmically in her effort to get the swing going. "I never made friends in Seattle, Kat. Why is that? All I did was work and then come here after a case was complete. I made acquaintances, sure. I know my share of people, but I didn't make lasting friendships because I knew I'd have to disappear for untold lengths of time."

"I can see how that would be sensible, Edward. So then you should be excited to be coming back home, and yet you sound incredibly _un_ excited."

I thought about it for a few seconds, then decided if I couldn't trust my sister, who could I trust? "You have to keep this from Mom and Dad."

"Of course." Her hand rested on my arm again, warm and reassuring, though her attention was on her daughter.

"I got too involved with the subject of my case."

I saw her head whip around in my periphery. "How could you be so _stupid_?"

"Leave it to you to deal in honesty and bluntness." My voice was as dry as the late summer grass.

"Don't give me that pile of bullshit, Edward Masen. You're smarter than that, and I thought you were incredibly uptight and conscientious. So, should I repeat my question?"

I smiled at my baby sister, tucked a lock of her dark hair behind her ear, and kissed her cheek. "I fell in love with her."

It was a simple but true statement. I thought of Bella every moment of every day, no matter how vigorously I tried to expel the thought of her from my mind and my heart.

Katie tilted her forehead down and brought her fingers up as if to hold her head in place. Better than some, my sister understood falling in love with someone that society might tell her was inappropriate. "And how did you leave it with her?"

That brought a deep and ugly chuckle from me. "I left her at her home after she was injured. I saw her the next day at headquarters, but I didn't speak to her. She's a criminal, Katie, maybe not convicted, but a criminal just the same."

She hummed. "Meaning you can't have a life with her. I understand the problem. So what now?"

I didn't have an answer for her. That was what I'd spent every waking minute and several uncomfortable dreams worrying about. "I need to move on with my life. I'll sell the condo in Seattle and find something here, then give a go at a new career."

"Well, I do know of an empty office space available for lease."

"Momma! Look at me!"

Katie and I spent a few minutes watching Vicky play around on the balance beam before she moved on to the slides.

"Where is it?" I knew she would understand that I was continuing our conversation.

"In my building. You know what, I could really use a strong mediator for my worst case referrals. Someone that I know will be absolutely impartial in seeking an amiable outcome."

I chuckled. "Surely you're not suggesting that there are couples you can't fix?"

She groaned. "Sometimes. I'm not a miracle worker."

"Not possible."

Kate punched my shoulder. "Thanks, but even I can't fix every relationship. I've heard some complaints about the guy I used to refer my clients to, and I'd rather find someone else. You don't have to stick to divorces, you can mediate contract negotiations and other financial agreements."

I thought about it. I had a law degree as well as a degree in criminal justice. At one time I thought I'd become an assistant district attorney, but I decided law enforcement was what I wanted instead. "I'll consider it."

"In the meantime, you could look into charity work."

"Like Meals on Wheels?" I wrinkled my nose.

"Maybe. I can see the blue-hairs loving you." Kate laughed riotously and squeezed my bicep. I swatted her away.

"I guess. I've never felt like I was in the right place financially to donate a decent sum to charity."

"It doesn't have to be a lot, or even money. Your time could be helpful at many types of charities."

She was right. More than that, I could atone for my sins by serving others. As our afternoon ended and we parted ways, I thought of all that Kate had said. I had the degrees to do the job, if not the experience. I had a little money saved up, and I could use that to start up a business. It would take time to apply for the necessary paperwork and licenses, but the start up costs should be minimal. If the office was furnished, all the better, but I was positive I could tackle that as well, maybe with Mom's assistance.

My parents had taught me to minimize my liquid assets and invest as often as I could. The interest on returns was worth not having ready cash. Mom and Dad had worked hard to build their business, starting from the ground up and working side by side for more than twenty years to make it what it was. We had never been rich kids spoiled with _things_ , instead being spoiled with time and attention when our parents weren't at work. Kate and I had a great childhood, and I always practiced the same type of work ethic as my parents. I had a high GPA in high school, a scholarship to the university in Washington, and spent many years studying the law and taking criminal justice classes. When I graduated, my parents hoped I'd become a lawyer, successful and happily married with kids by the time I was twenty-five. My plans weren't quite that cut and dry, but they'd been happy for me as long as I was happy. That was typically their stance.

I spent my days looking into what I needed to begin again. I signed a lease for the empty office in Kate's building. I established a limited liability company, took the steps to become an officially recognized professional mediator, and then I took out ads to promote my business. I knew Kate would send me who she could, but that wouldn't sustain me forever. I needed big corporations to take an interest in me, and judges to take notice of my services and recommend clients to me.

Needless to say, I had a lot of downtime in my empty office when I first opened for business. After I'd rearranged the potted plants Mom foisted on me for the tenth time, I sat down and did what I said I would. I researched local charities and picked a few to visit: disabled veterans, battered women, orphanages, and victim's advocates. It was overwhelming, and I wanted to help them all. The first thing I did was write a modest check to each of those that I was most interested in. I had to do something, and that was the immediate relief for my guilty conscience. Then I figured it wouldn't hurt to take the checks in personally.

Each person needed something, each group of people had a story that made me tear up. The children with their sad faces that nonetheless met each day with cheerful optimism. The men and women that felt a calling to protect and defend, something that I understood and respected, that came back with bodies that were not quite whole but with a drive that could not be brought low for long. Women that had been taken advantage of in more ways than one, that felt like they had no alternative options. Many of them had kids and only found the courage to finally get out of their situation for the sake of those children. And then the families of crime victims; what was left after violence had taken a life was a broken family that needed answers to heal. They couldn't pay the legal fees to pursue civil cases, or they needed a pro-bono attorney to step up and serve them. The victim's advocates were wide ranging in age and circumstance, often the extended family hoping to assist the immediate family. They held prayer vigils, they visited law offices, they sent out pamphlets with information about victim's rights. Their earnestness sent white hot guilt stabbing through my gut.

I needed to help all of them. _Needed_ in a way I had never needed to do something before in my life. I was compelled to help, and it was no longer about the guilt I felt, but about a duty to help those that weren't as lucky as me and Katie had been in our lives. I was grateful to her for her suggestion, and I even prodded her to join me. I managed to extract a promise from her that she and Maggie would join me after Vicky was in school and they could work a break into their schedules. I had finally found a purpose, a peace within myself, and I would convince the world to help in my endeavor if I could. Not surprisingly, Mom and Dad were on board to volunteer as well. They supported more than one charitable organization as it was, and as soon as I pointed out the needs of the one I was involved in, they felt the compulsion that I did to donate time and money to get them off the ground and moving in the right direction. It was the right thing to do, but I enjoyed my time there as well. Faces and stories were becoming familiar as I arrived at the shelter every Wednesday without fail. My new company was slow to get off the ground, but I did have clients a few days a week. I set aside Wednesdays without any meetings so I could go and be Vincent de Paul for the day.

Just a year ago, I hadn't intended to change course so drastically. I hadn't expected to sell my condo in Seattle and live with my parents in Chicago. I hadn't expected to take the money from the sale of said condo and donate it. I hadn't expected to work closely with my sister to become a volunteer at a women's shelter. All it had taken was the tiny nudge from Katie to show what I needed to do with the rest of my life.

And I found I was truly fulfilled.

* * *

 **Edward needed a little journey of self discovery. He may have failed as a federal officer, at least in his mind, but he's a good man at the core and needed a reminder of that.**

 **Vincent de Paul is the patron saint of all works of charity.**


	24. Chapter 24

**It seems like most of you are proud of Edward's accomplishments. In case it isn't clear when he speaks about the time that's passed, it's been three months.**

* * *

 _My soul surrenders and you bring my heart to its knees_

 _And I know it's wrong and I know it's right_

 _Even if I try to win the fight, m_ _y heart would overrule my mind_

 _I'm not strong enough to stay away_

 _In your presence my heart knows no shame_

 _~Apocalyptica, Not Strong Enough_

* * *

 **When the carefully crafted life I'd built went to shit. Again.**

Despite the fact that my life was coming together in a good way, I kept Bella at the back of my mind. Okay, sometimes she was squarely at the forefront. I wanted her, despite focusing on myself and my new achievements. In spite of my promise to myself to go back to Seattle to turn in my resignation personally, and to oversee the selling of my condo, I couldn't do it in the end. I stayed in Chicago and used my new business as an excuse, calling Jacob on the phone when my sixty days were up. He understood my position on the matter and accepted an email with my resignation. I'd left my official identification, badge, and service weapon behind while I was suspended, so there was nothing left for me in Seattle. I knew that it was a lie, of course; there was plenty left for me in Seattle, aside from the fact that I would have to attend Jasper's hearing, and that's why I hadn't been able to go back. If I went, I knew I would cave and try to see her and find out what she was up to, but I also knew she was no good for me. There were just some things you had to let go in life, and for me, it was her.

My mediation company, Masen Mediation and Arbitration Services, was growing. I'd scored a contract with a local business to assist in negotiations with their mergers and acquisitions of smaller entities. It was going to be profitable when they got around to sending someone my way. I'd seen a handful of Kate's clients a few times each. One couple realized they wanted to reconcile after all, and went right back to Kate. One had gone through with the dissolution of their marriage with my ideas and suggestions to make sure each party received a fair deal, and the other was still in the middle of the mediation process.

True to their word, Katie and Maggie had joined me at the women's shelter. I thought long and hard about going back to the victim's advocates organization, but in the end I preferred donating money to their cause and referring pro bono attorneys when I came across them. The women and children at the shelter became a sort of secondary family to me. Occasionally they moved on, finding a relative to take them in, or even better was when they'd saved enough money to find a place of their own. Some of these women needed counselling, and Kate agreed to volunteer her time to give relief to the small number of counselors already on staff. Maggie was a real estate agent, and she threw her hat in the ring to helping women find good deals on rentals when the time came. Mom and Dad were talking about adding on to the shelter or finding a bigger location. Many of the women without children were sharing rooms, and they thought they had some ideas on how to fix that.

This facility was newly acquired, and I had yet to meet the founder of the charity. I heard that she opened it with money from an inheritance, and that the work they did there was close to her heart. There was a plaque in the family area to commemorate the opening with the name of the shelter on it, but the owner wasn't listed by name, just by initials. I wanted to meet her and congratulate her on doing a fine job for a first time foundation, but I hadn't had the chance. The women were happy, some of them for the first time in forever, and they were safe. Some of them had yet to bring themselves to speak to me or Dad, and those were the ones that broke my heart. To have been so abused in life that they couldn't even trust a male to be in the same room as them made me ache for their future.

I was working on reviewing my finances after the sale of my condo in Seattle, and I was leaning toward donating the entire amount my parents said it would cost to provide the shelter with a new wing for bedrooms. The old bedrooms would be converted into a play area after knocking down the dividing walls. Dad insisted that I shouldn't offer up so much money, and informed me he'd heard that the founder and the board of directors were going to hold a charity dinner and silent auction to raise the required funds. He'd been looking for builders to donate their time, but even so, the materials had to be paid for, and so did the permits through the city. I figured I could go to the dinner at the least, pay for a plate, and maybe bid on something frivolous to help out.

I hadn't found a place to live yet. I was still hanging out with good old Mom and Dad. Despite Maggie showing me several places that should have been perfect for me, I couldn't find the interest to give a damn about any of them. None of them felt right. They didn't say _home_ to me when I walked in the door. I was content to stay with my parents for now, to run my business, and continue my charity work. Kate was expecting, no small feat for her, and she and Maggie wanted me to live nearby. It would be my greatest joy to be a full-time uncle, a small business owner, and to give of myself to charity. I was still paying penance. I understood in my heart that was what it was, but it felt good. Regardless of the reasons behind my decisions, they were right for me, and they were smart.

I pulled out the old tuxedo that I'd worn as best man in my sister's wedding and took it to the dry cleaners for a freshening up. My mother was a fan of moth balls, and they didn't lend a clean and fresh smell to things. Maggie offered to set me up with someone she knew from work for this charity benefit thing, but I wasn't interested. I could admit to myself that it was because I harbored feelings for Bella, but I didn't have to say it out loud to my sister-in-law. I simply told her I was too busy to be interested in getting involved with a woman at that time. Maggie informed me that I was the talk of her office ever since she told her coworkers that she'd gotten involved in a women's shelter with her wife and brother-in-law. Then questions about me had apparently abounded, where I had no doubt she exaggerated my attributes. Several women were disappointed that I wasn't looking for a date to the dinner, or anywhere else for that matter.

When the evening arrived, Dad escorted Mom to their car and I decided to drive separately. I had no idea when they'd be ready to go, and I didn't want to rely on them for a ride back home. I wasn't particularly interested in drinking, so I didn't need to worry about calling a cab, either. Mom looked lovely in her semi-formal dress, my dad in a tux very much like any other. I was proud of them for joining me in this new adventure, but also for embracing it much the same way I had done. They didn't have to go above and beyond and make plans to improve the facility, neither did they have to pay the price of the donation to attend this dinner when they already put in plenty of time and money. I realized as I slid into my Volvo that I was _happy_. I didn't have everything I wanted out of life, but I had more than some, and more than I'd expected to have when I was smack dab in the middle of the Cullen case. There came a point in time when I expected to be facing a prison sentence, so the life I was leading instead was a blessing.

Despite being held at the Four Seasons, the venue was not over the top. There was a valet, and there were women dressed a little too fancy for what the invitations called for, but overall it was classy and exactly what I expected. There was a long table—or more likely several tables pushed together—exhibiting the items available for the silent auction along one wall. There were round tables scattered throughout with tablecloths and small purple and white centerpieces. My parents entered the room just in front of me and accepted a card from the greeter. When I gave my name and proof that I'd paid, I was given a similar card.

"What's this?" I asked Mom as I held up the cream-colored envelope.

She read over hers while I opened mine. "We have been invited to sit at a VIP table with several other major donors."

"Oh, that's nice." I scanned the area for Kate and Maggie. "There are the girls," I said, pointing at a rectangular table near the podium for Mom and Dad's benefit. Kate's dress was red and a little flowy, hiding her tiny baby bump. Maggie was dressed in midnight blue, sequins practically winking at me with the lights shining off them when she moved.

We made our way over to them, and Kate held up a place card from the table they were standing in front of. _Honored Guest Katherine Masen-Clarke_ , it read. "I'm a very important person."

I snickered at her. "Don't feel too impressed, because so am I."

I glanced at the other place cards on the table, and saw that it was pretty much my family and myself. There was a name I didn't recognize, but then I recognized one name in the way that you recognize a brick smacking you in the face; it came on hard and painful. _Honored Guest Felix Romanov_.

"Edward?" Maggie asked, her hand on my forearm.

I looked up and blinked to clear the confusion and focus on her round face and red curls. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" Her voice was low and concerned. I chanced a flick of the eyes to Katie and saw that she was talking to our parents.

"Um, yeah. It's just that I know that guy from Seattle."

"Oh." She frowned, and I didn't blame her for the confusion. So what if some guy I knew was there?

There was a tapping on a microphone, and everyone turned to face the podium. A man stood there, gray haired and formally dressed in his tux. "Ladies and gentlemen, please don't hesitate to bid on the silent auction items on display along the side of the room. Dinner will be served in approximately ten minutes."

He walked away, to a hallway that led to a back area of the ballroom. I suddenly had a raging need to follow and see what was back there. I excused myself from my family, ignoring their questions about where I was going. The back area he'd disappeared to was the kitchen, judging by the smell of meat cooking and the noise level. There was wait staff and chefs, some in suits and dresses and so many freaking bodies that I couldn't tell who might be back there. A familiar tingling had begun low at the base of my spine, but it made no sense. I was all the way in Chicago fucking Illinois, not Washington State. There was no way in hell Felix Romanov should be here. There was no way in _fucking_ hell he was here with Isabella goddamn Swan. _No way in hell_.

"Ladies and gentlemen, dinner is served. If you would please take your seats."

No. I wasn't ready to take my motherfucking seat. I wasn't ready to face that massive behemoth of a motherfucking bodyguard, to see if my intuition was correct. I was sure as hell not ready to face my family with what must be a crazed expression covering my face.

"Sir, are you lost?"

I looked down at the petite woman that had asked the question. No, I wasn't lost. At least I didn't think I was lost, but maybe I was found. Fuck, I wasn't even making sense in my own mind. I shook my confused head and made my way back to the ironically titled VIP table. Why was Felix a VIP? It didn't make any sense. As I rounded the corner to the main area with all the tables, I spotted someone else I recognized across the room. He was standing outside a closed door near the area with the podium, and I immediately froze. On instinct, my hand went to the service weapon I no longer carried and I cussed.

He must have spotted me as well, because he nodded almost imperceptibly. Tall as fuck, possibly taller than Felix, with coffee-colored skin and beefy arms crossed over his chest. His nickname in the Cullen Family mob was Titan. He was here, and Felix was sitting at our family table. That cursed buzzing ran up my spine in warning of something, but what, I wasn't sure. There shouldn't be any danger, even if for some reason Bella was there. Jacob promised to tell me if Jasper or Carlisle or any of the other more dangerous players made it out of prison, or if one of them made it known what my true identity was. Last I heard, Jasper and someone named Carmen had testified against Carlisle in the shooting death of Gianna. Carmen was a maid that had been let go because she became involved with Jasper. She corroborated Jasper's claim that Carlisle shot Gianna in the study of their home after confronting her with her infidelity. It was ironic to me that he killed her for cheating, but continued to raise her bastards, never telling them who they were until the end.

I kept walking, dropping my gaze to the pattern on the slate blue carpet. Conversation flowed around me, but there was a swarm of bees in my ears. Possibly in my stomach, too, like I'd swallowed the hive and they were trying to escape. I sat, stony-faced and slightly nauseous. Kate spoke in my ear, but I couldn't piece together what she said. I picked up my water glass and drank deeply, watching the door that Titan was apparently guarding. I felt the presence of Felix down on the other side of my mother, the weight of his very existence heavy between my shoulder blades. His death-warmed-over voice was unmistakable as he spoke to her, and I wanted to grab her and snatch her up, haul her out of this room and away from the potential danger. I leaned forward far enough that I could see past her to his massive form and gave him a death glare. When he met my gaze, there was nothing but a serene passivity as he continued to converse with Mom like nothing was amiss.

I couldn't possibly have heard the door open from across the room over the din of the other attendees, but my head snapped in that direction as though it was the loudest sound in the building. It _was_ her. She stole my attention and my breath, and all thoughts fled my brain as she stepped out in a glittering black dress and walked to the microphone.

She looked like walking sex, unsurprisingly. Fuck, the ungodly things I'd do to get stuck in a dark room with her. I wanted that deep red lipstick smeared all over my face… and other body parts.

 _Forgive me, father, for I must sin._

Yeah, I knew it was all about to go to shit again, but I couldn't quite find it in myself to care.

* * *

 **How many of you put it together when I said her initials were on the plaque and that she used an inheritance to start the charity?**


	25. Chapter 25

**Even though I think you all understand what type of charity Bella is running, I want to give a trigger warning for the discussion of domestic violence and sexual assault.**

* * *

 _I said I didn't feel nothing, baby, but I lied_

 _I almost cut a piece of myself for your life_

 _I was just another pit stop 'til you made up your mind_

 _You just wasted my time_

 _Falling for you was my mistake_

 _~ The Weeknd, Call Out My Name_

* * *

 **When the rest of my night went well.**

I didn't know if I should want to want her as much I did. I didn't feel any sense of shame or regret for the level of need surging through me. The warmth that washed up my spine replaced the earlier buzzing until every nerve ending in my body was straining toward her. Toward Bella. She moved gracefully to the podium and stood silently looking at her audience for a moment. My stupidity sort of hit me in that moment; the Cygnet Foundation, founded by I.M.S. Why hadn't I put those things together? Because I didn't expect her to be in Chicago, sure, but it would have registered if I'd paid attention at all. So Bella ran a women's shelter in my hometown. There was no way that was a coincidence.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Isabella, and I am the founder of the Cygnet Foundation. First off, I would like to thank you for your generosity in donating to our foundation. We're currently working toward a goal of expanding the living quarters for the women we help. I had no idea when I began this project that we would have such a need, but I find myself determined to provide the best space for them that I possibly can. The Masen family has generously donated their services through their company, Masen Homebuilders, to draw plans and estimate costs for the expansion. Let's give them a round of applause for going above and beyond."

There was polite applause as Bella looked at my parents and never diverted her gaze to me. I watched her take a deep breath, her shoulders straightening as she stood taller. Kate leaned toward me until her arm was pressed up against mine as she gave all of her attention to the woman I thought to never see again.

"I didn't expect this charity to take off quite the way it has, but I should have realized. You see, I know how it feels to be sexually assaulted by a man two or three times your size. I know what it feels like to be stuck in a situation not entirely of your own making, unsure how it devolved into what it is, and no clue how to escape. I understand the struggle to be your own person, to be validated as a human and not simply a vessel used for someone else's rage or satisfaction. While I was fortunate enough to have a few people in my corner to turn to when it all became too much, these women have never had that. Some feel too embarrassed to turn to family members who told them all along that their relationship was toxic. It's hard to hear that when you're in the romance stage. It's harder yet to accept that you were wrong, and they were right. Many abused women will stay in the toxic relationship instead of asking for help from those that would sooner say I told you so. Twenty-two million women in the United States have been raped in their lifetime. Sixty-four percent of women who reported being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked since age eighteen were victimized by a current or former husband, cohabiting partner, boyfriend, or date. Less than _half_ of those occurring domestically are reported to the police. Rape victims often experience anxiety, guilt, nervousness, phobias, substance abuse, sleep disturbances, depression, alienation, sexual dysfunction, and aggression. They often distrust others and replay the assault in their minds, and they are at increased risk of future victimization. These statistics are hard to hear, and even harder to be the one included in these numbers, but there is something we can do about it. At the Cygnet Foundation, each woman can stay as long as she needs. We have counselors on staff able to help with both the women and the children. We have doctors and nurses that volunteer their time. We have strict security measures in place that prevent abusive partners from gaining entry should they find out someone they know is at our shelter. All visitors are verified against the list of names provided for us from the women before they are let past the second set of doors. Anyone on that list is not permitted entry. Anyone without proper identification is not permitted entry." She paused and looked around the room. "Some of you, especially those at our VIP table, spend hours upon hours inside the facility and still haven't met or even seen all of the women. The bedrooms have locks on them, so that until they are comfortable around strangers, they have somewhere to go where they feel protected. That's what we strive for; all of the women to be recognized for their individual needs. They are unique, and we treat them as such. Since opening our doors sixty days ago, we have graduated three families. They are eligible to return at any time for counselling services or to visit those they made friends with during their stay. Please, consider writing a tax-deductible check or bidding on the silent auction items. What we're doing here is important work, and you have the power to help these women and children shape their lives into what they wish them to be. Thank you."

My head dropped as she moved, my place card blurring in front of me. _Honored Guest Edward Masen, Jr._ She had to have known I was volunteering at her charity. I signed in each time, handed over my license for photocopying the first time, and my name was on the guest list for tonight. Fuck, my dad's name was all over the building plans she approved, and it's my name, too. Why did she never think to confront me?

"I hope your evening has been enjoyable," I hear in her sultry voice. My head snaps up and she's at the other end of the table speaking to my mother. Felix and Titan are standing with her, looking less subtle than before. "These gentlemen are on the board of directors. Lucas, Felix, this is Mrs. Masen of Masen Homebuilders." I suddenly understood why there was a place card for Lucas Dixon; that was Titan's real name.

As my mother giggled like a schoolgirl while being introduced to those two, I made a mad dash for the men's room. With my focus on making it to the doorway without vomiting, I failed to hear the loud clicking of heels rapidly following me until it was too late.

What the fuck kind of cop was I that a woman not trying to hide her presence just snuck up on me? _Oh right, the kind that quit._

"Why are you running, Masen?"

Her words weren't all that loud, but she was so close behind me that I felt her body heat. She followed me into the bathroom and checked both stalls for feet. When she was satisfied that they were empty she locked the door and leaned against it.

"I wasn't running. Maybe I just had to take a piss."

I smirked at her while I scrutinized her. She looked the same: long brown hair curling past her shoulders, huge dark eyes darting back and forth like a frightened doe, and creamy thighs exposed by the high slits on either side of her dress. My pants tightened as if on impact.

"Okay, then, have at it." She waved in the direction of the urinals.

"I can't go with you watching me."

"Of course not."

"Why are you here?" I couldn't keep up the charade and the words came tumbling out. "Why did you choose Chicago of all the cities in the world? Are you running the Family? Are Felix and Titan here to do your dirty work while you keep up this persona?"

Her expression changed from one of mild amusement to enragement. "You always assumed the worst about me, didn't you?"

"You never gave me a reason not to," I countered loudly.

Her hands fidgeted and I wanted to take them in mine and soothe them until she was no longer nervous. Instead, I paced back and forth in the small space and ran my hands through my hair as I tried to work out what was going on. "Why didn't you show yourself when you found out I was volunteering there?"

"I didn't know what to say. I don't know at this moment what to say, so how was I supposed to figure it out six weeks ago?"

"Did you intentionally follow me to Chicago?"

"Yes."

" _Fuck_." I hadn't expected her to just admit it out loud like that.

"Since I discovered your real name I have known where you were born and raised. I knew when you sold your condo. I knew when you started your own business, and I realized you had chosen to relocate and not just find a new job in Seattle."

I let out a short, humorless laugh. "So you're stalking me."

"No." Bella glared at me as I met her gaze. " _No_ , I'm not. I'm working up the nerve to approach you to start over. And it sucks being on this end of it, let me tell you. I told you once that I know how to hack computer systems, and that's what I did. I held on to the information I gleaned about you and then had alerts set up for certain changes."

"And none of those things made it clear I was trying to run far and fast in the opposite direction?" My voice was raised now, beyond frustrated and into matching rage.

"Yes, that's why it's been so hard to approach you. I didn't think you'd want me to walk right up to you while you were working with some of the women or playing with the children. That wouldn't have been appropriate."

"Fine, but what stopped you from calling me when you saw my name on the reservations for tonight? What stopped you from walking up to me at any point in time before your speech—where I learned more about you than in the nine fucking months we lived together—and saying, hey, it's been me all along running this charity you've devoted your life to." I had to stop just to breathe. I was surprised at how angry I was, at Bella and at myself.

"I lost my nerve. I was already a basket case knowing what I was going to say in front of a room full of strangers. I'm terribly sorry I didn't have the fortitude to confront you on top of it all." Her words trembled off her tongue at the end, and I felt it all come rushing back. Not simply lust, but _more_. I wasn't ready for those gentler emotions.

"And yet you told the room full of strangers a fact about yourself that you never bothered to share with me." Yeah, okay. I shouldn't make her trauma about me, but was she ever going to tell me? If I hadn't stumbled upon her charity, which was apparently God's own form of punishment, and I hadn't chosen to be at this event, when would she have told me?

"It's not easy to talk about, Edward."

"Ah, fuck, don't use my first name." It stirred things up to hear it in her mouth, things like my dick.

"What the hell should I call you?"

"Masen."

Bella shook her head. "You're all over the place."

"Can you blame me?"

"No, I suppose not." She pushed off the door, and I saw a stupid mental image of a line of men out in the hallway that had to pee.

"I don't know what to say or what to think. We aren't good for each other, that's why you put as much distance between us as you could while we were nearing the end of your plans. That's why I left the state at the end of my case, not just because I come here after every case to decompress, but to stay here even after my suspension was up."

"You were suspended?" She stopped in front of me, basically as tall as me in her heels, and I got a whiff of her perfume. Like a sensory memory, I needed her the way I remembered her. Tough as shit, not afraid of anybody, least of all herself, and too dangerous for me.

"Yeah. Why, did you hope I'd been fired?" I ran the backs of my fingers down her throat, and her eyes closed.

"I wasn't sure." She swallowed as my index finger traced her pulse. It thumped heavily under her skin.

"Mm." I ran out of words. White hot flames licked up from the balls of my feet on a journey up to my crotch. My muscles were straining with the discipline I was using not to jump her in a men's bathroom. My hand moved, seemingly without permission from my brain, and I traced the top of her sparkly dress. Her chest moved up and down rapidly as I avoided touching the skin above the fabric. Her eyes had slipped closed, and I studied the dark makeup that contrasted with her pale skin. Blue veins were visible around her eyelids, and I leaned in with the intent to kiss them, though God only knows why.

"Hey, you jacking off in there?" The shouting from the other side of the door was accompanied by a heavy pounding that caused Bella to jump back from me like a teenager caught by her parents.

"What if I am?" I called back, and Bella laughed lightly.

I knew that whatever spell was going on between us had been broken for the night. Reluctantly, I unlocked the door and opened it to a middle aged man with a gut hanging over his belt. Bella was standing quite close to me.

"Oh! Sorry, didn't realize you had company. Damn, I hope at least one of you finished."

I groaned and pushed my way past him to return to the dining room. My sister and sister-in-law would be more likely to search for me than my parents, so I looked for them first. When I spotted them dancing closely together, I veered off toward the table instead. I didn't realize I had company until I sat down and Bella sat in Kate's spot.

"I want to actually talk to you."

"Not here," I replied.

"No, not here. I don't know… I have a room here, for various reasons, but I don't want to ask you for anything that could be misconstrued."

I chuckled. It sounded bitter. "Like angry sex?"

She blushed. "Right."

"No, I don't think I'll join you in your hotel room, Bella." I searched until I spotted my parents talking to some people. Mom had her arm wrapped around Dad, her head tilted to lean on his bicep. His opposite hand was stroking up and down her bare arm. How had I missed these opportunities that my parents and sister had found? Bella was here with Titan and Felix, had been right under my nose and not said a word until she had no choice. She wanted nothing more than a quick fuck like old times, had even gotten a hotel room and asked me to join her. It pissed me off.

I turned to her. "Tell me, in your mind, what are we doing in that bed upstairs? Are we fucking nice and slow, or are you making me sweat for it? I can still picture your face when you come and the way you used to taste. Do you call out _my_ name when you let other men fuck you?"

The stunned look on her face quickly morphed into malice. "You know, I only bought this dress in the hopes you would be taking it off of me. I guess it's your loss."

Bella took off, and I do mean _took off_. She didn't walk gracefully or move along to mingle with the guests. She hurried to the double doors that led to the rest of the hotel and disappeared.

Yeah, that went well.

* * *

 **Sooo, how many of you are pissed at Edward, and how many are pissed at Bella? Two steps forward and three steps back.**

 **If you or someone you know is in need of help, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE(7233). If you would prefer online chat or want to help, their website is thehotline. org.** **The statistics Bella reads are current for the United States. I used the WINGS Program in Chicago as my inspiration for the Cygnet Foundation. Thanks to NKubie for bringing them to my attention.**


	26. Chapter 26

**So many different opinions on these two. Here's a nice, long chapter to get you stirred up again.**

* * *

 _What if I said I was built on bricks of carelessness and crumbs_

 _What if I said I would break your heart?_

 _What if I said I have problems that made me mean?_

 _Maybe you can see that I just may be too crazy to love_

 _Maybe you can stop before you start_

 _~Banks, You Should Know Where I'm Coming From_

* * *

 **When five words out of Bella's mouth fucked me up.**

I'm not as much of an ass as I can sometimes portray, so I got up and followed her. The thought circling in my head was, _what if she'd been sincere_? I had a bad habit of jumping to conclusions where she was concerned, but Bella had a bad habit of not correcting me. I had to practically push my way past other attendees to make it out of the ballroom, hoping to find her caught by the elevators. I spotted her, and relief made itself known with a rush of cold from my scalp to my ankles. I'd acted like an idiot, but I was knocked off guard at seeing her when I'd least expected it.

"Bella!" I called her name at just above normal level, trying not to attract undue attention. She didn't turn, but her shoulders tensed.

"Change your mind?" Her face and voice were devoid of emotion, and that was how I knew I'd truly fucked up.

"No." She did look up then, at me standing in front of her with my proverbial hat in hand. Her cheeks were wet. "I wanted to apologize for what I said back there, and ask if you would like to meet tomorrow or later this week?"

Bella didn't have any tells as far as I knew, but her jaw unclenched and I thought of it as a victory. "Tomorrow morning, here in the dining room."

"Breakfast?" I asked.

She nodded and the elevator dinged. She waited for the handful of people on board to step off, then went inside while I watched her. She was angry, I was sure of it, but then again, I was pretty sure I had more to be angry about than she did.

I only walked away once the doors closed behind her, back to the ballroom to tell my family I was leaving. I spotted Katie and Maggie standing by the VIP table with purses in hand.

"Hey," I said as I approached. "Are you leaving?"

"Yes. Have a good night." Maggie kissed my cheek.

"You know some of these people, don't you?" Katie asked instead of answering me, and I knew she didn't mean the other volunteers.

"Yes." I wasn't interested in elaborating at that point, especially since I saw Felix coming up on my left. "Goodnight, ladies. You looked great, and I love you."

Maggie practically had to drag Katie away because she clearly wanted to say more. Felix waited until they were completely out of the room before he rested his hands on the chairback nearest to me.

"Do you know what is stopping me from taking you into a back room and beating you senseless?" I didn't look at him, but at the podium where Bella bared her soul to a room full of strangers to raise funds for an important charity.

"Witnesses?"

"That, and the fact that I've promised Bella there will be no more violence in her life."

"Good for the both of you." I was done with being threatened by Bella's pseudo-lover, so I turned to go.

"She loves you, you giant dumbfuck."

I froze.

"She threw up on her dress when the reality of seeing and speaking to you hit her. I got a room for her to change and freshen up in, and she almost couldn't come down here. She doesn't like public speaking, but she likes it even less when it's personal, and knowing you and your family were here made it harder on her. I don't know what the two of you talked about in the bathroom, but you should listen to what she's trying to say. She deserves that much."

I moved then, my feet carrying me across the floor without much thought. Wove through the tables and the people, waved at my parents so they knew I was leaving, and kept moving. I had to wait at the valet station, and the air suddenly felt too chilled. It was ridiculous, because it was probably in the fifties, but I was freezing. I was more than happy when the valet returned with my car; I was freaking ecstatic.

I drove down the Magnificent Mile with the lights from the buildings blurring in my vision. There was no way that Felix was right. Bella had never loved me, never even gave the slightest hint that she had real feelings for me. I didn't know what her current game was, but I wanted nothing to do with it. I was in a good place, I was happy and busy and doing good things. One word from her could fuck all of that up. Fuck what she deserved, what did _I_ deserve?

I regretted leaving the hotel to a degree. Even after all this time, my body craved hers. I wondered what harm there would have been if I'd gone up to her room and let things go the way I assumed she'd meant. We'd always fucked like animals, the only time we got along and agreed on a concurrent path. It had been three solid months since I'd last seen her, longer than that since we'd last fucked. My cock was hard, probably angry at me for depriving him of his pleasure, and begging me to go back. My erection only got more painful, refusing to let up as I tried desperately to focus on something else. As soon as I made it into the house, I began picturing the two of us rolling around a huge white bed and things got out of control. I had to take a shower, stroking myself to images of her naked and spread out like the only time I'd gotten the chance to taste her pussy. The memory of the way she screamed when I bit down on her clit had me coming in hot spurts that coated my hand. I had to breathe deeply and support myself on the wall until I regained my bearings. Part of me knew it was right to have gone home, and other parts wished I'd stayed and followed through.

There was no pretending to sleep. I stayed awake, a drink in my hand and my gaze plastered to the window. The trees in my parents' yard blew in the breeze, and I stared at them until my eyes closed on their own and I dozed in the chair.

I'd made a promise of sorts to listen to what she had to say, so I got dressed for a breakfast date and left the house without speaking to my parents. The drive back to the hotel was filled with visions of Bella in her dress from the night before; it was a wonder I didn't get in a wreck. She couldn't have actually bought it with me in mind if she'd thrown up on the original dress like Felix claimed. That meant I'd shit on her attempts to 'start over' as she'd said in the bathroom, or whatever she'd intended. Just once, I wanted my head and my heart and my dick to be on the same page. One wanted me to never speak to Bella again, one wanted me to ravish her on the table at breakfast, and one wanted me to kidnap her and research sunny non-extradition countries.

My gut was a mess by the time I stepped off the elevator and into the lobby of the grand hotel. The bees were back from the night before, pissed as hell and stinging me. My throat was dry as I looked around at the luxurious marble and chandeliers on the off chance she was waiting for me out there. The furniture looked stiff and uncomfortable, and unoccupied. My hair was brutalized, having been pulled and mussed all night and this morning. My eyes were blurry from alcohol and lack of sleep. Overall, I was a winner that fine morning.

I approached the host's stand at the entrance of the dining room. Most of the tables were set extravagantly for breakfast service, the bucket chairs a pale gold and empty. There were maybe four diners, and I spotted Titan, or Lucas, coming toward me at the same time as the hostess.

"How may I help you this morning, sir?" she chirped. At least it sounded like a high pitched bird in my overwrought mind.

"He's with us," Lucas said politely, stopping a few feet away with his hands behind his back.

I smiled brightly at the hostess, hoping she would memorize my face in case this was the last time I was ever seen alive. "Yes, I'm with _Lucas Dixon_ and _Isabella Swan_." She frowned at me as I put emphasize on their names. "I'll just, I'm gonna sit. With them. Amber," I read from her name tag. I wanted to make an impression on her so that when my head was found in one duffle bag and my body another, she would remember who I'd last been with.

Fuck, I had to pull myself together.

I moved away from the nice lady that surely was looking for the nearest phone book to find me a looney bin, and followed Lucas to a table near the back. Not that surprisingly, Felix was sitting with Bella.

"Great. So now that the party of four is all together, what the fuck are we doing?"

" _You_ are shutting up and listening, Masen," Felix said as he stood. I refused to look up to the clouds his face hovered in, the fucking giant.

"Sure thing, Lurch."

He glared at me before moving a few tables down with Lucas. I watched them as they sat and picked up menus.

"Sit down, Edward, please."

 _Fuck_ , I hated the sound of my name in her mouth. I mean, I fucking loved it, but that was why I hated it. Her voice was like honeyed peaches, sweet and smoky, but smooth. I remembered everything about our time together as I sat and tried not to meet her gaze. I chose the chair across from her so that neither of us could touch the other.

"Good morning," she said quietly.

"Oh, now we're acting the part of polite strangers? Okay, as long as I know my role, I can play along." I turned over the empty coffee cup at my elbow. I might as well ask for a carafe, I was gonna need it.

"I just want to talk to you, Edward. I meant what I said last night, about starting over. I want to tell you everything so that you'll maybe understand why I am the way I am."

I stared at her then, which was maybe a mistake because she looked fucking edible. Her cheeks were a little flushed, her hair down. She was wearing a fitted shirt that could be described as purple with most of the pigment leached out. Her skirt was tight, long, and black leather. She sat back in her chair, pushed out from the table a little and looking like she still owned the world.

The waiter came over and offered me coffee, and I gladly accepted. He set down a menu and walked off, and I ignored that in favor of burning my tongue on scalding coffee.

"So your goons are here to make sure I listen?"

"No. They're my _friends_ , and they insisted on being here in case I had any issues similar to last night." She held my gaze directly, so it appeared to be the truth, at least as she knew it.

"Speaking of which. Felix stopped me before I left and told me about your… accident."

Her mouth tugged up at the corners, but it was a rueful smile. "I had two dresses, because I was worried about one ripping if I stepped on the hem or a zipper sticking. The first one was purple."

Ah, yes, the color for recognizing domestic violence. "So, if you didn't get the hotel room with the sole purpose of inviting me up, why in God's name did you make the offer?"

The waiter came back around, so I sat back against my own seat as he refilled our coffee cups. "We're going to need a bit before we're ready to order," I told him, and he moved away.

"I thought, perhaps foolishly, that we had built something while we were living together. A friendship, if nothing else. So my offer might have sounded rash, but it was well-intentioned."

"Then I apologize for making assumptions and hurting your feelings."

I saw how her defenses dropped in the way her whole face softened. Her jaw relaxed, she blinked several times, and she uncrossed her arms.

"I want to tell you a story," she said, picking up her mug and taking a sip.

"Go ahead."

"Charlie Swan and Carlisle Cullen were friends since high school. They were inseparable, and always had each other's back. My Grandfather Swan ran the Family back then, and Carlisle's father was the _consigliere._ Charlie was set up in an arranged marriage with Renée Higginbotham, a girl he knew from school, and he made sure to spend plenty of time with her. He didn't think it was right to marry her without courting her, romancing her, and ensuring she loved him by the time the vows were to be said. Carlisle was arranged with Gianna Asborno, but guess who he was in love with?"

I assumed it was a rhetorical question, so I drank more coffee instead of answering.

"By the time Charlie and Renée married, there were all kinds of sordid rumors. There was speculation that they engaged in threesomes, or that Carlisle and Renée were cuckolding Charlie. It only got worse when I was born. Plenty of people who had no business asking wanted to know if I was Charlie's or Carlisle's."

My eyebrows went up. It would certainly explain her crazy love for that man.

"As I grew older, it was pretty damn obvious I was Charlie's daughter. I look like him." She shrugged her shoulders. "The Cullen boys hit an age where their heritage was important to them. It was drilled into them by their mother that being a Cullen was very important, and that they commanded respect wherever they went. I never did like her."

"And their paternity?"

Bella laughed lightly. "When his father died of a stroke, Carlisle became obsessed with his health and had a very thorough check-up. Gianna was crowing about their first baby, their heir to the empire, and he was coming home to tell her he was unable to have children. He had her followed after that, discovered Gianna's lover—Jasper's father—and the man allegedly disappeared."

" _Allegedly_."

"He never told her he knew, thinking that her lover's rather gory death would be enough to deter her cheating, but, well. As we both know, Emmett existed, so it didn't work."

"And did Carlisle kill Gianna as Jasper and Carmen accused him?"

She smiled serenely. "That's the official charge, yes."

"That's the vaguest answer you've ever given me."

"Then those boys began to torture me," she continued as if I hadn't spoken. "I was the heir to something bigger and better than what awaited them. They made sure to put me down as often as possible. Daddy told his oldest friend that he had better do something about his boys or he would take care of it himself. That set them straight for a short while, but when my mother died in a car accident, they ramped up their torture. I was thirteen, and my father was in agony."

"He was distracted," I murmured. A little voice in the back of my mind wondered if Renée's accident had really been just that.

"Mm. They started pulling my hair, snapping my bra, cornering me and trying to kiss me or cop a feel. I left a massive handprint on Emmett's face once, and he just slapped me back. I had a black eye for over a week, but I told Daddy I'd walked into a door. He had enough to deal with."

"Why didn't you tell Carlisle?" It seemed like the obvious answer to me.

She sighed. "I did, and he reprimanded them, but he was grieving Mom, too."

"Shit." He was grieving another man's wife and letting his stepsons get away with sexual harassment.

"I decided to toughen the hell up right around the time I hit fifteen. I'd had enough of their taunting and harassment. I insisted that Daddy show me the business, and I taught myself how to hack. He and I became inseparable, and Carlisle sent his assholes to boarding school. Unfortunately, they spent that time bitter and looking for revenge. You know the story of them killing my father."

"I do."

The waiter popped up again, so I sighed and ordered something. Bella got a plate of toast, and I begged for more coffee. We spent a few minutes fooling with our cups as he refilled and left again.

"What I didn't tell you was that after I began working at the club—" She stopped abruptly, fingering the rim of her cup and blinking back tears. "Emmett owed a lot of money to some guys he'd tried to snow. They wanted their cash or they wanted their pound of flesh."

"And it was your flesh instead of his," I finished quietly.

Bella nodded, picking up her napkin and dabbing at her eyes. "I made the decision not to tell Carlisle. He was playing the role of the boss, but he really was my advisor, nothing else. He didn't make any decisions without running them by me first. He was having an increasingly hard time keeping a check on those pigs, pretending to be the boss, and grieving his friend. He tried more than once to figure out what was wrong with me. I was withdrawn, losing weight, and ready to kill anybody that looked at me sideways."

"The surveillance photos."

"Yeah, that must be the time those were taken."

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"You didn't know, and it was before you arrived. I made the choice to carry a knife after the fifth man, because he wanted things that made my skin crawl. I had been unsuccessful in fighting off the others, but I nearly beat the shit out of that one. I made it out the door and threw a chair at him as he tried to follow me. That pissed Emmett off so much, you have no idea. That was when I finally told Carlisle, and he, uh, he made sure the guy would never touch another girl again. That was also the time that Felix became the bouncer and not merely Carlisle's protection."

"So you plotted to take out the boys then?"

"Pretty much. Carlisle and I had no one but each other at that point. We knew there was no way those two would go down without a fight, and I was worried they'd worm their way out of a prison sentence if I only turned over my own statement as evidence."

Our orders arrived, and I stared at my scrambled eggs and bacon. I really had no desire to eat.

"My biggest flaw is that I think I can handle everything that comes my way when sometimes I can't. Or my plan for handling shit has holes. It's a combination of trying to be my father's daughter, trying to run the business under cover, and yeah, being raped repeatedly." Her voice faltered.

"I see what you're saying. You've had to toughen up. You've felt like you had no choice but to kill or be killed."

"I thought that all I wanted was to run the Family, to show that I could. To prove that a woman was capable of more than stripping." Bella picked up a wedge of toast and fiddled with the corner. "But when I had that, I realized that all I wanted was you."

Her voice had dropped so low I was positive I'd misunderstood. "What?"

She dropped the bread and looked right into my eyes. "I don't want to be a criminal, and I don't want to run the Family. I want _you_. I want… to be yours."

I knew her being here would change everything. Turns out I was right. The five words that just came out of her mouth fucked me up.

* * *

 **What are your thoughts on her past and her confession?** **I know you're going to let me hear it.**


	27. Chapter 27

**So much to talk about still.**

* * *

 _I don't believe I'll fall from grace_

 _Won't let the past decide my fate_

 _Leave forgiveness in my wake_

 _Take the love that I've embraced_

 _Alive and burning brighter_

 _~Halestorm, I Am The Fire_

* * *

 **When we found our new normal.**

 _Bella loved me_. Felix had told me as much last night, but it was different hearing it from her mouth. Except that wasn't exactly what she'd said.

"You want to be mine?" My guard was still a little high, despite all the information she'd shared with me.

"Yes. I want to put everything that happened behind us and start again. I want to live here, and I want to be with you."

"Bella, as far as I know you run a mafia family," I said quietly.

She was shaking her head before I finished speaking. "I never officially took the reins. Carlisle was in charge publicly to cover for me, and he's gone now. Nobody alive knows that I was ever the boss other than Jasper, Carlisle, and you. Jasper has gone a little far in his threats to the correctional officers and is enjoying most of his stay in the hole. Carlisle left for destinations unknown before I left Seattle, and as far as I know, you're not going to tell anybody."

"What happened to all the businesses owned by the Cullens? Did you have your hand in any of them?" I stirred my coffee and drank deeply from it. I hadn't had enough sleep for this conversation.

"I wasn't listed on any of the deeds, and I never ran day-to-day ops. That was left up to the boys or Carlisle. Besides, the FBI has seized all of those businesses."

"Well, I did name as many of them as I could." I smirked at her.

"Mm." The little sound she made in her throat went straight to my cock. I watched her mouth as she bit into her toast, the way her tongue ran across her lips to catch any stray crumbs. I shifted in my seat and refocused on our conversation. There was still something bothering me.

"You haven't said anything compelling me to agree to what you're suggesting."

Bella dropped her toast on her plate and crossed her arms. _Oh yeah, there was the Bella I knew._ "What the hell does that mean?" Her voice was low and hiss-like.

I sat back against my chair and brought one foot up onto the opposite knee. I gave her a minute to stew, to see if she'd figure it out, but also because I enjoyed antagonizing her. That hadn't changed.

"Why are you just staring at me, Masen?"

"Oh, go ahead and call me Edward. I like the way it sounds when you say it."

"What is all this smugness? What am I supposed to say to _compel_ you?" She rolled her eyes when she said 'compel', and I grinned.

"If you don't know, if the words don't burn on your tongue because you're leaving them unsaid, then I can't help you. If you aren't thinking it twenty-four hours a day in the back of your mind, wondering if you're crazy or if it's completely rational, then you don't feel it and shouldn't speak it."

I'd sat forward in the middle of my rant, and we were now as close together as we could be across the small table. There was a furrow between Bella's brows, and her eyes were guarded. "Why do you have to torture me?"

I laughed. "And you didn't torture the hell out of me for nine goddamn months? Why should I give you any chances? What are you willing to do to show me you've changed?"

"For fuck's sake, Edward, I came here to Chicago to be near you. I started the charity that was in the back of my mind for years in your hometown. It was my intent to come find you, and I had no idea that you'd inadvertently find me. I've stumbled over greetings in my head, trying to figure out how to approach you. I've envisioned walking up to you and having you be so glad to see me, you swept me off my feet." She paused to wipe away a tear just under her lashes. "I know I'm naïve, but I thought you had feelings for me."

" _Now_ you want to talk feelings."

"Yes, okay? I love you, Edward, and I thought that you at least felt for me one-tenth of what I feel for you. If I'm wrong, just say so."

I sat back again with another big grin on my face. "In that case."

"In that case, what?" Her face was adorable as she scrunched up her nose at me.

"In that case, I love you as well. I have for a stupidly long time. I was sure you hated me, based on the way you treated me."

She dropped her head, her hair hiding her face. "I'm sorry for that."

"Did you really just apologize? Bella Swan just admitted that she was wrong." She grumbled something under her breath, but I didn't let it deter me. "All I wanted was to know your feelings without all the façades you normally use to cover up what's real. I know you're capable of love, I've seen it aimed at Carlisle, and even Felix. You built a family out of the friends you had, and that is more important to me than the other things you did."

Bella looked up then, and there were more tears in her eyes. "Are you sure you don't hate me for everything I've done?"

"I don't hate you, no. I won't put up with anything else even close to that ever again, but as long as you show me every day you're over that life, we can move on. I've come a long way toward forgiving myself for the part I played, Bella. Penance is sometimes a good thing. You've spent a considerable amount of time on this charity, I just didn't realize it was you. You could have thrown money at a charity and never set foot in their doors, but you're in the shelter every day. I hear the women talking about how great you are. I don't know how the hell I missed the fact that you were the founder."

"I needed something too, some form of restitution. Something that made me feel like I wasn't the horrible person I'd convinced myself I was. All of my life I thought I wanted to run that damn Family. It was practically bred in me, to take Daddy's company and make it something better. I wanted to clean it up, for the record, but I realized after I had what I'd worked for that I wasn't going to be happy still stuck in the mob. It's not who I'm meant to be after all."

"Where do we go from here?" I asked.

She sat back, swirling a spoon through her coffee without any enthusiasm. "I don't know. I have to work to be honest with you, and not try to protect you or spare your feelings with lies and half-truths."

"Did I really misunderstand you last night?"

"Yes." She looked dead in my eyes as she answered. "I was trying to say that I wanted to talk to you, but that asking you up would be misconstrued, and then you did just that."

"I apologize. I was treating you like the old Bella, when clearly you've changed in these past months."

"Being alone will do that to you."

I frowned as the waiter came back over. He took our mostly full plates and refilled our coffee at my request, leaving the bill and heading off again. I pulled out my wallet and dropped enough cash to cover our meager breakfast.

"But you had Felix, and apparently Titan."

"I fired them both."

My hand froze on its way to my cup. "What?"

"I was attempting to be noble, and let them out of that life. They'd been fortunate enough to not be charged with anything, and I wanted them to start over. So, yeah, I fired Lucas and Felix. They basically laughed at me. Felix told me he wasn't going anywhere, and there was no way I could convince him to leave my house. I threatened to call the police, and that worked. I guess he told Lucas I was serious, because he stopped coming around, too."

"Wow, Bella." I glanced over at the table where the two men were seated. They were sipping from mugs, and the waiter had cleared their table as well. They appeared to be having a conversation, and not watching us with an eagle eye like I thought they might. My coffee was hot enough to burn my tongue again, but I had more anyway as I turned my attention back to Bella. It was starting to work its magic on me, warming my veins. Or maybe that was the woman sitting across from me.

"I fired a bunch of people, anyone that hadn't been picked up or had been released. I was forcing their hands, hoping they'd choose a better life. Some did, but some went on to other families. They'll be arrested soon, since I do believe the FBI is moving on those families and their connections after the info they've gleaned from Carlisle and surveillance."

"So they followed you here?"

"Well, I asked them to come. I was getting tired of being alone. I asked them if they'd be willing to run the charity with me, be the start of the board of directors. They planned the function last night with very little input from me. I was spending time with a new resident; her boyfriend was so awful to her, and she's terrified he'll find her. The hospital recommended us when she was discharged."

"So you had tweedledum and tweedledee plan a charity dinner by themselves? How did you know you wouldn't walk in here and find everything was camo, or all black or something?"

"I did at least give them parameters. They aren't neanderthals."

"If you say so." I stood then, and held my hand out to Bella. She frowned, but accepted my hand. "Do you want to take a walk, spend some time together? I can tell you about my new business, assuming you don't already know every detail through your hacking, and we can discuss the future of the charity."

She smiled. "I think I would like that."

Her hand was warm in mine, soft and smooth. I held it firmly while we passed Lucas and Felix, and I didn't bother looking at them to gauge their reaction. We took the elevator to the ground floor, and I spent the short ride rubbing my thumb over the back of her hand. The ding signaling our arrival actually surprised me because I was so focused on Bella.

The air was crisp, clearly moving into autumn, but it wasn't too bad. We started off down the sidewalk, passing several shops and turning left at the corner. Traffic, both vehicular and pedestrian, was heavy, loud. Not exactly conducive to talking. We walked a block and crossed the street, walked another block through construction dust, and crossed again. Ahead was a green space, a long line of blue rentable bicycles lined up like soldiers waiting for their orders.

"This is nice," Bella commented as we walked toward a spindly gazebo. Lake Michigan was in the near distance, past zipping cars and the trees of the small park.

We didn't go far before sitting on a bench. I hadn't let go of her, and we rested our joined hands on her leg. "I was broken for a long time, Edward, I see that now. I've spent some time with the counselors at the shelter. Not your sister, of course. I just want you to know that I'm not broken anymore. I won't screw this up, at least not intentionally. I know I'll make mistakes, but I'm working on stating my feelings and intentions instead of hiding or deflecting."

I watched her profile as she stared at something in the distance. It was easier, I supposed, than admitting her flaws while looking at me. "Bella." She turned to me, and her hair blew in the wind. She pulled it out of her face, and her doe eyes were swimming. "I believe you. I agree with you. I will make the same commitment you do, okay? If you're in it, here with me, one hundred percent, then I can do the same for you. I don't expect perfection."

Bella nodded and leaned forward hesitantly. She let go of my hand and slid hers up my arm and behind my shoulder. When she stopped at the nape of my neck, I thought she would try to kiss me, but instead she laid her head on my shoulder. It was nice. It was easy and comfortable, not forced or sexually charged. It felt normal, like our new normal.


	28. Chapter 28

**Slow and steady with the dating, right?**

* * *

I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles

And the heavens open every time she smiles

And when I come to her that's where I belong

Yet I'm running to her like a river's song

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

~ Van Morrison, Crazy Love

* * *

 **When I dated Bella Swan.**

Sweat trickled down the sides of my face as I pounded into her, gripping her hips roughly to pull her body down to meet mine.

"Oh God, Edward, yes!"

"I'm gonna—Jesus, I'm coming."

Okay, I know what you're thinking. We were going to date and learn about each other for real this time. And we did. No, really. We did.

After our discussion at the hotel, Bella checked out and went home. I went back to my parents' house and spent way too much time over-analyzing every little thing Bella had said. Ever. It wasn't intentional, but it's just how I'm made. I brood. I worry. I thought about not just her past and how that shaped a young woman that wanted her father's love and approval, only to lose it, leaving the hardened woman I first met. She was cold and calculated because she thought she had to be. It was her way of life, and it had only gotten worse for her after her father died. She'd been molded into a ruthless killer and then chastised for being exactly that. She became driven by revenge. Revenge at any cost, no matter who it affected, would be dished out to those who took her father from her. The part that I worried over was the now. The Bella that sold off all of the assets her father had acquired over the years. The Bella that claimed she was nothing more than a stripper and wanted everyone to leave the life of crime they'd been brought up in. The Bella that obviously missed Carlisle, despite the things he'd done or ordered others to do. That Bella was going to crash, and crash hard. When she finally took a step back and analyzed all that she had done to avenge her father, all that she endured during that time, I knew she was going to fold in on herself. I would be there to pick up the pieces and put her back together again.

I knew that she was sincere in her efforts in putting her criminal past behind her, mostly because of the charity she was running. She wasn't off on a lark, she was changing her entire life and outlook. She was done with violence, as Felix had told me. She didn't want it in her life anymore, and I respected that. She'd gone out of her way to seclude herself with a battered woman because that woman was scared. Bella knew a little about that, but she'd never been in that exact situation. Instead, she loaned her strength to those women until they had enough of their own to move on with their lives.

I went to work on Monday and tried to put it all out of my head. Easier said than done, but I tried. Bella texted me and told me to have a nice day. It was a small touch, but I found I enjoyed it. We spent a good part of our day texting in between our obligations. Tuesday went much the same, and then Wednesday was my day at the shelter. I saw Lucas and Felix for the first time. Lucas, with his intimidating size, was manning the front desk, and Felix was in the offices with Bella, who looked amazing to me. She was in a casual shirt and pants, glasses perched on her face and papers in her hand. They were talking quietly over whatever it was as I passed by the glass wall of the office, and they didn't look up. It was fine by me, because I didn't know what I would say to her anyway.

I went to the playroom first. It was my favorite place to be, and I enjoyed the children. Most of them arrived hesitant, even scared of the newness of their surroundings, and the uncertainties of their future. Scared from the violence and abuse that they'd most likely witnessed happen to their mothers until they were eager to make friends and interact with someone. They needed affection and attention, and I loved to provide it to them. There was often a children's counselor in the room helping them through play, and I found it somewhat fascinating. Every once in a while it was actually my own sister in there.

Today there were a few children playing with blocks, so I got on the floor with them and started stacking the blocks high. I didn't recognize any of the kids today so they were either new, or just recently brave enough to come out of their rooms. The first to speak to me was a little boy about four years old with dark hair and eyes. The woman who must have been his mother sat in a chair near the door with a book in her hands. She'd watched me warily from the minute I'd walked in.

"Hi, I'm Edward," I said to the boy. "Do you want to play?"

"Blocks," he responded as he held up a bright red one.

"Yes, a red block. Where do you want to put it?"

We stacked them into a tower for a few quiet minutes until he decided it was tall enough to knock down with a karate chop. When they crashed to the floor his mother jumped up and dropped her book, but I clapped enthusiastically.

"Good job! Wanna do it again?"

"Yes, again!"

For a long time we played, and his mother settled back down. More kids came over to help us build and chattered about this and that. The little boy told me his name was Seth and that his favorite thing in the world was Spiderman. He told me he liked it there and that everyone was nice to them. Then he said his daddy had not been nice.

"I'm sorry, buddy, that happens sometimes."

"Yeah." He handed me the last block to put on the top. "But you nice."

"Thank you." I smiled at him and had the urge to reach over and ruffle his hair, but I refrained. Physical contact was never a good idea unless initiated by the other person.

When Seth knocked them down for about the tenth time, I saw someone come in the room out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and found Bella smiling down at us.

A few kids ran over to greet her, calling her Miss Bella. She said hello and responded with hugs to the kids that held their arms out. Seth remained by my side.

Bella came over to us. "Seth, are you having fun playing with Edward?"

He nodded and showed her the blocks. "We make a tower and I knock it down!"

"How fun." She squatted and looked at the block he was holding out. "Where does the blue block go?"

Seth went back to building his tower and Bella looked at me. "Can I see you for a minute?"

I looked over at the little boy. "Seth, I'll be right back. Keep building that tower as high as you can."

I followed Bella, pausing as she stopped to ask Seth's mother how she was feeling. They chatted for a second and I looked at the colorful finger paintings on the wall.

Soon we were both out in the hallway, me looking at her expectantly, and her shifting nervously on her feet. At that moment, I could actually see how vulnerable she felt. She was out of her element, but striving to become a better person. "Um, so we said we'd take some time and get to know each other, so I guess I'm asking you on a date."

I grinned at her. "What did you have in mind?"

"Um." She laughed. "I've never really been on a date. Dinner?"

"Yes, that would be fine. Can I pick you up? I haven't seen your place."

"Yes, okay. Sure." We discussed details like when, and where she lived, and then I went back to building blocks with Seth.

At the end of the day I stopped by the office where I'd seen Felix and Bella, but only Felix remained.

"Hey, have you seen Bella?" I asked.

He looked up at me. "I think she went to her office. Do you know where that is?" he continued at my blank expression.

"No, I've never been there."

"I'll show you."

He took me to the elevator and to the bottom floor, down a hallway and to the last door on the right. He knocked and opened the door at her response, then walked off. I looked into the office she was using and saw that it was tiny and cramped with no windows.

"Why are you down here in the basement when there are plenty of light-filled offices on the main floor?"

"At first I didn't want anyone to think I was showing off, and then when I found out about you, I was hiding. Now it just seems like too much to move offices. I have so much crap down here now."

I looked around at the files, the books on Illinois law, the shelves and file cabinets. There was nothing personal in that room. "You have two oversized children on your payroll that would love to help you out, I guarantee it."

"You make a good point." She bit her lip and stared at me for a few seconds too long.

"Anyway, I wanted to say goodbye."

"Bye," she said softly, pushing her heavy hair out of her face.

Fuck me, I wanted to throw her on the desk and have at her. I cleared my throat. "Yeah, bye."

I almost ran out of there.

Work was boring the rest of the week, and all I could think about was the date with Bella. On Saturday night I went to the address she'd given me, pleased to see it was a modest townhome. She opened the door looking fabulous in a fitted sweater and a long skirt with tall boots. I offered her the bouquet of flowers I'd brought.

"You look great."

"Thank you," she said softly, smiling down at the lilies.

"You're welcome."

"Um, I'll just…" she stopped speaking and stared at me. I swallowed thickly, watching her as she looked me over from head to toe. I was in a button down with the sleeves rolled up, dark wash jeans, and my leather jacket. "Come in. I'll only be a second."

I stood in the foyer and closed the door behind me. Her place smelled like her. A hint of her perfume, lingering coffee, furniture polish. She came back very quickly with a purse in her hands.

"Ready?"

"Yep."

I looked at her and didn't move, even though I was blocking the door. "I'm just going to…"

I moved in, cupped her neck with my hand, and pressed my mouth to hers. Her quick intake of breath was cut off by my lips touching hers, caressing and sucking. I pulled her top lip into my mouth briefly before letting it go and kissing her chastley before backing up until I bumped into the door.

"Ready?" I repeated.

She nodded, her cheeks red and her hand on her mouth.

Dinner was nice. We talked about everything we had going on. We talked about my family, my sister and sister-in-law, my niece, and the fact that my sister was pregnant with the boy they'd wanted. I told her what my parents' company was up to, and she told me about the expansion that they'd raised the money for. The current playroom was kind of small, but after the renovations it would be enormous. The lawn on the side of the building was going to be planted into a serenity garden, with a wall of course, and an outdoor playground was planned for the other side of the building. The back was where the expansion was going, since it had the most amount of space.

"That means the parking lot will shrink, but it's never full anyway. Only a few of the ladies come with cars, which is another area where I need to find donations. Graduating women often have no transportation, and I feel like that's something I can change. I bought a car for Donna when she left, and she was so darn happy to not have to rely on anybody. It's a simple thing, you know? They often end up changing jobs so they're harder to find, the ones whose significant others aren't in jail at least, and they need to be able to get back and forth."

I watched her as she spoke of these women, and I saw the affection she had for them as it lit up her eyes. I was falling deeper and deeper in love with her.

"Bella."

She looked up at me, her fork paused as she cut into her cheesecake. "Yes?"

"I love you."

She reached across the table and picked up my hand. "I love you, too," she practically whispered.

It was enough.

The rest of the weekend was boring after I left her at her door with a kiss on the cheek. Sunday I spent with my family, and Kate had twenty questions times one hundred. I answered them to the best of my ability without divulging any of Bella's criminal past. I let her know that this was the subject I'd fallen in love with, and that she was changing her life in order to be with me.

"Be careful, Edward, that's all I'm going to say. And I'd love to meet her."

I thanked her and thought about asking Bella to meet my family. I focused on work Monday and Tuesday by sheer force of will, texting and calling Bella at different times of the day. We had moved on to twenty questions where we asked each other the inane things meant to get to know each other's favorites.

On Wednesday, I went straight to her office to ask if she wanted to meet my family. She was nervous, I could tell, but she agreed to meet them whenever it was easiest and most convenient for them.

And then I jumped her.

I didn't plan it, but as soon as I saw her with her glasses on her head and her hand on the door, I was hard for her. That she would so willingly agree to meet my family just sent a surge of love and admiration through me.

I walked in that cramped office, backing her up with my body, and closed the door behind me. When I turned the lock and it clicked, her eyes widened.

"Edward."

I couldn't tell which emotion she was portraying in that one word—my name—but I knew she'd stop me if she wasn't willing.

"Bella," I said in return. "I'm going to fuck you. Right there on that desk."

"We-we're supposed to be dating."

"We did. We are. I'm still going to fuck you."

"Oh God," she moaned as I slid my arms around her waist and bent to kiss her. Not slow, not languid, not testing. Fierce and fast.

I didn't feel the need to undress her, I just pulled her skirt up and plunged my hand into her panties. I found her hot and wet, exactly as I'd expected.

"Fuck, fuck!" she yelled in my ear as I brought her up and over.

We backed up together until she came to the edge of her desk. Everything on it was pushed aside—coffee thermos, papers, stapler, phone. It all landed on the floor with various sounds as she unfastened my pants and fished for the hole in my underwear. When she had me in her hand, when my cock was weeping for joy at the feel of her fingers wrapped around me, I pushed her onto her back on her desk and ran my tongue along her panties with a loud groan. I shoved them off to the side and licked again as she panted and writhed.

I stood and plunged into her swiftly, her long legs going up to wrap around my waist and her skirt bunched between us. It wasn't how I'd imagined our reunion, but I didn't care. It was satisfying, it was hot, it was agony to hold back and not spurt everywhere after so long without her. Sweat trickled down the sides of my face as I pounded into her, gripping her hips roughly to pull her body down to meet mine.

"Oh God, Edward, yes!"

"I'm gonna—Jesus, I'm coming."

She clasped my cock like a tight fist as she came again, her back arching off the wooden desk and her mouth open in a silent cry. I held her pressed against me, never wanting to let her go.

"Thank God," she mumbled.

I helped her sit up. Her blouse was wrinkled and her hair was everywhere. Her glasses were behind her on the desk, unscathed. "Thank God for what?"

"I was worried that if I waited for you to make the first move that so much time would pass I'd become a virgin again."

I laughed so hard I nearly cried.

We dated first, but it wasn't us. We would continue to date, but I wasn't holding back from her anymore. We would do things to make sure we were happy, not the way we thought we had to do them.

* * *

 **I just couldn't see these two dating and not getting it on. *snickers***

 **I've put both the Van Morrison and Michael Bublé versions of the song on the blog, along with the gifs I know you really want.**


	29. Chapter 29

**Thank you all for your thoughts on these two.**

* * *

 _I'm scared, oh, so scared  
But when you're near me  
I feel like I'm standing with an army  
When you say you love me  
Know I love you more  
And when you say you need me  
Know I need you more_

 _~Miley Cyrus, Adore You_

* * *

 **When I needed every ounce of my patience.**

After our smoking bout of office sex, Bella and I kept a respectable distance from each other while we were at the women's shelter. We had several more dates that included nothing more salacious than dinner and conversation, and then the day came that we were supposed to meet my family. Mom had arranged lunch at a nearby restaurant for more neutral territory than our house. My parents weren't there when I arrived with Bella, but Kate and Maggie were there with Vicky.

"Hi, I'm Kate!" My sister held her arms out, gauging whether or not Bella would be receptive to a hug. Bella tentatively stepped into her embrace.

"I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you."

Bella let go of Kate and looked to Maggie. "I'm Maggie, it's a pleasure to meet you, Bella." Maggie held out a hand to shake and Bella accepted.

"And this little squirt is Vicky," I said as I pulled my niece in for a hug and a ruffle of her hair.

"Hi!" She waved as she untangled herself from me and stood in front of Bella. "Mom and Momma said that you're Uncle Edward's girlfriend. Is that true?"

Bella laughed. "Yes, Vicky, I guess that's true."

"Good. He hasn't had a girlfriend in, like, forever. I'm hungry, can we sit down now?" She aimed her question at Maggie, who shook her head.

"Only a child can go from one topic to the other so quickly," Kate commented.

We waited in the front of the restaurant for Mom and Dad, who arrived about five minutes later. It wasn't as awkward to wait as I thought it would be. Maggie and Bella talked for a while about what had been going on at the charity and why Bella hadn't felt like she could show her face to my sisters.

"I felt so awkward admitting that I was here in Chicago after the way we'd left things in Seattle. I had my staff coordinator accept your volunteer paperwork in my stead. I kept thinking that I needed to find a way to gather the courage to speak to you, but it just wasn't coming to me."

"I can understand, especially if you didn't enjoy what you were doing in Seattle and thought that Edward might judge you."

Bella glanced at me. "He's just such a good guy."

Maggie grinned. "Yes he is."

That was about the time Dad came in the door, holding it open for my mother. They came into the foyer area we were standing in and stopped near our group.

"Mom, this is Bella. Bella, this is my mom, Elizabeth." They sort of grasped hands in a half shake. "Dad, this is Bella. Bella, this is my father, Edward, Sr."

He shook her hand and they exchanged brief pleasantries while Kate approached the hostess and told her we were ready to be seated. We were led to a large table in the middle of the restaurant big enough for all of us to range out. While we spent a few minutes getting situated and looking at menus, I reached for Bella's hand and squeezed it in an attempt to reassure her.

Mom closed her menu and aimed her gaze at Bella. "So, Bella, you run the shelter we've all been volunteering at. How do you like it?"

Bella looked at Mom to answer her question. "It's been amazing, honestly, to make a difference for these women. My father left me a decent inheritance, and I just sort of realized that I needed to do some good with it."

"You've done such a lovely job with the center and with the fundraiser. I would say that your father would be very proud of you."

The hand I was holding trembled. Bella murmured a thank you and buried her face in her menu. The waiter came around and took everyone's order, and Vicky ran most of the conversation as she discussed school with her grandparents. I chimed in whenever I thought I could, but Bella remained quiet. I wondered what was going on in her mind, but I wasn't going to ask in front of my family. Kate was very accepting of Bella and asked her about where she lived and what her hobbies were, and Bella answered her direct questions. It was just the in-between lulls where she had nothing to interject.

When our meal was over Bella tried to pay, but my father shot her down. He insisted on paying for everyone, despite Kate and I objecting. Dad was good natured about paying for his 'kids' meals', and Bella blushed when he said that. I guessed she was nervous about being referred to as one of his kids.

Kate and Maggie hugged Bella as we got ready to leave, promising to see her soon at the shelter. Victoria was sweet as always and bounced over to kiss Bella on the cheek as she leaned down to say goodbye. Mom hugged Bella lightly, and Dad patted her on the back.

The car ride back to her place was incredibly quiet. I was afraid to say anything to open up the dam until we reached the safety of the interior of her home.

It was mid-afternoon, and the sun slanted in her open curtains along the back of the building. She had a small fenced-in yard that abutted her neighbors' property on each side. Her kitchen was mostly cream with some brown accents, and she headed straight for the coffee maker.

"I want liquor, but I feel like it's too early and too reactive, so coffee it is."

"Okay." I watched her for a few minutes, the way she darted around the space and kept her hands busy. When the coffee was ready she poured some for the both of us and sat at the little square table next to the bay windows.

"Wanna tell me what has you so worked up? They loved you." I sat with her and watched as she fidgeted.

She sipped, stared out the window. I waited. A deep breath moved her shoulders, caused a sigh to escape. "That's the problem, Edward. I'm a fraud. They love me, but they don't love Bella Swan, the ruthless killer. They love Bella Swan, the founder of a charitable organization."

"You're one and the same." I tried to catch her gaze, but she lowered it to the table.

"No. No, but I thought that I could be. I thought I could outrun what I've done, serve penance time and become a new person. But that's not what's happened. I'm just a pretender." She shifted her gaze again, so focused out the window that I almost wondered what was out there.

"I disagree, Bella. Look at how far you've come. I know you don't feel it, but you've made changes within yourself. You're not hiding from me anymore. You're telling me how you feel. You were charming and friendly with my sister and her wife. Vicky loved you, or she would have definitely told you otherwise."

"None of that matters unless they know the truth about me." Bella's voice had dropped low, a much deeper octave than her usual tone.

"And what good does that do? Kate and Maggie know you were one of the subjects of my investigation. They don't care. They don't think you're here committing crimes against humanity, they think you're here turning over a new leaf. And because you couldn't stay away from me." I chuckled lightly, hoping to brighten her mood.

She hummed, took another drink. Wouldn't meet my eyes. Then she was crying in the space of seconds. "Am I always going to feel this way? Like such a horrible human being that I don't even want to look myself in the mirror? I don't like what I see, Edward. What do I do?"

The devastation on her face was hard to see, knowing she truly felt evil. "What you've been doing. You persevere, because that's the Bella Swan I know. You talk to the counselors, you talk to me. You don't close yourself off from society, either, because we need you. The women at that shelter need you. You have an underlying strength that not everyone has the chance to see, but I do. I see you, Isabella Swan. You're working on that better person, and you grieve for what you once were. That's okay."

"I don't want to wallow. I don't want to drag you down with me. You deserve better than me."

"It's for me to decide that, not you. I love you despite what your past is, remember?" I reached out and covered her hand with mine. She flinched, but refused to look at me.

"I don't know how you could."

"Because of the potential I see for what you can become. You're going to do more and more good things, and I hope to be by your side while you do them."

"See, you're too good for me."

I smiled. "Maybe."

She looked at me then and rolled her eyes. It was fitting that the first time she actually looked at me was to ensure I knew how _not_ funny I was.

"What do you want to do with your day off?" I asked once I sensed that the worst was over.

"Honestly, can we just curl up on the couch? I haven't had that luxury in a while, at least not with you by my side."

"Okay."

We moved into the living room and sat together, Bella leaning up against my side and switching on the television. After about fifteen minutes had passed with no sound from her, I thought she was interested in what was on, but instead I discovered she was crying silently.

"Hey, what's this? I thought we agreed you were doing well and to relax." I shifted us so I could wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"I can't!" Her silent tears turned into sobbing. I held her tightly to me and let her break, let her cry her eyes out while I held her together. I had a feeling this wouldn't be the last time she felt like she was a failure or a bad person. The things she'd done would likely haunt her for a long time. She'd thought she wasn't broken anymore, but I wasn't able to fix her magically.

"It's going to be all right. I don't know when, but eventually."

Bella held me tightly until she'd cried out all her tears, then reached over to the side table for a tissue. "I'm sorry for falling apart on you."

"You don't have to apologize for your emotions, Bella."

She kissed me softly and rested her head against me, turning back to the TV. That time she actually did watch the program, at least until she fell asleep.

Unsurprisingly, my sister called me at home later that evening to tell me what she'd thought of Bella.

"She's nice, and she's clearly compassionate for those less fortunate. Kind of like my big brother. She seemed like she was nervous, but that's to be expected."

"She thought you would hate her for what she did before she came here, but I told her you didn't know all the details." I was folding laundry as we spoke, and I shifted the phone to my other ear.

"You know, I thought she'd be different. More rough, maybe. She's not a hardened criminal like I pictured in my mind."

I tried to picture that, too. Couldn't. "She's changed since I first met her, that's for sure."

"And her dad was a sore subject. Mom told her he'd be proud of her and she shut down, closed off."

"You read that situation like a book. She's touchy about him because he was set up and murdered, and she always wished she could have stopped it from happening. They were extremely close after her mother died."

"Poor thing. Is she seeing a counselor of any type?"

I laughed. "The shrink recommending a shrink. Not surprising. But yes, she sees one of the counselors at the shelter."

"Just tell her to make sure she's completely honest. They're not going to tell anybody what she's divulged, and they can't fully help her if she's holding back out of fear." She made a good point, and I wondered if Bella had truly opened up. I knew it was another subject I would have to raise with her.

"I'll be sure to tell her."

"Good. Now, we're having a Halloween party and want to know if you and Bella can come. Vicky insisted I invite Bella, even though I was already planning on it. We don't have a date set yet, it depends on when everyone is free."

"I'm sure we can come, but let me ask Bella. Let me know once you nail down a date."

"Fantastic. Maggie says hi."

I smiled. Maggie was as much my sister as Kate. I was positive she'd be calling me tomorrow. "Tell her I said hello."

"Okay, Edward, good night."

I bid her good night and hung up, dropping my phone on the bed. I finished with my clothes and wondered what I was going to do about Bella. I wanted her to feel whole, but it seemed that it would take more time than I'd thought. She was always so confident in the past that it was a shock now to see her so out of sorts. It would take patience, without a doubt, but I had faith we would be successful.

* * *

 **Just in case any of you thought it would be poof, she's perfect.**


	30. Chapter 30

**I feel the need for sappy love songs for some reason.**

* * *

 _When I was lost, you took me home_

 _You gave me hope when I was at the end_

 _And turned my lies back into truth again_

 _I was confused, you cleared my mind_

 _I sold my soul, you bought it back for me_

 _And held me up and gave me dignity_

 _Somehow you needed me_

 _You gave me strength to stand alone again_

 _I needed you and you were there_

 _~Anne Murray, You Needed Me_

* * *

 **When our dinner plans were cut short.**

It was the following Wednesday after Bella's mini breakdown that she and I were having lunch together in the shelter's cafeteria. Kate walked into the room and headed straight for us.

"Bella, it's so good to see you."

Bella stood so she could greet my sister, who pulled her in for a hug. "Hi, Kate. Are you eating lunch here?"

"I am now, if you don't mind. Let me grab something from the line."

"You sure you want your break to be full of my sister and her opinions?" I asked Bella once Kate walked away.

"I do. Besides, being the boss has some perks. I can take a long lunch if I want to." She checked her watch. "Well, not really. I have an appointment with the owner of a local dealership in about an hour."

"Are they going to donate money or cars?" I lifted my eyebrow at that news. Either one would be a huge deal.

"A new car to every program graduate, as long as I agree to list them as a platinum donor on our wall and in our next benefit pamphlet."

"So free advertising?" I asked as I stabbed a fry with my fork.

"I don't mind, it gets the women what they need. Why do you eat french fries with a fork?"

I laughed at her terrible segue. "To keep the grease off my hands."

"Hey guys," Kate said as she returned and plopped her tray in front of the empty chair.

"Ugh, a salad, Kate?" I wrinkled my nose at her.

She sat, rubbed a hand over her belly. "Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I want to gain fifty pounds."

"I guess you've got a point. How are the girls?"

"Your harem is happy. We nailed down the party for the day before Halloween. Is that good for you?" she asked Bella.

Bella swallowed her bite of chicken. "Yes."

"Good. Vicky would never speak to me again if you didn't come."

Bella looked at her long and hard until I rested my hand on top of hers. "We can't wait," I answered for her. I knew she was still overwhelmed with the unconditional acceptance from my family.

"Um, Bella," Kate began after a minute of silence while we ate.

Bella turned her attention to Kate and raised her eyebrows.

"Do you strictly use the counselors here?" Kate sounded casual enough, but she had me on full alert.

"You mean for myself?"

"Yes."

Bella set down her fork. "Yes. Why?"

Kate shifted in her seat, poked around at her lettuce. Didn't meet Bella's eyes. "It's just that they're sort of your employees."

Bella sat back then, set her drink down. "I hadn't thought of it that way."

"It's probably not that big of a deal since they're volunteers, but it's something to consider. Especially if you're reluctant to be one hundred percent honest because you work with them often. I can recommend someone."

I gave an internal sigh of relief as I realized that Katie was just worried about offending Bella and trying her best to be tactful.

"That might be for the best. Thank you, Kate."

"You're welcome." Kate took a bite and smiled around it.

I waited until Bella got up to get some napkins before I said anything. "Thank you, Katie."

"I didn't do it for you." The smile she gave that time was more like a wolfish grin.

"Great, so you love your brother's girlfriend more than your brother?"

"Yep."

I glanced at Bella, found her talking to someone and not paying attention to us. "She struggles. I appreciate it."

"I had a feeling after our talk the other night that she would need someone else in her corner."

She was right. Kate was usually right, but I tried not to tell her too often because it would surely go to her head.

We finished our lunch and went our separate ways; Kate went to offer her services to the women and Bella went to her meeting, but not before a quick kiss from me.

"See you tonight?" I confirmed. She nodded.

We didn't spend any time at my place, since my place consisted of my parents' house. It was too soon, but I was already considering how optimal Bella's place was for the both of us. It was a decent location when compared to my office and the shelter, though it was closer to the shelter.

I had a few plans for the rest of my afternoon, such as a visit to the playroom and relieving Lucas of his front desk duties long enough for him to eat lunch.

"I have to admit you do a good job here," he said to me as he was about to leave.

"Thanks," I said uncertainly. Titan was giving me a compliment?

"And you don't suck as the boss's boy toy."

Ah, there was the rub I'd been expecting. "Thanks," I said again, that time in a wry tone of voice.

He chuckled as he left the tiny room that housed a phone and a computer, and a glass wall attached to the counter that served as a desk. I spent a few minutes getting acquainted with that day's visitor list and settled in to be bored for an hour. I was looking forward to the evening so much that I caught myself fantasizing about Bella. It wasn't until Lucas came back that I realized I'd almost drooled on my shirt.

I waited near the entrance at the end of the day so I could take Bella home. I held her hand while I drove, running my thumb over her skin. I asked her about her day, and listened as she spoke about the dealership and the contract they'd signed. She was happy with the way it had gone, and happy with the progression of the expansion plans.

As we entered her home, it occured to me that I had never stayed the night. I'd spent long periods of time there with her, but I hadn't so much as seen the inside of her bedroom. I wanted to fix that. It was time, not only because we'd been back together for a month, but because I didn't want there to only be quick sex in her office to define our relationship. It was fun, and it would likely not be the only time we did it that way, but I wanted her to feel like she was my girlfriend and not just a quick fuck.

"Bella."

She stopped her progression into the kitchen, likely with dinner on her mind, and turned back to me. Her eyes widened a fraction, and I smiled at her. "Edward?"

"Come with me."

I held out my hand, waited until she slipped hers into mine. I led her past the living room and in through her open bedroom door, where I backed her against the wall. Cupping her chin in my fingers, I tilted my head to meet hers, heard her breath come in a gasp just before I tasted her. Unhurried, I kissed her until she fisted my shirt in her hands and she was making sounds of pleasure in her throat.

Her hands went to my pants, frantically trying to unbutton them, but I slowed her down. Bella looked up at me with vulnerability in her dark eyes.

"I plan on loving you slowly, Bella, thoroughly worshipping you the way you deserve."

I watched the uncertainty change to understanding, but more than that, _love_. When she let her guard down I could read her face like an open book. She came closer, kissed me while standing on her toes. Her shoes were flat since she was on her feet most of the day, and I felt very protective of her as I leaned down to meet her short stature. She was young, petite, and no longer ruthless. She was becoming someone I was proud of and fiercely ready to defend if need be.

"I love you," she said, her voice breaking as I kissed along her cheek to her ear.

"I love you, too." She would need reassurance, I knew. I would show her, tell her, every day.

She shivered as I breathed into her ear right before kissing behind it. She had a multitude of erogenous zones, and I planned to exploit them all until she was as needy as she left me. It took nothing more than a look for her to have me hard and wanting, and maybe that just made me a guy, but nobody else did that to me.

"Feel how much you turn me on, Bella."

When her hands went to my pants again, I let her be. My own hands roamed over her back and her ass, squeezing as she found me hard as stone. She stroked the head of my cock, pushing at my pants and boxer briefs until she could wrap her hand around me. We moved, just enough to be off the wall, and I went back to kissing her. I explored every recess of her mouth as she stroked me until I thought I would come if I didn't stop her, so I put a hand back on hers. Bella started on the buttons of my shirt, and I allowed myself to progress to undressing her. I may have wanted to move slow, but I needed her to be naked.

"I love the way your skin feels." I kissed her shoulder as I pushed her shirt off of it, moved her bra strap until I could reach around and unclasp it. Every time I put my lips on her she whimpered, clinging to me to hold herself upright.

Her shirt went first, then her bra, and I molded my hands to her breasts as her back arched and her head dropped back. I worked on removing her pants next, and Bella helped out by kicking off her shoes. We moved closer to the bed, a slow dance without music, my heart thrumming in my ears accompanying her harsh breathing as the only sounds in the room. She was in nothing but panties when we made it to the mattress, and she sat down. While working my pants and underwear over my hips, she bit her lip and looked into my eyes. I toed off my shoes and stepped out of my clothes, crawling over her body and resting alongside her somewhere in the middle.

With fingers and tongue, and sometimes teeth, I showed her. I proved to myself that I could be unselfish, and I proved that nothing got to me more than the breathless moans and heavy cries that came out of her mouth as I loved her. She writhed, shifted, cursed as I peeled off her panties and licked at her pussy, nibbling and sucking on her clit until she fell apart, fell over the cliff. Moving up, I replaced my tongue with my fingers and she grabbed my forearm, begging me to stop because she couldn't take any more, then to never stop, to give her what she couldn't even define in her blissed-out state of mind.

She went over again with wordless screams as her body shuddered and rocked. I found her mouth with mine, captured the explosion as it ebbed, until she grappled for a hold on me and tugged me over on top of her. I went gladly, knowing by the weeping of my cock that I could hold out no longer. When I met with her finally, when she pulled me into her body and the heat and wet that made me lose my mind, I couldn't focus on anything but the overwhelming pleasure. We moved together, loved each other, and called on God to see us through our little death. I choked on her name when I came, falling face first into the pillow above her head.

"What the fuck," she panted, "was that?"

"That was me." I had to stop and catch my breath. "That was me showing you how much I love you."

"Message received." I heard the smile in her voice, lifted my head to see it, then kissed her briefly and dropped back down.

"I'm not crushing you, am I? I can't feel my legs."

She laughed, a tinkling, girlie sound. "It's all good. Lord, is it ever good," she said as she ran her hands down my back.

Finally I rolled off of her, placed my face close to hers. "Are you hungry? I'll make dinner."

"I forgot you can cook." She lifted up on her elbow, leaned over, and kissed me.

"I can, I just usually don't bother."

She stared at me for a few heartbeats. "I love you so goddamn much, Masen."

I grinned at her, pushed at the hair that fell over her shoulder. It pleased me immensely that she wasn't afraid to say it first. "I love you, too."

* * *

 **The blog. Go to it. ;)**


	31. Chapter 31

**I'm glad you all enjoyed the gifs on the blog for the last chapter.**

* * *

 _Storms are raging on a rollin' sea_

 _Down the highway of regret_

 _The winds of change are blowing wild and free_

 _But you ain't seen nothing like me yet_

 _There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do_

 _Go to the ends of the Earth for you_

 _Make you happy, make your dreams come true_

 _To make you feel my love_

 _~ Garth Brooks_

* * *

 **When guilt and worth were the words of the day.**

The therapist Bella started seeing at Kate's suggestion was the best thing for her. She spent the first week crying through every session, coming home and telling me all about it. The only thing we had to be careful about was the actual murder that she and I committed together. There was no point in time that either of us felt comfortable admitting to a crime we could still be prosecuted for; instead she said that she allegedly was involved at a distance, and talked about her feelings of guilt.

If I thought she'd thrown herself into the charity before, it was nothing to compare to what she did after she changed counselors. She was gone very early and finished very late. I stayed at her house several nights a week, and she was often gone before I got up. My own business was expanding rapidly since referrals had become the largest draw of clients. Some met me at the shelter, such as other volunteers, and some came from the judges I'd worked with. I was at least as busy as Bella was.

It seemed like everything was moving along smoothly. At least that was what I told myself until it all came crashing down.

The call apparently came in while I was in a client mediation, but I didn't have a secretary or assistant. My phones rolled to my cell phone or voicemail if I didn't answer them. After telling the couple goodbye, I checked my messages the same as I always would. When I heard Lucas sounding frantic on a voicemail, I panicked. Like Felix, Lucas didn't ever lose his cool. He requested my immediate presence at the shelter, or he was afraid he would have to call for an ambulance.

With that little bit of information I ran out the door and flew into my sister's office down the hall. Thankfully for all involved, she wasn't with anybody. She was standing at her assistant's desk, and I came to a stop with my hand on my overtaxed heart.

"There's been an emergency at the shelter. Please, please, can you cancel my afternoon appointments?"

Not that I'd bothered with such banalities as locking the door, but Kate and I had keys to each other's offices. The only thing I waited for was her nod, not even waiting around for her questions before sprinting to the parking lot.

I would most likely have to justify murdering Lucas for not giving me more information over the voicemail. All sorts of crazy ideas went through my head as I drove faster than I should have to get to the shelter. I slowed when I pulled into the parking lot, not because I was any less worried, but because I was aware that sometimes there were children out there.

I yanked on the glass door at the front and kept moving, hoping that the person manning the front desk would just buzz me through without a lot of talking. I glanced over, and the woman stood and stared at me with an uncertain look on her face.

"Lucas called me, I need to get in to help Bella."

I paused with my hand on the inner door, and finally heard the buzz.

I was planning on trying the offices on the main floor first before searching her out in her basement office, but I didn't get very far before Lucas came toward me.

"Felix is with her now. She's in her office."

I followed him to the elevator, where he punched the button repeatedly, and definitely impatiently.

"What happened?"

"She had a panic attack. She was talking with a new incoming resident, and from what I gathered some things she described were too close to home for Bella. The woman called the front desk from her room and asked for help."

We were pushing on the doors on the elevator barely after the ding, and we rode in silence. Maybe I wouldn't chew him a new one since he seemed as rattled as I was. I was forcing my way out of the elevator before it even finished whooshing open, slapping my hand on the damn thing as it seemed to crawl open. I strode down the hall as fast as my long legs would take me.

The sight in her office actually calmed me. She was sitting in a chair with Felix kneeling at her feet. It was an odd sight for such a tall man, but I knew that he regarded her as family; a younger sister. Bella was wrapped in a blanket and drinking from a bottle of water. Her makeup was streaked as she looked up at me, and I saw the relief pass over her features. She stood, dropping the blanket, and as Felix also stood, she rushed in to my arms.

"Edward, oh thank God." We held each other for a long time while I assured myself she was okay, and she assured herself she was safe in my arms.

"Tell me about it." She pulled away just a little, but held onto one of my hands.

"The woman I was speaking with was caught up with a boyfriend that kept trading her to pay for his addiction. She was raped so many times, oh my God." She pressed a hand to her stomach and took a deep breath. "I just couldn't stop crying. And then she got to the part—the part where some guy wanted the same as that last guy wanted from me. It's so degrading to be treated like that, like you're just nothing but a vessel. I couldn't take it anymore. It brought me back to that guy that I escaped from and the anger Emmett showed to me. I panicked. I had a panic attack." She trembled.

"Are you better now? Do you need anything?" I spoke to her quietly. Inner rage of my own was trying to make itself known, but it wouldn't do either of us any good.

"I called Emily. She agreed to see me in an hour." Emily was her new therapist.

"I'll take you."

I thanked Lucas and Felix, who wanted to be called after her session. Lucas walked with us to the front door. Bella ducked into the bathroom to clean up her face and blow her nose.

"By the way, Edward, you scared the shit out of Marta."

I turned to look at him in astonishment. "I did?"

"She thought she recognized you, and you told her I'd called you, but she doubted herself after she let you in. She called me to come and boot your ass out."

I laughed, and found that it was nice to lift the heavy feeling in the air. "I didn't mean to. She should maybe be spoken to about standing her ground."

"Yes, I will."

Bella rejoined us, and Lucas walked us out of the inner door and stopped at the desk as we continued. Bella held my hand the entire way to my car, and I helped her in to her seat, leaving her with a kiss to the forehead as I rounded the hood. I pulled my cell out and sent a text to Kate that we were fine, but heading to see Emily for an emergency session. She responded with a request for a call when we were through.

I closed the door behind me and started the car, but then just sat and stared at Bella. "Are you really okay?"

"No, but I'm better. Your presence makes me better."

I picked up her hand and kissed it, holding it while I drove her to Emily's office.

We were greeted like old friends, where nobody acted like Bella had fallen apart less than an hour ago. We were offered coffee and water, and then ushered into Emily's office.

"Bella, it's good to see you." Emily put a hand on Bella's arm. "Is it your wish to have Edward in the room?"

Bella nodded. "Yes, if that's okay with you."

"Of course."

We sat on the plush couch, and Bella immediately picked up my hand again.

"Why don't you tell me about your day," Emily said.

"It started off normally, just my usual routine, and then there was a new admit. She wanted to talk, and I spent the morning in her room. Eventually, she mentioned why she was there. Her boyfriend was abusing cocaine, and when he ran out of money for his addiction he pimped her to the dealers in exchange for drugs."

Bella stopped and breathed in and out deeply.

"Take your time," Emily encouraged.

Bella took several more breaths before she continued. "The one that broke her, literally and figuratively, sent her to the hospital. She decided she was fed up. She told the nurse in the emergency room that she needed the police, and she proceeded to report her boyfriend for all of the myriad things he'd done. She asked the police for protection, and they referred her to our shelter. That's how she came to be with me. It was just that when she began to describe the last man, it was exactly parallel to what happened to me."

Her breathing was coming in shallow bursts, and I squeezed her hand and murmured to her. She turned and buried her face into my shoulder and cried into my chest. I rubbed her back and waited for her to come back to me.

"Bella, you're here with me, you're safe."

"Bella. Breathe." Emily spoke from her seat, watching us carefully. "In. Out."

"I couldn't take it," Bella said against my shirt before pulling away and accepting the tissue Emily offered.

"That's to be expected. It's called PTSD, Bella. Post-traumatic stress disorder. It will take years to overcome, and even then, it might lessen but not go away completely."

Bella nodded. They'd discussed PTSD before.

"Have you given more thought to asking your doctor for anti-anxiety medication?"

"I don't want any type of drugs. I've seen too often what can happen, how people change and do things they wouldn't otherwise do. It scares me."

"Okay, then we have to work on your coping techniques. Breathing exercises, mental images, and apparently, security in the form of Edward."

I blushed.

"The major emotion that I feel is guilt. I got out of it, I survived. I didn't let that man do those awful things to me, and yet she couldn't get away. She had to endure so much pain so that one man could get off on it in a sick and twisted way, and another could score more cocaine. It's awful enough as it is, and then I feel bad that I didn't suffer as much when I sure as hell deserved it."

I couldn't help it by then. Tears were rolling down my cheeks after hearing that Bella thought she deserved more torture than what she endured.

"Bella, being capable of escape that one time doesn't make you less of a victim than the young woman you speak of. You don't compare pain in levels; that would be like saying someone that was raped once doesn't deserve love and support because she wasn't raped five times. You also cannot say that you deserved what you went through because you weren't a good person at the time it happened to you. It wasn't a direct result of anything you did. It's not karma coming to you before you've had the chance to make mistakes. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Bella sniffed and nodded.

"I understand that you feel guilty for things that you did. That makes sense, and we've spoken about your need for atonement. There's nothing wrong with working hard toward being a better person, but don't burn yourself out thinking that working harder will bring absolution."

"Thank you. You know I struggle with how to pay for my crimes."

"I also know that some of those were a product of your situation and that you would never do those things now."

"No, I wouldn't. I cringe at the person I was." She bit her lip and looked at me. "And I don't feel that I deserve the love of someone as morally good as Edward."

I bit my tongue because we'd had this conversation over and over. I didn't know when she would see that I could forgive her for her past as long as we worked on moving forward together.

"You have to work on those issues of feeling worthy. Guilt and worth can be our topic at your next session. Are you feeling safe and calm now?"

"Yes, absolutely. It was the flashback that threw me for a loop. It's much better now, Emily. Thank you for seeing me without prior notice."

"I'm always happy to fit you in."

We said goodbye to Emily and made our way home without even a second thought of where to go next. It was clear to me that Bella would want to be in her own place. She went into her bedroom to call Kate and the shelter while I searched the refrigerator for something to drink. She had a bottle of red wine that looked as good as anything else, and I poured us each a glass while I waited for her.

"Kate said she rescheduled your clients for next week. One went to Monday and the other to Thursday."

"I'll call her later to thank her. How are you holding up?" I handed her the glass and we went to the living room to settle on the couch.

"I feel drained."

"I can understand that. Are you going to avoid medication for the anxiety?" I knew what she'd said to Emily, but I wanted to double check.

"Yes. I'll find other techniques. It can be a last resort because I don't want to be stubborn for the sake of it, but I'll start with other options." She set her glass down so she could cuddle up.

"Okay. You know I'll support whatever you decide."

"You're so patient with me while I muddle through trying to fix myself." She rested her head on my chest as she shifted to face me.

"You said yourself that you were broken. I know you thought it would be an easy fix. I'm sorry it's harder on you than it probably should be."

"You really are too good for me. One of these days I hope to be as good as you."

"You're on the right path. Nothing will change my mind about the way I feel about you."

We stayed curled together on her couch until hunger drove us in search of dinner. Bella was going through so much on a daily basis, more than I saw when I looked at her. She had the same strength she always did, but I didn't think she believed that. She would get there, of that I had no doubt.

* * *

 **It's almost impossible to find Garth on YouTube. He is not playing around when it comes to having his stuff taken down, but either I found one of him or a damn good cover. LOL. Of course, Adele has a version of this song too, but I remember his version from Hope Floats.**


	32. Chapter 32

**I don't know how many of you noticed, but FFN logged everyone out the other day. If I didn't reply to your review, it's because you weren't logged in. (I haven't gotten to Wednesday's yet, that's another story.) Know that I appreciate all of them.**

 **oOo**

 **I had a really tough time picking a song for this chapter so I went with a good Halloween standard. If you're not familiar with Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas, it's a good animated movie about Halloween Town and the Pumpkin King, Jack Skellington. That's where this song originates from.**

* * *

 _This is Halloween_

 _Red 'n' black, slimy green_

 _Aren't you scared?_

 _Well, that's just fine_

 _Say it once, say it twice_

 _Take a chance and roll the dice_

 _Ride with the moon in the dead of night_

 _Everybody scream, everybody scream_

 _This is Halloween_

 _~Marilyn Manson, This is Halloween_

* * *

 **When I would do anything for my girls.**

We reached the day of the Halloween party without too much trouble. Bella was still shaky in some areas, but nothing as bad as what she'd experienced with her panic attack. Despite seeing physically abused women on a daily basis, she remained strong and continued to attend therapy twice a week. Emily was good for her, and it seemed to me that Bella was doing better with her than with any of the counselors she'd spoken to previously. When I asked her about it, Bella said it was both because she felt more like she could be honest with Emily, but also because she was more comfortable with her.

The day before Halloween we drove over to my sisters' house. They had a modest three bedroom home a few neighborhoods away from our parents' place. Mom and Dad never attended the Halloween party, but all of Kate and Maggie's parties were well known in our family. They went full out in the decorations department and asked guests to bring the food. We were bringing mummy dogs at Vicky's request; hot dogs wrapped in strips of dough. She loved them. She was going to be dressed as a ninja, including fake katanas strapped to her back.

Bella wasn't keen on wearing a costume at first, but then she found some steampunk ideas online that she really liked. Before I knew it, she was thrusting a waistcoat and a goggle-topped hat at me. The bonus was how she looked in her dress—if it could be called that—with all the lace and layers showing off her legs, and a low cut top.

Kate answered the door in a long red shirt that read Netflix. "What are you supposed to be?" I asked her as I kissed her cheek.

"As soon as you see Mags, you'll understand." She stepped aside so we could enter.

"Okay." I glanced at Bella, and she was trying hard not to laugh.

"I get it. It's cute and comfortable for the pregnant woman. Here's Vicky's mummy dogs, where can I put them?"

Kate took Bella to the kitchen so I wandered through the living room and looked at the handful of other guests. I walked past an impressive Beetlejuice, a Sandy and Danny, and something that looked like a rainbow had thrown up. Maggie came around the corner from the hallway, and her shirt was blue with snowflakes sprinkled on it.

"Hey, Maggie."

She and I hugged before she stood back and took in my costume. "Nice. I can tell you didn't pick this yourself."

"Why's that?" I looked down at myself, too. I had to admit I didn't look half-bad.

"The last year you were here, you wore a t-shirt and jeans. When I asked what your costume was, you said James Dean." She rolled her eyes. She was right, it hadn't really been a costume.

"You're the mean sister."

She snorted. "Little stuff is in her room, but she'll be out in a sec. Katana emergency."

"Is it fixed?"

"Yeah. They were falling down, but I tightened her straps. I think she was going to hit up the bathroom before making another debut."

I watched for any sign of her, and sure enough she bounded down the hallway toward me a minute later. "Uncle Edward!"

She was loud enough to draw the attention of a few others. I just smiled at them before turning my attention back to Vick and her bear hug. "Hey, squirt."

"Did you bring Bella?" She craned her neck to look around me.

I grinned. It made me really happy that she loved Bella so much. "Of course. She went to the kitchen with your momma."

Vicky bounced up and down, and I could see how the plastic weapons on her back had come loose. "I like your costume. Is Bella's like yours? My moms are Netflix and chill, but Mom says I'm too young to know what it means. Do you know what it means, Uncle Edward?"

I cleared my throat. "Um, yes, but don't ask me to explain it to you."

She frowned at that and began towing me toward the kitchen. "Do I look like I can kick some tail? I wanted to be b-a-d-a-s-s, but Momma said I can't say that."

"Where do you get all of this energy from?" I was having a hard time keeping up with her physically as well as conversationally.

"I've got better batteries than the Energizer Bunny, that's what Nana says. What's the Energizer Bunny, Uncle Edward?"

"Um, a big pink bunny that bangs a drum and rolls around on the floor. He keeps going and going because he runs on good batteries."

"Oh!" She stopped in the middle of the room, laughing so hard she bent at the waist and let go of my hand. "Nana is funny."

By the time we made it to the kitchen, Bella and Kate were in a deep discussion about something. Bella held up a hand to Vicky when she saw her.

"Hey, Vicky." They high fived like it was a long lost secret handshake. One up high, one down low, and some other thing I missed when I glanced at Maggie as she came into the room.

"Do you want to sit on the porch before all the guests arrive?" she asked Vicky.

Vicky agreed, and we all headed out to the front porch. The night was quiet outside with only the lingering sounds of the other party goers we could hear through the open front door. Most of the houses in their neighborhood had Halloween decorations of varying styles. The one directly across the street had purple lights strung along the eaves and black ghosts hanging from the tree in the front yard. I shivered in the chill, wishing I'd grabbed a blanket like the ladies had. Vicky couldn't seem to sit still, so she kept trading off whose lap she sat in.

Apparently, Bella and Kate had been talking about the fact that I was staying at Bella's more often than Mom and Dad's. I was essentially living there, we just hadn't made it official. I heard them talking about it in low tones as Kate asked if I'd changed my address yet.

"Are you going to share your secret, Bella?" I heard Kate murmur.

"Do you think I should?" she whispered in return. "In front of everyone?"

"It's just us."

There were a few beats of silence, followed by a burst of laughter from inside. I was curious what they could be talking about, but I figured I'd let Bella make her decision without my input.

"Bella, are you and Uncle Edward gonna get married?" Vicky asked as she climbed up into Bella's lap.

Bella wrapped her arms around my niece and kissed the top of her head. "I don't know."

Four sets of female eyes turned in my direction. "Don't be looking at me. If I thought Bella was willing to marry me, I would have asked a long time ago."

Vicky looked back at Bella, and put her hands on her cheeks. "Do you want to marry Uncle Edward?"

"Vicky, you need to leave them alone," Maggie admonished.

"I just wanna know."

I couldn't even look at any of them after that awkwardness. We soon left the porch for the warmth of the house and the guests. The doorbell started ringing much more often as some time passed. When most of their friends had arrived, Maggie and Kate walked around to tell everyone to dig in to the food in the kitchen.

I took the opportunity to draw Bella aside. We stood near the front door, the dimmed lights making it feel secretive. Bella's eyes were shining up at me, and I ran a fingertip across the top of her chest.

"There's no pressure," I assured her.

"I know." She smiled up at me. "But what if I want a little pressure?"

My eyebrows went up. "You do?"

She leaned in to me, rising on her toes to kiss my jaw. "I might."

"Is that your secret?" I couldn't help but ask. "That you wouldn't mind me asking you to marry me?"

She closed her eyes as she rested flat on her feet. "No. Are you sure you want to do this here?"

Now she had me worried. It was news to me that she wasn't opposed to marriage. I thought we'd end up 'dating' until the end of time. "I promise not to blow up at my sisters' house, if that's what you mean."

She took my hands in hers and stared up at me. "You want marriage, and- and kids, right?"

"Someday, but don't feel like you have to—"

"I'm not feeling pressured. I promise. It's just that you're going to get one of those sooner rather than later."

"One…" I trailed off and stepped away from her to look at her from a distance.

"One, as in, the kids portion of the marriage and kids."

I dropped her hands to wipe mine across my face. I wanted nothing more than to start a family with her, but I had been basically terrified that Bella was more likely to cut and run if I mentioned committing to each other. It seemed that fate had stepped in to tie us together. Better than that, she was calmer than I was about it all.

"It was, um, most likely stress that screwed with my birth control. I actually talked to Emily about it before finding an obstetrician." She fiddled with her hands, wringing them together in front of her. "I was kind of freaked out, and worried about what it all means, for us and for me."

"Nobody thought to mention sooner that it was a possibility? Okay. It's okay. We'll make good parents, right? It's just a little sooner than we expected." I took a deep breath and let it out. "Do you want to get married first, do it in order?" I wasn't sure yet how happy she was with the fact that she was going to be a mother so I went with cautious optimism.

She laughed a little, clearly relieved at my response. "I don't care about any order. Whatever you want. I don't need to get married to have a baby with you."

"But do you want to? Get married, I mean?"

"I wouldn't mind it." Even in the dim foyer I could see her blush. "Yes, I would love to marry you."

It made me happy that she didn't seem to be reluctant. "Does this mean I can officially change my address to yours?"

"As long as I can change my last name to yours."

I grinned when she grinned. "I love you, you know."

"I do know." She went up on her toes again to kiss me.

"I'm happy, you know that, right? I just need a minute to wrap my head around all of this."

"I'm just glad I didn't scare you off. Kate said not to worry, but of course I worried."

"It's nice that you feel you can confide in her." I kissed her temple.

"Are you guys ever gonna come eat?" Vicky said from behind Bella.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked sternly. "It's not polite to eavesdrop."

"Since Bella said she didn't need to marry you to have a baby with you." She looked from me to Bella. "But you are, aren't you? I would look good in a flower girl dress."

I barked out a laugh and moved to ruffle her hair. "Let's go tell your moms."

Kate and Maggie were not surprised about the baby news, so it was clear that Kate told Maggie. They were pleased for us, to say the least.

"I don't think I want a big wedding, Kate," Bella began.

"Nonsense, everyone wants to show off with a beautiful dress and a nice venue."

I knew Kate didn't intend to dismiss Bella's feelings, but that was exactly what she'd done.

"No, Kate, I'm serious. I don't want any fanfare. I don't want…" Bella looked around before leaning closer to Kate. "My past to catch up to me."

Kate's eyes went round and huge. "Oh. No, I guess you wouldn't want anyone back in Seattle to hear about it, would you?"

Bella shook her head.

"Okay," Maggie intervened. "How about spring, a park setting, and an officiant?"

Bella shook her head again. "Sooner than spring." She waved at her waist. "I don't want to be a walking blimp in a wedding dress."

Kate narrowed her eyes. "I don't think you'll reach blimp size."

"Maybe not."

I was the next one to pipe up. "Are you talking winter? Christmas?"

Bella looked at me for a very long time. "How do you feel about that?"

"It would be hard to forget my anniversary if I got married on Christmas Day."

She rolled her eyes. "Maybe the first week of December, or even the first week of January."

"Where, then?" Maggie asked.

"Honestly, if we could run away to Vegas it would be much simpler."

"Here! We could do it here," Vicky said.

Bella smiled at her. "It's a good idea."

"It is, but not just to placate her. It really could work." I looked at Kate as I said it.

"What's placate?" Vicky asked.

"I like it," Kate said to me. "As long as this blimp doesn't have to decorate."

"My harem," I said as I widened my arms to indicate them all. "You please me."

Bella groaned and leaned in to my side. Kate and Maggied moved off to their guests after a few eye rolls and swats to my shoulder.

"Can I still be the flower girl?" Vicky asked.

"Absolutely, short stuff."

She hugged me, and tugged on me until she could kiss my cheek. "Thank you, Uncle."

"Anything for my girls."

* * *

 **It's been mentioned that not everyone knows that 'Netflix and chill' has become a euphemism for sex. So, now you know.**

 **Also, mummy dogs are a cute rendition of pigs in a blanket.**

 **There's no way you'll keep quiet about the revelations in this chapter, so let me have it.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Trisha, you weren't logged in so I couldn't respond. She never officially took the reins. She was going to, but she just fired everybody instead.**

* * *

 _Love has no fear, love has no reason_

 _Stop standing on the edge_

 _Take my hand, erase the past forever_

 _Love makes no sense, love has no name_

 _Love is never wrong and never needs a reason_

 _It can make you better_

 _It can change you slowly_

 _~Amy Lee, Love Exists_

* * *

 **No lesson needed. Love truly is everything.**

Through the obstetrician appointments and the bit of nausea Bella suffered, she remained upbeat and excited. Despite her reassurances, I wasn't sure how she would handle the upheaval of a baby and a wedding. I should have known she'd kick ass and take names. Figuratively, of course.

She and Kate spent hours planning the wedding. Maggie and I joined in here and there, but those two were the best at getting it organized. We planned for just the family on the third of December in mid-afternoon. Bella wanted to use the backyard of Kate and Maggie's house, and insisted she wouldn't pick an insubstantial dress that would leave her freezing. After the vows we were going out to dinner at the restaurant at the Four Seasons where Bella and I met again during the gala.

Lucas and Felix both felt the need to threaten me with my very existence if I ever hurt Bella. Lucas couldn't keep a straight face while he delivered his warning; he and I were on pretty friendly terms. Felix, well, he was Felix, and I could never tell what he was thinking. His face was continuously impassive.

Thanksgiving was a busy affair because we were making all the last minute plans for the wedding. Mom was cooking with some input from Maggie, while Kate, Bella, and I confirmed that all of our responsibilities had been met.

"Good thing we didn't make a big deal out of this," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"Just shut it and tell me if you confirmed with the florist." Kate was acting extra crabby, and she was making me crabby.

"Go take a nap."

"Do you want me to get Mom's butcher knife and cut off your balls?"

"Hey, now, no cutting my husband's balls off."

I stared at Bella for a minute before a smile spread across my face. "Repeat that?"

"Ugh. You two need to relax. This was supposed to be stress-free. Kate, we have everything confirmed: cake, flowers, music, formal wear rental. No big deal."

"Fine. I'm going to find my wife."

We watched Kate leave the dining room. The table was already set for Thanksgiving dinner, but we'd pushed a few plates out of the way. I set about straightening them. "Is everything really in place? You can relax and stop worrying about it?"

"Yes. It's all good." She pushed up to kiss my cheek.

"Was I an ass to her?"

"Well, yeah, but you two are like that. I think her pregnancy hormones are making her a little edgy."

"In other words, what I have to look forward to?" I smirked.

"Probably, so learn to live with it, or _I'll_ be aiming for your balls."

I cupped said balls and half turned away. "You're hurting their feelings."

"On that note, I'm going to help in the kitchen."

During dinner, Vicky kept bouncing around in her seat. When Mom told her for the third time to sit down and eat, I asked what had her so squirmy.

"I get a new brother _and_ a cousin _and_ an aunt. I'm so excited!"

The kid actually squealed.

"Not today, you aren't, so why don't you settle down?"

She settled a little, but kept shifting around as she ate.

I caught Bella's gaze and she winked at me. In the past few weeks it had come to my attention that she was filling out more. She had always been skin and bones, but since Halloween I could see where she was softer, more rounded. I was afraid she'd think I was saying she was fat if I pointed it out, so I went the route of telling her she looked good, and telling her often. I smiled at her wink and she grinned at me.

With most of the family napping after lunch, Dad and I cleaned up the kitchen.

"Are you ready for all the changes in your life?" he asked.

I stopped for a second, throwing the dishtowel I was using over my shoulder. "I'm more than ready. I've known Bella for over a year now, and I'm in awe of the person she's become."

"I have noticed a big change in you since you came back home. You were miserable before you started volunteering. You seemed much happier after that, if lonely. Once you and Bella found your stride, you changed again. I've never seen you this content."

I looked at my dad as he wiped down the counters. "I'm glad it shows. I am content, Dad. I'm excited to have a family with Bella, and watch her grow even more. I think she'll be a tentative mother at first, but I believe it won't take long for her to figure it out."

"Well, all I can say is that I'm happy for you." He clapped me on the shoulder and lowered his voice. "None of the things from her past are an issue anymore?"

"She's moved on. She's protected herself from what was going on, covered her ass. It's why she surrounds herself with the two men that work with her at the shelter."

"And she does counseling?"

"Twice a week, sometimes phone calls in between. She's working on not doubting herself, which can only help her be a better mother in the long run. She's been exploring homeopathic treatments for her anxiety, like meditation, yoga, and essential oil massage."

"I agree with you that it can only help in the long run. If you ever need anything we're here for you."

"I know, Dad, and I appreciate it." I smiled at his gesture.

"Plus, your mother will never want to put that baby down. You'll have free babysitting for life."

I laughed. "That's what grandparents are for."

He looked off toward the kitchen window. "So, I want to offer to walk her down the aisle, or whatever it ends up being."

"She would be touched, I'm sure." I was touched. As he looked back at me, I hugged him. "Thanks."

He thumped me on the back in his man-hug style. "It's nothing."

It was everything.

When we gathered in Kate and Maggie's house a few days later, it was the subtle and simple affair that we'd envisioned. There were a few squat vases of white roses and stephanotis scattered throughout the living room. Since I'd been in charge of coordinating the florist, I actually knew the names of the white winter flowers we'd used. Out the back windows I could see the smattering of chairs for our family. We were lucky there had only been a few flurries in the last few days. The only people not closed up in the bedroom were the men. Lucas, Felix, the officiant we'd hired, my dad, and I gathered in the kitchen for a drink before the wedding. We had a few toasts, but I didn't want to trip on my way down the aisle so I didn't have too many.

Mom came first to tell us the women were ready. Vicky came out next, adorable in her silver flower girl dress and jacket. The officiant went ahead and stepped outside, and Mom went with him to take her seat. Lucas and Felix followed her lead while Dad and Vicky waited for Maggie, Kate, and Bella. I followed the others outside, reluctant to have to wait for Bella to come through the yard to reach me. I was more than ready for the moment when she became my wife.

Maggie and Kate came out first. They were dressed in lovely gray dresses, and they each hugged me as they passed to stand on the other side of the officiant. Vicky came next, throwing white rose petals at her feet. When she stood with her mothers, she was bouncing on her toes while we waited for Bella.

"Aunt Bella is so pretty, Uncle Edward. She looks just like a princess!"

I couldn't help the huge grin. "I bet she'll be happy to hear that."

I watched down the aisle, impatient for a glimpse of her. A few moments later, the back door opened and she came walking toward me on my father's arm. It was more than the simple white bouquet, elegant hair, and white dress with a fur wrap that made her look beautiful. She was so happy it showed on her face. I was absolutely elated to see her come toward me full of confidence with a bright smile on her face. When she reached me, I could see the happiness shining in her eyes.

"You're breathtaking."

If possible, she smiled wider and then blushed. "Thank you. You look pretty handsome yourself."

The ceremony itself was a blur. I said what I was prompted to say, staring into Bella's eyes and listening to her vow to love and cherish me for the rest of her life. It went by so fast it was like I had merely blinked, and we were married.

The ladies went inside to change out of their mostly rented formal wear and faux fur capelets. The officiant said a few words in parting before he left, and then there were only four of us in the living room waiting to leave.

"It was nice. Really beautiful," Lucas said, and for a second I thought he was crying.

"I'm glad it's over. You look forward to the day so much that when it arrives, you just want it to all happen and be done with so you can start your married life."

Felix looked at me as I spoke. "You'll be good to her."

It was a statement and not a demand, which kind of surprised me. Up until that point, he'd been fairly reluctant to accept me in Bella's life.

"I plan to."

The women came out, little Vicky holding Bella's hand. Bella's eyes were a bit red, and I frowned as she walked up and kissed me. "I'm okay, I promise. Just overwhelmed at the kindness of your family."

"They are irritatingly wonderful."

Kate smacked my shoulder as she walked past.

"In a loving and supportive way, is what I meant to say."

That time I heard Kate laughing from behind the door of the coat closet.

We made an odd group at dinner, or so it felt to me. I suppose from an outsider's perspective, it appeared that my sisters were with Bella's friends. To me, they were all the people that compromised our family, both blood and chosen. I'd chosen Bella, so her chosen family was now my family. Bella had been welcomed into my family like a daughter, just as Maggie had when she married Kate.

We were expanding, and I gave thanks again for whatever it was that made me stay in Illinois, even if it was cowardice. I'd forgotten how much I needed my family close to me to be happy.

As Felix and Victoria played tic-tac-toe on a notepad Maggie pulled from her purse, it struck me that he and Lucas were uncles to her, as they would be to mine and Bella's child. Hopefully, one day, children. Vicky laughed at something Felix said, and I realized that he did have more expressions besides impassive. He made faces at her until she was giggling hysterically. It wasn't lost on me that the two men Bella considered brothers had turned their lives around as well. I didn't know if it was all for Bella's sake, or because they wanted a calmer, better life, too. Either way, years had been erased from their faces over the past months. They looked happy; they gave me the impression they were at peace. Nothing was a façade any longer.

As I picked up my lovely wife's hand and kissed the back of it, her eyes glowed in the candlelight when she smiled at me.

"Do you know that I have everything I ever wanted? And it's all because of you."

"I know, because I feel the same."

"Thank you for this life. It's perfect for us."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

 **It's up to you to decide who said what at the end.**

 **Somehow both of my stories are going to complete at the same time. I have a future take for this one, too, but this can be considered the official end.**


	34. Epilogue

**Here is the last chapter of Façade. :) Don't be surprised if I pop up with an outtake that has been bugging me.**

* * *

 _I am not ashamed anymore_

 _I want something so impure_

 _You better impress now, watching my dress now, fall to the floor_

 _Crawling underneath my skin, sweet talk with a hint of sin_

 _Begging you to take me_

 _Devil underneath your grin, sweet thing, bet you play to win, heaven gonna hate me_

 _~Halsey, Not Afraid Anymore_

* * *

"Would you relax? It's not like she didn't have kids of her own. Plus, she's been babysitting Vicky since she was born."

"That was almost seven years ago. Things change. Not to mention, she has both of them tonight, plus Vicky."

My wife and I were supposed to be having a date night. That meant that Gavin was with my mother, but so was Tyler. "Dad is there. Maggie and Kate should be there before too much longer. They were only going to be at the Realtor function until seven. Vicky is very good with Tyler, and can pitch in with Gavin on some things if need be."

Tyler was seven months old, but Gavin was only two months old. We hadn't had a moment's peace since he was born, as was normal. I wanted Bella to relax and enjoy herself without being so stressed out. So far, it wasn't working.

"I know you're right. Logically. But emotionally…"

"Emotionally, you're a wreck. I understand."

We left the car with the valet at the front of the restaurant, and I placed my hand on Bella's lower back as I followed just slightly behind her inside. It was already cooling off again. Another school year was about to start, and things had ramped up for all of us.

Bella had found a dear friend in a shelter resident named Maria. She used to be a homeopath until her circumstances were altered and she ended up in the shelter. She and Bella spent a lot of time with the residents, and Maria began leading yoga classes and meditation sessions. Bella decided that she wanted Maria to take over temporarily while she was out on leave, as a co-chairperson on the council. Maria, Lucas, and Felix worked together to keep the daily operations running smoothly while Bella was home with our son. Felix had even shown a romantic interest in Maria which she seemed to return.

"What did you think of the renovations?" I asked after we'd been seated.

Bella answered me with her eyes on the menu. "It's almost complete, and that makes me happy."

"Was it good to see that everything was exactly as it should be?" We'd visited briefly this afternoon for Bella's sake. She was itching to get back to it, I could tell.

She set her menu down and folded her hands on top of it. "Yes and no. I'm glad it didn't fall apart in my absence, but, well..."

"On the other hand, it didn't fall apart in your absence."

"Right. So if I never went back, who would notice?"

I thought about what she'd said as we placed our orders. She was a very good mother. She picked up on what Gavin needed effortlessly, it seemed. She was tired, but overall very happy, at home. Yet, I knew there was a part of her that missed being at the shelter every day. Like me, she needed to interact with the families and see that their needs were being met.

"You could go part time. You know the child care workers would salivate at the chance to get their hands on Gavin." He was a very adorable little guy with no hair and his mother's big brown eyes and a perpetual smile.

"I've thought about it. Maria offered to watch him while I was there and continue to oversee things while I'm not."

I picked up the drink the server dropped off. "So why don't you try that?"

Bella swirled her glass of water and wouldn't meet my gaze. "I don't know. It doesn't feel right."

"Right how?"

She looked up finally. "I can't explain it. I want to be there all the time like I used to be. At the same time, I want to be with Gavin every second that I can. Look at tonight. I can't stop thinking about him."

"That's understandable, Bella. Do what feels right to you."

Since being in business for a little over a year, I was actually making a bit of a profit. We tried not to touch Bella's inheritance unless it was for something important. So far, we'd not used it on ourselves at all. Bella had choices.

"You're right. I've given it too much thought. I'll let it sit on the backburner awhile."

We spent the rest of our dinner talking about anything but work. Vicky, Tyler, my sister's business, Emily. Anything. By the time I ordered a chocolate dessert that Bella said she didn't want but ate more of than I did, she was finally relaxed. As I walked behind her to the front of the restaurant I looked her over from head to toe. She was wearing a black dress with a wide neckline that showed off much of her shoulders. She was carrying a wrap that she hadn't put on yet, so I was able to admire the column of her neck beneath her upswept hairdo. The dress fell almost to her knees, so I looked down to the very tall heels she was walking confidently in and kind of whimpered.

She turned to me as we stepped outside. "Are you okay?"

I smiled in what I hoped was an attractive way. "Just finding my wife particularly sexy."

She flashed me a smile as she pulled the wrap over her shoulders. "I admit it's been too long since I dressed up."

I caught a strand of hair that blew loose and twined it around my finger. "Home or hotel?"

I'd booked us a room, but she'd been so nervous about leaving Gavin that I'd assured her we could pick him up and go home if she wanted.

"I think… I think we can stay out."

 _Thank God_. My favorite sin was defiling my wife, and it had been a little too long for my tastes. My smile grew to Cheshire proportions. "That's music to my ears." And to my dick.

In case I wasn't sure of her intentions, Bella spent the car ride leaned over against my side while she ran her hand up and down my leg. Her mouth was busy on my neck and ear, and I had to try really hard not to wreck the vehicle.

When we finally got there we practically sprinted for the front desk.

"On your honeymoon?" the desk clerk asked with a smile as I wrapped an arm around Bella.

"Every day," I replied.

She frowned, but then she upgraded our room, so there was a bonus in loving my wife like crazy. That and the killer sex.

The second the doors on the elevator closed, I dropped the one bag we'd brought and had her pressed against the wall with my hand between us.

"There's bound to be a camera, Edward."

"I told her we were on our honeymoon. What couple doesn't fool around in the elevator on their honeymoon?"

It only took me seconds to have my hand under her dress and in her panties. I used my body to block her from any view, whether it be a camera or the doors should we stop. Her cries proved how long it had been, since the simplest touch drove her wild.

I smoothed everything back in place as the elevator dinged, pressing a lingering kiss on her mouth and watching her eyes as she panted. She was so freaking turned on.

We hurried down the hall to our room, and the first thing I did once we got inside was drop the bag and close the drapes. Then I took off my coat and draped it over the desk chair. My tie came next, and Bella stood near the bed and watched me, her lower lip caught between her teeth. She came toward me, and I pushed my hands into her hair, ruining whatever she'd done with it. I bit her lip for her, pulled on it and sucked it and caressed it with my tongue as she breathed with me. Her hands were busy unbuttoning my shirt and pulling it out of my pants. It took little effort to have her dress pushed off her shoulders and draped at her waist.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the sexy black bra with the nursing pads tucked inside that I wasn't allowed to take off unless I wanted a shower—which I most certainly did not. I missed her tits, but I would wait my turn.

So instead I satisfied my lust by cupping her ass and running my tongue over her throat. She unfastened my pants and worked very diligently at removing them and everything from the waist down. I let her push my shirt off my shoulders because I liked the way it felt to have her hands on my chest. Once I was naked I pushed at her dress until it pooled at her feet and she could remove it, leaving her in stockings and a garter with sexy lace panties.

"You look fucking edible," I whispered in her ear, and she shivered and moaned.

When we maneuvered to the bed, I held both her hands above her with one of mine as I ran my other over her belly button and across her thighs. I pulled the panties off, but left the rest. Her legs tensed and pulled up to wrap around my waist.

"Now, Edward. It's been too long. I need you."

I didn't waste any more time, but I moved gently at first. I knew that she might feel uncomfortable now, so I tried very hard to be easy on her. Slowly, very slowly, we moved together until I was completely inside her. Her body pulsed around me, and she quivered.

"I'm good," she said, nodding for emphasis.

Keeping her hands above us, I moved much faster, garnering grunts and curses from her. I guess she missed it as much as I had.

Stilling my hips and pulling out halfway, I leaned back on my knees and used my fingers to work her up into a frenzy and over the edge. Only once her orgasm took over and her legs trembled did I resume my pace, gripping her hips roughly until I came harshly.

I traced my fingers over her skin as we lay there collecting our breaths. Her body bore the marks of pregnancy and birth, and I loved it all the more for it. She'd given me a beautiful son, and he was happy and healthy.

"I need to pump before I sleep or I'll be miserable in a few hours."

I got up and handed her the bag, and she disappeared into the bathroom. I settled for cleaning up with a few tissues while I waited, hearing the water running in the tub. I left her alone while I watched some crap on TV.

She looked freshly showered when she came out wrapped in a robe, and I watched her store the bottles of milk in the fridge. I kissed her as I passed her and went to take a shower.

Things had changed, that was for sure. We had to adapt and adjust, but we weren't any different than other couples with kids. I was grateful for the time to be with her in any capacity.

When I came back out, she was naked in the bed. "Now is your only chance to touch them before they fill back up."

I clapped my hands to make her giggle, then dove in for round two before she had to hide the puppies again.

We both slept like the dead for the first time in months, only waking when the alarm went off an hour before a late check out. Bella pumped on the bed while I ordered brunch from room service. We had just enough time to eat and dress before we had to be downstairs.

Mom met us at the door with Gavin, who waved his arms and showed us his gums. Bella immediately scooped him up and cooed at him.

"Thank you so much, Mom." I hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. "That was the best night's sleep I've had in months."

"He was up every three to four hours, Bella, just like you said he would be. He has one bottle left." She looked at her watch. "It's been about two and a half hours if you want to try feeding him."

Bella walked over to my mom and gave her a one-armed hug with the baby between them. Bella dropped her head on Mom's shoulder and sighed. "I can't even repay you. Thank you."

"It was my pleasure. You know I wouldn't mind watching him once a month."

We sat in the kitchen together for a bit until Gavin started fussing. I held him, kissing his downy head and smiling at him while Bella got comfortable to feed him. I loved watching them.

Mom busied herself at the counter making lunch. Bella wasn't too shy about breastfeeding in front of people, but I figured Mom thought it was respectful not to watch her.

I made a grab for the hand that he stuck in the air, pleased when he wrapped his fist around my finger.

"I love you both," I said quietly.

She grinned and leaned forward for a kiss. "And we love you."

I sometimes couldn't believe the differences in Bella from the day I met her until now. From a hard, cold woman just trying to survive by any means necessary in a world with the deck stacked against her, to the soft and generous woman who had breathed new life into me. She would likely have to work on her deep-seated issues for most, if not all, of the rest of her life, but we were both up for the challenge. She was worth it, and I was happy to be able to say that I knew I was worth it, too.

 **The End**

* * *

 **Thank you all for coming on this crazy ride with me. When I started writing it, I knew how I wanted the beginning and the end to look, but it evolved into much more than that. A story about ruthlessness turned into a story about redemption.**

 **Remember that you can always find me on Facebook for teasers, pictures, and news on what else I have going on. The link is on my profile.**

 **These are the ladies that helped me with Façade in some form, and I need to thank them for giving me their time. SarcasticBimbo, CoppertopJ, starsmina, NKubie, and Kimmie45. You manage to polish these rocks into something that shines.**

 **None of this would be possible without my readers. I love each of you.**


	35. Outtake—Carlisle

**I have to admit that I know next to nothing about witness protection. Shocking, right? So I took some liberties with Carlisle's circumstances to make a fluffy outtake for him. If you never liked him, you might want to hit the X now. ;)**

* * *

Selling tchotchkes in a town so small it wasn't even incorporated was never part of my long-term goals. My life had changed drastically in the past year, and not simply because all the plans I made with Bella went to shit. No, the thanks—and the blame—could be laid on Jasper's shoulders. The prick had paid off his old _comáre_ to claim she witnessed me killing Gianna. I snorted as I thought about it, picking up a brass candlestick and wiping down the glass shelf under it. I pictured taking out a hit on him in the prison they'd buried him in, but, of course, that wouldn't happen. My movements were locked down so tight I couldn't take a crap without the marshals knowing about it. I had done nothing as crass as shooting that _puttana_ in my living room. I was much more inventive than that, and there was absolutely no chance that her body would ever be found.

The chime on the door tinkled, and I schooled my face into that of the pleasant shopkeeper. I continued to swipe at the glass shelf, holding a crystal duck in my hand as I looked up to greet the browser.

Dark shoulder length hair was all I could make out from my position. "Good afternoon. What can I help you find?"

I set down the duck and picked up a short glass vase. The woman turned, a small smile on her face. I felt myself growing hot as I realized it was Dr. Platt. The vase slipped from hands that had gone sweaty at her appearance.

" _Merda_!" I mumbled under my breath as it hit the floor and shattered—only I wasn't as quiet as I thought I was.

"I didn't know you were Italian. Oh dear, what a mess."

She was there, maybe half a foot away, looking down at the broken glass. I could only stand there and stare at her. Her complexion was the classic peaches and cream; her eyes a smoky gray. Her brows were drawn together as she looked back up at me.

"Do you have a dustpan?"

I blinked. _Get it together,_ coglione. "O-of course. Sorry. Don't touch that, I'll be right back."

I hurried behind the counter to retrieve the broom and dustpan, berating myself for acting like a fool. Dr. Platt had caught my eye the first week I'd moved here. My official cover story was that I chose to relocate to a small midwest town after living most of my life in the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple. I'd been a docent, then an assistant curator, finally being promoted to executive museum curator, which was the position I'd retired from. Unfortunately, I knew fuck-all about art and artifacts, so I kept to myself and tried not to give away the truth. I wasn't really expected to make friends or have relationships, since I was being punished and protected at the same time.

I made my way back to the glass shattered in a dozen pieces on the hardwood floor of the tourist trap boutique I ran. The beautiful doctor was no longer there, but I knew she hadn't left because I hadn't heard the chime announce her exit. I squatted and began picking up the larger chunks. I had about half of it done when I heard her behind me.

"Do you need any help?"

Unfortunately for me, I had a potty mouth when I was caught off guard, and it always slipped out in Italian. The shard of glass I was gingerly picking up sliced through my palm as I gripped it without thinking. " _Figlio di puttana_!"

"Oh God, I didn't mean to sneak up on you! I seem to think I'm as noisy as a bull when apparently I'm more like a ninja." She knelt next to me and took my now-bleeding hand in hers. "That's going to need stitches."

I groaned. My day was going to shit real fast. Though, if Dr. Platt kept holding my hand in hers, maybe things could be salvaged. She smelled like a sun-drenched beach on a tropical island.

"No worries, I'll take you to the clinic and do it myself. It's the least I can do since I surprised you both times."

I swallowed. "Aren't you a veterinarian?"

She laughed, and I liked the way she wasn't afraid to outright guffaw. "Stitches are stitches, regardless of the mammal."

 _Snitches get stitches_ , is what went through my mind. I was only here because I was a snitch. "I would appreciate that."

I sure as hell didn't want to go into the local medical clinic and have to show them any parts of my body with scars that couldn't easily be explained. In general, I was quite healthy, and any illness that required a doctor was scheduled through the marshals at their demand. I wasn't allowed to give my health history to anyone, or get naked with anyone, or speak about my true past in any way, shape, or form.

In short, I was imprisoned without being in jail.

The good doctor waited while I wrapped a bunch of paper towels around my hand and locked up the shop. Since it was only a few businesses down and across the street, we walked side by side. I kept my hand cradled close to my chest to staunch the flow of blood, flicking my gaze over at her every few seconds. She was the type of woman I could see spending a good portion of my time with. She was obviously smart and compassionate, just based on her occupation, and she was lovely and well dressed. I suppose she was dressed for work and off on a break, but I enjoyed her taste in clothes.

"Here we go," she said as she unlocked the doors to the vet office. I followed her down the hall as she flipped on a few lights. "I didn't have any patients for the remainder of the day, and I thought I'd spend some time browsing your shop." She led me into an exam room and patted the metal table.

I snorted. "I'm not sitting up there."

She laughed. "It was worth a shot. Here, you stand by the counter or sit in the chair, whichever is better for you."

"I'll stand, Doctor Platt."

"Please, just call me Esme."

I felt warm under the collar at the sound of her first name. "You can call me Mark." Even to my ears, I sounded like a liar as I gave her my false name. I wondered if she was attuned to insincerity.

"It makes sense, considering that your shop is Mark's on the Water."

She was gathering medical supplies as we spoke, and I stared at the curve of her neck and the long line of her back under her fitted sweater. She set everything on the counter and donned a pair of latex gloves before gently taking my forearm to bring my hand closer to her. She unwrapped the paper towels and then used a wet cloth to dab at the blood.

"Sterile saline," she murmured as she worked to clean my skin.

She was bent over my hand, and I wanted so much to kiss the crown of her head. Her hair shined in the overhead lighting, causing the chestnut strands to glow. She was the most attractive woman I'd ever encountered.

I concentrated on her scent and her warmth as she numbed the area with a topical anesthetic and started stitching. I wasn't completely unused to wounds that required stitches, and it didn't hurt in the slightest. Her body heat collided with mine, and my heartbeat sped up.

"Are you nervous?" she asked without looking up.

"No, why?"

"Since I have your arm in close proximity to my body, I can feel your pulse."

"Oh." I chuckled, but it came out sounding strangled. "No, it's not nerves, it's…"

She looked up at me then, meeting my gaze directly. Those gray eyes of hers were like Puget Sound in a heavy storm. I wasn't sure if I should outright tell her it was because I was turned on, or if that would be crossing a line. Even worse, I wasn't supposed to get close to anyone. Yet, the only thing I wanted was to get naked with the veterinarian.

"Esme, I have feelings for you."

She quirked a brow. "What kind of feelings?"

I cleared my throat. "The kind that are pretty inappropriate for someone you just officially met." She dropped my hand, and I brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "The kind I've felt since the first day I saw you through my shop window."

"I have inappropriate feelings for you, too," she admitted quietly as she bandaged my palm over the small, neat stitches.

Without thinking of the consequences, I leaned in and kissed her. I didn't bother to make it gentle, instead pressing against her until she backed into the wall. Her skin was as soft as it looked as I stroked her cheek, and everything about her filled my senses.

"I live upstairs," she mumbled against my mouth. "Come with me."

I knew I shouldn't. "Yes."

At that moment, it didn't matter to me that I was breaking the rules. I had never cared for rules one way or the other, and though the stakes were higher, I gave in to what I was feeling for Esme. From the moment I'd moved into town, she'd caught my eye. In the grocery store, on the street, when I collected mail from my p.o. box. She was graceful, she was beautiful, and I needed to make her mine.

It wasn't until we were enjoying wine and cheese in her kitchen overlooking the quaint river that our town was famous for that I decided I'd better say something to warn her.

"I have to admit something, but I can't give you all the details."

She stopped moving mid-sip. "Don't tell me you have a wife and kids tucked away somewhere in another town."

The apprehension on her face was clear. "No, it's not that." I took a deep breath and let it rush out of me along with the words. "I can't continue seeing you unless we get married."

"Uh, is this some kind of cult thing that you're caught up in?" She frowned, and I almost laughed. Almost.

"No, no. I just—there are things—I can't—"

"Okay, slow down. Why would I marry you? I mean, yeah, the sex was magnificent, but one time and now we need to say I do?"

"It's kind of a spousal privilege type situation."

She set her wine glass on the counter with a snap. "What did you do?"

I held my hands up, palm out. "I can't tell you."

"Did you really move here from New York?"

"Yes." Again, to my ears it was obvious I was lying.

Esme sighed. "So, if I might be in love with a stranger, I'd better marry him so that I can date him?"

"Something like that." I put my hands on her shoulders, and she didn't shy away. "I know it's a lot to take in, but you just said you're falling in love with me. I can't even explain what I feel every time I catch a glimpse of you."

"Lust."

I touched her lips with mine. "More than that."

"If I say yes?"

"It'll happen immediately. Do you have any family?"

She shook her head, looking into my eyes. "No. I saw the scars." She bit her lip. "Am I going to run screaming after you tell me?"

"Probably. Can you live with that? If I was a monster, can you live with me?"

"If you _were_ , past tense, I think I can deal with it. You're mild-mannered Mark to me."

"I have to warn you now, I did not live the life of mild-mannered Mark."

She searched my eyes. "It must be serious if you can't speak of it, but I appreciate that you're trying to warn me." She kissed me. "You're going to run Mark's on the Water for the rest of your days, living in Fish Creek and never breaking the law again?"

"Not so much as jaywalking. I can guarantee it." The marshals would guarantee that. After they punished me for slipping up and letting a woman see me naked.

"I think I'd like to give us a chance."

"You're intrepid, aren't you, Esme?"

"That's a good word for it."

"I love you, Esme." I wrapped her up in my arms, tucking her head under my chin. For her, I would spend my remaining years being the best man I could be.

"I believe you. It's likely I could be there soon. I've watched you from afar, and I find you intriguing."

"So, is that a yes?"

"It's a yes."

* * *

 **If you haven't yet, today is the last day to get your copy of Jack & Crush before I pull it.**


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